Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
shadow12_fml 1
One at a time but two can't wear it out.
lexie98 0
What's lent??
iamyourgod 3
Never heard of it in my life either. I'm thinking it's some stupid thing American Christians do.
PsychoticAsylum 26
Europeans celebrate Lent too -_-"
sandnsun 7
It's a tradition that some Christians follow. It's sort of a mock fast in which Christians are supposed to give up something they love or care for for 40 days. My favorite saying around this time of year is "And this is why I am no longer Christian." Its not true but it makes most people smile. Lol
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
Have sex with other women.
Rainbowbright99 4
Sorry you found my list baby but you just don't choke me hard enough, and I still thinks it is weird that you wear my bra and underwear to get off. But don't forget, Jesus and I love you Joe.
gonad_gobbler 1
your wife sounds about as smart as juicystar777
LOLimCuteFML 0
You deserve better! I wonder what your reaction was and what your possibly ex-wife's reaction was.
MoreBeef 4
Hey for 40 days (or whatever lent is, I'm not catholic) she will NOT be boning other dudes. That's good right? She didn't mention sex with women. Time for that threesome!
ohSNAPyall 27
The 40 days doesn't include Sundays, and neither will OP's wife.
sandnsun 7
Maybe in some traditions...but not the one I was raised in...
KHunnyBear 2
at least she's giving it up
Soluxis 17
Welcome to wonderful world of women. Isn't alliteration great? Seriously though, the next one will probably do the same.
toalysium 15
I hope "beating my wife's ass" wasn't on your list.