Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
looney_mc 4
Nice lol
Hammer940 7
Pee on her. That'll teach her to be a *****.
silentbutfunny 0
Lol wut??
lsucheer 0
Do it!
Hammer940 7
What. It's degrading and hilarious. All at the same time.
downtime 13
I think she already knows how to be a *****, and it doesn't necessarily involve peeing on people. You're getting ***** confused with "Japanese"...*uncomfortable silence*
Matt504 9
Win??
heyred 11
I am hoping that she wrote that as a joke, like she is giving up something that she doesn't do anyway.
afulks78 11
LOL Atleast she is trying(;
matt_mcg 2
It shouldn't be something that she should need to put conscious effort into doing, or rather, not doing.
Driveshaft 5
"other men"...FYL, but at least she'll still have sex with you, no?
NativeG2 1
Dang bro, time for a chick switch. :/
Vulpes21 6
Good moral Catholics
Mitcha857 0
I find it really ironic that OP's wife is still willing to follow the rules of Lent but still break the rules of a Christian marriage. People really confuse me.
silentbutfunny 0
Hebrew, islamic, christain, really all of them have their 10 commandments thats shes breaking all of
downtime 13
...Shes breaking all 10 commandments of every religion? Well shit, this infidelity thing pales in comparison!
Genoc123 5
*****