Love: Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 40

05/12/2010 09:30

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 657

You deserved it 3 280

Stop talking!

There's no helping some people

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

19/07/2013 20:57

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 4 801

03/04/2009 19:39

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461 989

You deserved it 76 870

01/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 391

10/01/2014 02:45

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 273

You deserved it 3 345

13/11/2012 06:49

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 609

You deserved it 2 372

01/10/2012 15:02

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 772

You deserved it 4 105

15/05/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 332

20/01/2015 20:24

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 5 491

21/04/2011 23:49

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 027

You deserved it 31 022

14/03/2009 18:25

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 812

You deserved it 6 289

20/10/2014 09:28

Spicy

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 564

You deserved it 3 943

19/10/2011 22:42

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 686

You deserved it 9 968

30/07/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 484

You deserved it 358

11/11/2018 09:30

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 588

You deserved it 408

05/07/2011 16:34

Spicy

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 598

You deserved it 4 622

09/02/2011 20:56

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 549

You deserved it 68 691

22/11/2011 08:08

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 605

You deserved it 6 345

21/05/2017 14:00

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 414

07/11/2011 20:49

Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 800

You deserved it 5 749

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 78

27/06/2015 17:40

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 117

You deserved it 2 860

Everybody does

By Bill - 30/05/2021 23:59

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 81

24/06/2015 18:49

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 1 840

11/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is currently dating a girl who lives in Korea. We broke up because I was moving to a different part of the city for college and he thought the distance would be "too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 982

You deserved it 288

12/02/2011 03:10

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 297

You deserved it 5 481

15/11/2014 18:20

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 421

You deserved it 4 127

Close-Knit Family

By Bleached_Eyes - 02/04/2018 00:00

Spicy

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 485

You deserved it 639

23/02/2009 03:04

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 131

You deserved it 6 382

06/02/2016 20:52

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 829

You deserved it 5 084

06/06/2009 12:41

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 062

You deserved it 8 311

19/05/2014 21:44

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 789

You deserved it 4 088

Don't engage with these people

By fuck you! - 15/04/2021 05:00

Today, I overheard my mom telling my aunt what an “attention-seeking drama queen” I’ve been lately. All I asked was that she not smoke around me. I’ve had asthma all my life and am currently recovering from Covid. She thinks it’s all a conspiracy, meanwhile I haven’t taken a deep breath in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 79

09/11/2014 07:51

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 892

You deserved it 7 564

04/01/2013 16:59

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 682

You deserved it 7 564

03/08/2013 20:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 964

You deserved it 9 168

15/06/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 111

You deserved it 360

07/10/2016 12:51

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 1 320

Take it down!

By steven - 28/06/2009 15:53

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 193

You deserved it 7 272

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 450

01/11/2009 23:10

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 757

You deserved it 58 807

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

satomi_ishida 0

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:37

OP, as long as "Jr." isn't attached to that, I think you're fine.

Comments

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

gimme fuel gimme fire gimme that which I desire

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:34

yep they're definitely fucking

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:43

This seems an odd spot to quote Metallica... Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, that would seem a bit more appropriate.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:52

So, what proof do you have they are fucking?

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:56

you know why she named the kid after him? because it's his.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 17:02

how common is his name

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Sunday 5 December 2010 17:40

there's never a wrong time to quote metallica

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Sunday 5 December 2010 18:15

Burrning haard loose and cleeaaan

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Sunday 5 December 2010 18:16

metallics sucks balls

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Sunday 5 December 2010 18:20

poop

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 5 December 2010 18:29

44- Fuck you! Metallica is awesome! You're just mad because you listen to boy bands and fake wanna-be rock bands! BITCH!

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Sunday 5 December 2010 18:46

hey he says metallics not metallica: he believes metal sucks balls...thats weird, what did metal ever do to you?

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Sunday 5 December 2010 19:00

26 is right , hubbys been whorein around

Serec 0

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Sunday 5 December 2010 19:21

I think metallic paint is pretty nice.

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Monday 6 December 2010 15:10

don't be a scrote. true metallica fans would never quote anything from Load or ReLoad. we mainly stick with Master of Puppets or Ride the Lightning.

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Monday 6 December 2010 17:16

Die! by my hand! I creep across the land, killing first born men!

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Monday 15 August 2011 7:52

Amen!

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Monday 15 August 2011 7:54

And I see red

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 2:56

Creeping death

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 19:30

Unless she threw a dice to decide the name it is indeed not. But when you just pick a popular name chances are it is.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 19:58

duh

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

wow, that sucks

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

*Everyone

cvz 0

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Sunday 6 November 2011 3:26

She spelt it right. DERP

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Wednesday 24 October 2012 17:30

what are you correcting? "everyone" is not mispelled in this FML...

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Thursday 26 November 2015 20:45

I love when a dumbass tries to be a smart ass.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:24

loser!! that sucks!

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

No don't think that Dirty Sanchez is a very common name.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 17:22

totally is.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

Could it be? Hm.

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

that is too legit

Jamieleerichter 0

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

It may just be a coincidence. Maybe she just likes that name

Brandi_Faith 33

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Sunday 5 December 2010 19:28

I agree! I mean it completely depends on what the name is! Whether it's a common name or a completely different name that no one has. Everyones baby has a really different. name now, like Knox or Sawyer, or Blake...so if he has a really different name it could be that she's never heard it before and loved it. Hopefully that's why. : /

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Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

huh. that's special.