By sparkx555 - 03/01/2012 16:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I ignored my phone, as my mother has dementia and calls me 15 or so times a day, thinking each time is the first. I braved horrendous rain and gale-force winds to go to work. Turns out it was work calling to tell me not to bother coming in. FML
I agree, your life sucks 12 013
You deserved it 42 948

sparkx555 tells us more.

ok, my mother lives with my brother, she is in the early stages of demetia, she's never left alone, i do everything for her, except answer the phone 15 or more times a day to answer the same questions. i do love her, more than anything, but the phone thing, between her and the nusiance sales calls, I feel a little demented myself! And I could have done with the day off, I would have spent it with her.

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Caller id???

Time to invest in caller ID!

Comments

Caller id???

Could have been the home phone, where caller ID isn't available, or costs extra. I know I don't pay for it at my house, mainly because I only use my mobile.

YDI Op, always answer if it was someone you did'nt want to talk to you could of just hung up.

For sure OP answer ur own mother with dementia when she calls u, it's probably a miracle she even remembers ur number!

My mum calls me for an hour every day so we can catch up. Imagine trying to do that 15 times a day, probably having the same conversation. Op probably has to do a lot of the care work for their mum, and feels incredibly guilty for feeling that it is a burden talking to and looking after them.

But that's blatantly rude. At least if you don't answer you can pass it off as not knowing anyone called.

That was aimed at 16

#17 that was really touching :,)

#16 - *could HAVE idiot

Really 17? Have you dealt with someone with dementia? It takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot energy to go over the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over it takes a lot of energy to go over the same thing over and over and over

My dad is the same way. You try talking to someone for 1-2 hours 3-4x a day after being at work for 8 hours and tell me it isn't mentally exhausting. I've not answered the phone sometimes when my dad calls, usually because he just wants to chat about his day, which consists of having coffee with someone, napping, having coffee with someone else, having another person over then going to bed. It's one thing if you're the only one s/he's calling but I have 2 other sisters who he does this to as well, I'm pretty sure either his phone bill is enormous or he has a wicked phone plan.

Dementia is a horrible disease for any family to cope with, give the person a break, he could be dealing with it on his own. He obviously needs to get her some professional care to ease the strain. I bet every time she calls him to her it's the first time.

I don't understand why any of you would say that the op is a bad person. If the mom can't remember that she already called them 6 times in one day then she surely won't remember that she was ignored. I have nothing but sympathy for those who are diagnosed with mental illnesses but i don't believe a child should be expected to bear any hardship for an old, feeble woman who is nothing but a shell of her former self.

Just did this to get to front, did she get fired?

Um #17 its not just a "disorder" its dementia

Fearshine your post wasn't even a reply, it was its own comment why would you make it a reply on the first comment for attention?

ok, my mother lives with my brother, she is in the early stages of demetia, she's never left alone, i do everything for her, except answer the phone 15 or more times a day to answer the same questions. i do love her, more than anything, but the phone thing, between her and the nusiance sales calls, I feel a little demented myself! And I could have done with the day off, I would have spent it with her. I didn't realise people would get so angry about my comment. Thing is with this condition you gotta laugh and joke about it, or you'd spend all day every day crying, it's not easy losing someone you love to this condition.

I love my mum, I miss her too

Time to invest in caller ID!

That's one large vegetable.

Sorry, I thumbed you down cause I thought you were talking about OPs mother. Didn't see the pic in the previous post.

OPs mom is one very large vegetable ;) Here you can thumbs this down to make you feel better xD

Fuck you ^

I thought that too. Thanks for pointing that out.

Next time check your phone haha

Time to crawl out from under your rock, replace your rotary phone and get caller id

You're obviously sexually repressed.

Get caller ID you monkey.

"Mankey." Anyone get the reference? No? Ok, back to my corner...

Pokémon? Why bring up pokémon? We are talking about effin monkeys!!

42- I'm actually referencing a YouTube video with someone calling Mankey a monkey, but your way is fine too. I'm a hardcore YouTuber, mostly because I have way too much time and too little to do with it.

82- Yup! Someone finally understands my reference!!! :D XD lol

Actually, Smosh (Ian and Anthony) say Mankey because they're actually referring to the Pokemon, haha.

105- Lol yes "If Pokémon were real," my favorite smosh video :D

Well at least now you could ask to put in overtime.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

+1 thumb, True that, karma's gonna repay u one way or the other depending on how u treat ur momma

Getting 15+ calls a day though...

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Unless you are in OP's exact situation you have no right to judge them. Dealing with a family members mental illness is hard. You don't know how long she's been ill. After a while you would have to build a sort of immunity to it.

^ I have been in that situation. You don't have to build up an "immunity" to it. It's hard yes, but imagine how it is for the person that is ill. As her daughter especially, OP should be there for her. Ignoring her calls is not okay.

So just be an enabler then. It doesn't help to pretend its okay and go along with the delusion. You can't let your life be ran by the disease. It's not the person's fault, but doing everything at their whim isn't healthy either. So what if op ignores one call from the mother who phones numerous times per day about the same thing? Op picked up the other 14 times to talk about the same thing. There is such a thing as wanting time to yourself, and dementia shouldn't change that.

I'm glad you are around to talk sense into the idealists that, judging from how many thumbs up 9 got, apparently make up a vast majority of the fml users, docscientist.

Your right. Your mom has the same problem so you know EXACTLY how OP should behave. Right? Oh no? Shut THE FUCK UP!!

Aahhhhh, how refreshing it is to watch people judge one another based on what they believe. Thumbs up for Internet drama!

I agree. I know 15 is a lot. But she deserves to hear you everytime. And it Is hard to deal with mental illnesses, cuz seeing them or talking to them makes all of it that much more real. But at least you know she loves you and she still remembers you through her dementia.

So you would know all about the personality changes, repetitiveness, incontinence, wondering around etc. At least have a heart. You're 18 I doubt you undertook the care of an elderly person with dementia, by yourself without help. Your parents may have but I don't believe at 18 you have. If you did you would totally understand the situation this women faces on a daily basis around the clock.

I work with the elderly and we get cases of someone calling their loved one multiple times. Eventually that loved one gets frustrated and yells at the person. It would be kinder to just NOT answer.

you are an idiot #9! how would you like having 15 long conversations about the same thing per day! I love my mom but if anything I would answer it once. I would do anything for my mom but that is ridiculous. FYL OP, I'm so sorry about your mom.

I don't think it is weird at all that OP chose not to answer her mother. It is hard to deal with a metal illness, and as pointed out before, OP needs alone time as well. Plus, as her mother doesn't remember valling OP 14 times already, she probably wouldn't remember her not answering the phone, wouldn't she? I know this may sound a bit cruel, but this is a common way of handling patients with dementia. A nurse I worked with used a similar 'technique', in which she agreed to a patients demands. However, a few hours later, I asked if she did what he asked, but she said: 'No, I did not. He already forgot.' Sometimes this is the proper way to handle a situation to give yourself (and loved ones) some space.

Ydi! Even if it was your mum, you should have answered. What if it was urgent? Shouldn't be so ungrateful to the one that brought you to this world.

If its urgent they'll leave a voicemail and/or call multiple times.

67- Calling multiple times is what made OP not answer the phone...

You can't see who's calling on your phone?

I don't think OP bothered to check their phone since they thought that it was their mom, (kinda sad if u think about it)

Caller ID not an option? Also, why ignore it in the first place, surely you can get it over and done with quickly if you're in a rush and it is your mother.