Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
irishboy352 0
Why the hell would she write that down?
cajekraze 7
Did you not know she was a man?
silvergaze 1
NOT MY PROB! Get a new wife. Or start taking up dirty habits with other women. Whew! Wouldn't that piss HER off? Then when she finds out you can back yourself up!
downtime 13
...And what gave you the impression anyone thought it was your problem? You realise these stories aren't directed to you, right? Please tell me you know this...
XkassieX 6
Like I said before he doesn't have to be a dick about things divorce her cheating ass. If he does that he's just as bad as her. He can mess around with other people after he gets divorced
markahsf1 7
I would "accidentally" stick it in her butt tonight. Also, cheat on her. Give her a taste of her own medicine! Bros before ho's!
silentbutfunny 0
So many std's being transmited this way.. :/
Clarese 0
Time to part ways!
YourFaceIs 0
So after 40 days she will do it again? wow. That's awful. :( Marriage just isn't what it used to be.
oohoohmrkotter 0
Cheating is nothing new. Humans aren't monogamous by nature.
iamyourgod 3
What the hell is general knowledge?
japtch 15
Google.
silentbutfunny 0
Your name makes me want to facepalm repeatedly. Not to mention the comment
iamyourgod 3
Is this just an American thing because I have never heard anyone practice this stupid Lent thing before, not even Christians?
goodgood_fml 5
And what woman's heart did you break to marry this goddess? Anywho. Seems like you two have a lot to talk about. Since you go to church, I recommend that you start with marriage counseling through your church. However, if you know you can't forgive and forget, then file for divorce and end it. Much Luck.
studdmuffin1990 7
DIVORCE!!!!! I hate cheaters! They should all just pair up with each other and go to those swinger parties and leave the rest of us alone!
MrsUresti 8
I totally agree with you!!!! I hate them hate hate hate them!!!!!
tttt122345 0
For Lent you should give up her... Dumb ****