Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
momo1972 3
Not to time to give up antibiotics
trevino180 4
Well u can give up not cheating on your wife
Leadamp 7
You must be so proud of her.
peaches2793 0
Woah... Make a list like that too and show her how it feels :p
dapoet83 0
Wow
MeB4u 0
Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, hoes don't act right.
pfclunchbox005 1
Go have sex with all the girls you want now. Clear your bank accounts. Put things in your name. An leve that bitch
76transam 0
You should tell her "Honey i think we should see other vag... People!"
mssgee21 2
i bet he didn't dump her either
user12345678901 0
Give her up for lent.