Love: Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new...

By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34627

You deserved it

3277

Favorite

Love

Instadrama

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Slasher

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32688

You deserved it

3869

Favorite

By me. - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

I agree, your life sucks

48401

You deserved it

7306

Favorite

By Ropebunnbon

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2501

You deserved it

1219

Favorite

By thosedamnkids - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43240

You deserved it

2627

Favorite

By moron - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31274

You deserved it

3715

Favorite

By whatisthisshit

Hellooooo, Social Services?

Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5367

You deserved it

673

Favorite

By bleeding - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28189

You deserved it

6564

Favorite

By lalalalainie - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11724

You deserved it

35303

Favorite

By samgonzalessb - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41248

You deserved it

3811

Favorite

By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20769

You deserved it

117226

Favorite

By Offended - United States

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49232

You deserved it

2976

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3535

You deserved it

335

Favorite

By Daemon - France

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20468

You deserved it

88942

Favorite

By showerpower - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16464

You deserved it

34772

Favorite

By inefficiencies - 2/2/2021 05:10

See ya!

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

You deserved it

Favorite

By stillavirgin - Canada

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23115

You deserved it

5896

Favorite

By Fattie - Malaysia

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53137

You deserved it

14183

Favorite

By anon - United States

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11057

You deserved it

103019

Favorite

By ridella

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40710

You deserved it

5450

Favorite

By HunniBeeHuni - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18298

You deserved it

27884

Favorite

By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44609

You deserved it

7385

Favorite

By newly passed, newly grassed - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32044

You deserved it

8353

Favorite

By Rich - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31202

You deserved it

4594

Favorite

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

When nature calls

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

644

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41484

You deserved it

2823

Favorite

By PartyPooped

Today, at my school, we finally had the party we worked on for the past week. I was tasked to make decorations and props for a photo booth. I made sure everything was perfect, and I even stayed up until 1 am working on the props. Not a single person used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3777

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By buymeflavoredlube

Spit or Swallow?

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4529

You deserved it

908

Favorite

By promdump - United States

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79288

You deserved it

7722

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27822

You deserved it

46551

Favorite

By BlueBirdWings - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20703

You deserved it

6764

Favorite

By womanlover12345 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39568

You deserved it

8826

Favorite

By BreakingTheMood - Finland - Vanda

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53780

You deserved it

4446

Favorite

By ADanceWithDavos - United Kingdom

Freaked out

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46869

You deserved it

4605

Favorite

By hitlerfish

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5889

You deserved it

433

Favorite

By jayne_dhoe - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32612

You deserved it

5471

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33216

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 02:01

The Phoebe Technique

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

957

You deserved it

197

Favorite

By snow - Australia

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58725

You deserved it

6758

Favorite

By ihatebadkids - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2056

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By James - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42384

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Doortje | 29

#1797660 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

By satomi_ishida | 0

#1797787 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:37

OP, as long as "Jr." isn't attached to that, I think you're fine.

COMMENTS

By Mpsteve13 | 7

#1797658 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

gimme fuel gimme fire gimme that which I desire

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1797760 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:34

yep they're definitely fucking

FlashBurn | 13

#1797813 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:43

This seems an odd spot to quote Metallica... Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, that would seem a bit more appropriate.

Furley | 4

#1797874 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:52

So, what proof do you have they are fucking?

iTaylor | 0

#1797898 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:56

you know why she named the kid after him? because it's his.

daBeast155 | 0

#1797908 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:02

how common is his name

Mpsteve13 | 7

#1798044 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:40

there's never a wrong time to quote metallica

FMLYAY | 0

#1798172 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:15

Burrning haard loose and cleeaaan

gingersss | 5

#1798178 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:16

metallics sucks balls

Alexxx125 | 0

#1798193 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:20

poop

KingDingALing | 9

#1798227 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:29

44- Fuck you! Metallica is awesome! You're just mad because you listen to boy bands and fake wanna-be rock bands! BITCH!

nathan5 | 0

#1798255 - Sunday 5 December 2010 18:46

hey he says metallics not metallica: he believes metal sucks balls...thats weird, what did metal ever do to you?

MRiKiCCS | 0

#1798297 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:00

26 is right , hubbys been whorein around

Serec | 0

#1798339 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:21

I think metallic paint is pretty nice.

RageKage | 0

#1802371 - Monday 6 December 2010 15:10

don't be a scrote. true metallica fans would never quote anything from Load or ReLoad. we mainly stick with Master of Puppets or Ride the Lightning.

Mpsteve13 | 7

#1802904 - Monday 6 December 2010 17:16

Die! by my hand! I creep across the land, killing first born men!

mikep911 | 1

#3110753 - Monday 15 August 2011 7:52

Amen!

mikep911 | 1

#3110760 - Monday 15 August 2011 7:54

And I see red

dudeman1212 | 22

#6009331 - Wednesday 16 July 2014 2:56

Creeping death

By Doortje | 29

#1797660 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

It's not.

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1798357 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:30

Unless she threw a dice to decide the name it is indeed not.
But when you just pick a popular name chances are it is.

Tittyabuse | 0

#1798520 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:58

duh

By dckbtch | 2

#1797664 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

wow, that sucks

By puffydude1 | 0

#1797666 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:23

*Everyone

cvz | 0

#3548229 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:26

She spelt it right. DERP

beannlove | 7

#5076269 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 17:30

what are you correcting? "everyone" is not mispelled in this FML...

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6471337 - Thursday 26 November 2015 20:45

I love when a dumbass tries to be a smart ass.

By Rawaha | 0

#1797671 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:24

loser!! that sucks!

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1797679 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

No don't think that Dirty Sanchez is a very common name.

haiden108 | 0

#1797973 - Sunday 5 December 2010 17:22

totally is.

By Ranimal | 12

#1797681 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

Could it be? Hm.

By Waffle817 | 0

#1797685 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:25

that is too legit

By Jamieleerichter | 0

#1797697 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

It may just be a coincidence. Maybe she just likes that name

Brandi_Faith | 33

#1798347 - Sunday 5 December 2010 19:28

I agree! I mean it completely depends on what the name is! Whether it's a common name or a completely different name that no one has. Everyones baby has a really different. name now, like Knox or Sawyer, or Blake...so if he has a really different name it could be that she's never heard it before and loved it. Hopefully that's why. : /

By yumsugarr | 8

#1797710 - Sunday 5 December 2010 16:27

huh. that's special.