Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
DRae90 0
I would confront her on that one...
bubo_fml 11
Good to know that for the next 40 days, you're the only one in the puddin' pot!
ruusk 6
I wanna be dwayne dibbley
jake98899889 4
Give up being loyal, **** her bestfriend!
XkassieX 6
Ok even if she cheated don't be going to **** her best friend. Just divorce her. Don't be a dick about things, then you're just as bad as her and you basically cheated as well.
Pelreskovich 11
That's your hint to get rid of her..
dabram71 1
One word: YIKES!
HannahWho 8
One word: divorce.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Get a full STD panel and then serve her with divorce papers. (Seriously, if she's been screwing other guys, there's no telling what she brought home and gave to you. Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.)
ravenxcorvinus 9
ouch. your life doesn't suck, it's BONED.. just like your wife.. *here come the thumbs-down*
l0v3p4in 7
Your invitation to thumbs down you was too appealing to reject.
Dracoboxer357 36
Actually, I thumbed her Up for expecting otherwise. :) No real idea why....paradoxical optimism?
doktorjackal 3
Ditch tha bitch
lefty619 6
That's scandalous kick that hoe out to the curb
KendalKeller 3
Failblog hehehehhehehehehehehheehhehehehehhehehehehh