144
FML - The follow-up
sparkx555 Say more :
ok, my mother lives with my brother, she is in the early stages of demetia, she's never left alone, i do everything for her, except answer the phone 15 or more times a day to answer the same questions. i do love her, more than anything, but the phone thing, between her and the nusiance sales calls, I feel a little demented myself! And I could have done with the day off, I would have spent it with her.
By sparkx555 - / Tuesday 3 January 2012 16:07 / United Kingdom
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  ohmandapants  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Comments
Reply
  hellbilly205  |  16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  Feklfekl2222  |  16

My mum calls me for an hour every day so we can catch up. Imagine trying to do that 15 times a day, probably having the same conversation. Op probably has to do a lot of the care work for their mum, and feels incredibly guilty for feeling that it is a burden talking to and looking after them.

Reply
  docscientist  |  16

Really 17? Have you dealt with someone with dementia? It takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over

Reply
  Mirequetz  |  16

My dad is the same way. You try talking to someone for 1-2 hours 3-4x a day after being at work for 8 hours and tell me it isn't mentally exhausting. I've not answered the phone sometimes when my dad calls, usually because he just wants to chat about his day, which consists of having coffee with someone, napping, having coffee with someone else, having another person over then going to bed. It's one thing if you're the only one s/he's calling but I have 2 other sisters who he does this to as well, I'm pretty sure either his phone bill is enormous or he has a wicked phone plan.

Reply
  RaggleFrock  |  16

Dementia is a horrible disease for any family to cope with, give the person a break, he could be dealing with it on his own. He obviously needs to get her some professional care to ease the strain. I bet every time she calls him to her it's the first time.

Reply
  jizzwold  |  16

I don't understand why any of you would say that the op is a bad person. If the mom can't remember that she already called them 6 times in one day then she surely won't remember that she was ignored. I have nothing but sympathy for those who are diagnosed with mental illnesses but i don't believe a child should be expected to bear any hardship for an old, feeble woman who is nothing but a shell of her former self.

Reply
  sparkx555  |  16

ok, my mother lives with my brother, she is in the early stages of demetia, she's never left alone, i do everything for her, except answer the phone 15 or more times a day to answer the same questions. i do love her, more than anything, but the phone thing, between her and the nusiance sales calls, I feel a little demented myself! And I could have done with the day off, I would have spent it with her. I didn't realise people would get so angry about my comment. Thing is with this condition you gotta laugh and joke about it, or you'd spend all day every day crying, it's not easy losing someone you love to this condition.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By  s8n666  |  12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  Manganimegrl  |  12

42- I'm actually referencing a YouTube video with someone calling Mankey a monkey, but your way is fine too. I'm a hardcore YouTuber, mostly because I have way too much time and too little to do with it.

By  ohmandapants  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  ohmandapants  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  marpay  |  22

Unless you are in OP's exact situation you have no right to judge them. Dealing with a family members mental illness is hard. You don't know how long she's been ill. After a while you would have to build a sort of immunity to it.

Reply
  ohmandapants  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  docscientist  |  22

So just be an enabler then. It doesn't help to pretend its okay and go along with the delusion. You can't let your life be ran by the disease. It's not the person's fault, but doing everything at their whim isn't healthy either. So what if op ignores one call from the mother who phones numerous times per day about the same thing? Op picked up the other 14 times to talk about the same thing. There is such a thing as wanting time to yourself, and dementia shouldn't change that.

Reply
  jizzwold  |  22

I'm glad you are around to talk sense into the idealists that, judging from how many thumbs up 9 got, apparently make up a vast majority of the fml users, docscientist.

Reply
  ohmandapants  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

I agree. I know 15 is a lot. But she deserves to hear you everytime. And it Is hard to deal with mental illnesses, cuz seeing them or talking to them makes all of it that much more real. But at least you know she loves you and she still remembers you through her dementia.

Reply
  RaggleFrock  |  22

So you would know all about the personality changes, repetitiveness, incontinence, wondering around etc. At least have a heart. You're 18 I doubt you undertook the care of an elderly person with dementia, by yourself without help. Your parents may have but I don't believe at 18 you have. If you did you would totally understand the situation this women faces on a daily basis around the clock.

Reply
  lexa1love  |  22

I work with the elderly and we get cases of someone calling their loved one multiple times. Eventually that loved one gets frustrated and yells at the person. It would be kinder to just NOT answer.

Reply
  DubstepMasta  |  22

you are an idiot #9! how would you like having 15 long conversations about the same thing per day! I love my mom but if anything I would answer it once. I would do anything for my mom but that is ridiculous. FYL OP, I'm so sorry about your mom.

Reply

I don't think it is weird at all that OP chose not to answer her mother. It is hard to deal with a metal illness, and as pointed out before, OP needs alone time as well. Plus, as her mother doesn't remember valling OP 14 times already, she probably wouldn't remember her not answering the phone, wouldn't she? I know this may sound a bit cruel, but this is a common way of handling patients with dementia. A nurse I worked with used a similar 'technique', in which she agreed to a patients demands. However, a few hours later, I asked if she did what he asked, but she said: 'No, I did not. He already forgot.' Sometimes this is the proper way to handle a situation to give yourself (and loved ones) some space.

By  Cinn_fml  |  34

Caller ID not an option? Also, why ignore it in the first place, surely you can get it over and done with quickly if you're in a rush and it is your mother.

Loading data…