Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new...

By momoffour - 5/12/2010 09:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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Love

Instadrama

Fear factor

Nice neighborhood

By Busted - 12/1/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

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By juliannamelissa - 6/9/2012 06:38 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

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By those_allergies - 12/5/2013 05:20 - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2013 18:49 - France - Le Rove

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

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By arrestedgun - 23/5/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

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By thammer - 24/3/2012 13:20 - United States - Appleton

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

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By Tired - 5/8/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

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By overpriced coffee shop worker - 17/11/2012 18:35 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

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By ugh - 9/1/2013 01:01 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

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By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

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By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

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By Sam - 14/10/2017 04:30

Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML

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By Hungrytoothbrush - 7/3/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

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By imwrong - 10/2/2009 11:59 - Philippines

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 05:15 - Australia

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

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By kp - 3/9/2015 16:30 - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

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By Elayne Warthen - 25/4/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

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By jocksblow - 14/11/2011 13:23 - United States

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 11:35

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

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By ELK - 18/7/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

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By notsosmart - 6/3/2011 11:28 - Australia

Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

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By acapelladisaster - 13/3/2015 00:39 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 12:16 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

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By facepalm - 12/9/2011 08:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

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By HillaryAngelic - 22/7/2013 07:09 - United States - Flint

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 08:36 - United States

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2017 01:30

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

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By porcelainleigh - 23/11/2016 19:41 - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

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By MY fault!? - 27/4/2018 15:00

Today, my mom invited my asshole cousin to my daughter's 10th birthday party, saying that this is the best time for me to apologize for having him imprisoned 3 years ago. He’s the same cousin who held my daughter hostage after the cops cornered him in a drug bust. FML

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By dck128 - 29/8/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 16:17 - Canada

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML

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By dumped - 26/7/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

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By Gloria Lovestar - 3/10/2019 20:00

All over the place

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

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By Bad sibling - 7/3/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

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By mad flyer - 21/2/2010 05:47 - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 28

#1797660 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

By satomi_ishida | 0

#1797787 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:37

OP, as long as "Jr." isn't attached to that, I think you're fine.

Comments

By Mpsteve13 | 7

#1797658 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

gimme fuel gimme fire gimme that which I desire

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1797760 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:34

yep they're definitely fucking

FlashBurn | 13

#1797813 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:43

This seems an odd spot to quote Metallica... Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, that would seem a bit more appropriate.

Furley | 4

#1797874 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:52

So, what proof do you have they are fucking?

iTaylor | 0

#1797898 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:56

you know why she named the kid after him? because it's his.

daBeast155 | 0

#1797908 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:02

how common is his name

Mpsteve13 | 7

#1798044 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:40

there's never a wrong time to quote metallica

FMLYAY | 0

#1798172 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:15

Burrning haard loose and cleeaaan

gingersss | 5

#1798178 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:16

metallics sucks balls

Alexxx125 | 0

#1798193 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:20

poop

KingDingALing | 9

#1798227 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:29

44- Fuck you! Metallica is awesome! You're just mad because you listen to boy bands and fake wanna-be rock bands! BITCH!

nathan5 | 0

#1798255 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:46

hey he says metallics not metallica: he believes metal sucks balls...thats weird, what did metal ever do to you?

MRiKiCCS | 0

#1798297 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:00

26 is right , hubbys been whorein around

Serec | 0

#1798339 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:21

I think metallic paint is pretty nice.

RageKage | 0

#1802371 - Monday 6 December 2010 15:10

don't be a scrote. true metallica fans would never quote anything from Load or ReLoad. we mainly stick with Master of Puppets or Ride the Lightning.

Mpsteve13 | 7

#1802904 - Monday 6 December 2010 17:16

Die! by my hand! I creep across the land, killing first born men!

mikep911 | 1

#3110753 - Monday 15 August 2011 7:52

Amen!

mikep911 | 1

#3110760 - Monday 15 August 2011 7:54

And I see red

dudeman1212 | 22

#6009331 - Wednesday 16 July 2014 2:56

Creeping death

By Doortje | 28

#1797660 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1798357 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:30

Unless she threw a dice to decide the name it is indeed not.
But when you just pick a popular name chances are it is.

Tittyabuse | 0

#1798520 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:58

duh

By dckbtch | 2

#1797664 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

wow, that sucks

By puffydude1 | 0

#1797666 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

*Everyone

cvz | 0

#3548229 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:26

She spelt it right. DERP

beannlove | 7

#5076269 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 17:30

what are you correcting? "everyone" is not mispelled in this FML...

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6471337 - Thursday 26 November 2015 20:45

I love when a dumbass tries to be a smart ass.

By Rawaha | 0

#1797671 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:24

loser!! that sucks!

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1797679 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

No don't think that Dirty Sanchez is a very common name.

haiden108 | 0

#1797973 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:22

totally is.

By Ranimal | 12

#1797681 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

Could it be? Hm.

By Waffle817 | 0

#1797685 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

that is too legit

By Jamieleerichter | 0

#1797697 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

It may just be a coincidence. Maybe she just likes that name

Brandi_Faith | 33

#1798347 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:28

I agree! I mean it completely depends on what the name is! Whether it's a common name or a completely different name that no one has. Everyones baby has a really different. name now, like Knox or Sawyer, or Blake...so if he has a really different name it could be that she's never heard it before and loved it. Hopefully that's why. : /

By yumsugarr | 8

#1797710 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

huh. that's special.