Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
Devor 5
She a hoe.
madison8895 11
What a bitch.
Slackness 10
Nasty bitch!
th3lawmak3r76 4
hey look at the brighter side at least she gave it up for 40 days
sandnsun 7
The hardest thing about the cheating is the lying. Women talk about how bad men are but of all the guys I've dated or met and women I've met women are by far worse. But then again, I live in an area with a lot of trashy women...idk what it is about this place but it happens all the time. Cheating, drugs, and abuse. And most of the guys I date are kinda nerdy or dorky and almost always hopeless romantics. But then again...so am I :). Just get it over with OP...she is so rude.
kgdc1 2
Why were you SNOOPING in your wife's private things?
stise 2
That's horrible! FYI indeed brotha
picklemonger 13
How Christian of her.
monnanon 14
I think its a joke, like those of us who put "give up smoking" as a new years resolution when we don't smoke. its something she can stick to for lent because she isn't screwing around anyway. Think about it, why would she write that down and give you the possibility of finding it if that were true?
matt_mcg 2
People generally tend to avoid the subject of cheating around their spouse. Somehow I don't think that she meant for her husband to find it and just forgot to tell him that it was a joke. Even if it was a joke, why would her husband believe her? For all he knows she could just be trying to use that as an excuse to cover it up. So the lesson here is cheating is never a joke.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Request a threesome.
whynotbliss 18
I hope you are thinking she's slutty/freaky enough to have a mff 3some, what sort of consolation is getting to watch another dude bang your wife vs. Knowing another dude is getting yours while you are elsewhere.