Miscellaneous: Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on... - FML

By snow - 22/09/2009 09:12 - Australia

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 761

You deserved it 6 760

Age difference

Deadlines whooshing by

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 1 390

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 636

You deserved it 59 091

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 593

You deserved it 50 358

By genderbender - 17/11/2010 01:21 - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 911

You deserved it 26 968

Crazy people

By NoHipster - 03/06/2020 05:02

Today, while I was waiting for a bus, a nutjob-looking dude walked up to me, then hissed, "You hipster scum, you don't even need those glasses," before forcibly removing them and snapping them in half. I was wearing regular clothes, and those prescription glasses cost me $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 112

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 396

You deserved it 35 814

By T - 01/10/2010 09:09 - France

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 775

You deserved it 3 727

By morning_glory - 27/01/2015 21:17 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 783

You deserved it 2 239

By lonestar - 03/02/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 5 681

By Talented73 - 25/04/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 077

You deserved it 366

By Frostbitten - 27/02/2013 03:00 - United States - Freeport

Spicy

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 6 085

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 275

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 08:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 548

You deserved it 3 471

By Anonymous - 03/11/2018 14:00

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 377

By jobless - 08/09/2016 18:18 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 900

You deserved it 912

Stress level: 2020

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 70

By Harry641 - 23/02/2016 22:53 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 293

You deserved it 1 501

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 213

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 01:44 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 351

You deserved it 27 843

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 290

You deserved it 4 641

All over the place

By unluckyinlove - 05/09/2021 00:31 - Australia - Ridgehaven

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and now has a 4 year old, and as he’s told me, we should get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 120

You deserved it 8 261

Jumpy

By TheSentinel05 - 27/10/2020 12:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom said my name and startled me so badly, I jumped and dropped the glass I was holding. She still isn’t speaking to me for breaking her favorite glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 14 138

By Anonymous - 07/05/2012 05:25 - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 527

You deserved it 3 033

Yikes

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 17:00

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 212

By wilsmith - 01/02/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 26 543

Special family

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 18:01

Today, my son has complex special needs, but apparently some of my deliberately ignorant relatives put no effort into learning more about his issues, and just call him "the retarded one" when they think I can’t hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 122

Brain fart Andy over here

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 16:01 - Italy

Today, as I was getting dressed after a shower, I spent a good 30 seconds searching for my underwear… which I'd already put on at that point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 281

By Beaten - 31/07/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 773

You deserved it 42 083

Snow day

By Charlie8u347 - 29/12/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 264

You deserved it 6 034

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 400

You deserved it 903

Charity

By DreDre - 12/12/2019 03:00

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 693

Some help you were

By Logged Off - 02/01/2022 07:59

Today, I turned my phone off for the first time in three weeks to have a one-hour nap. I had kept it on because my next door neighbour has health problems and I offered to be an emergency call if he needed help. I was woken up by two ambulances arriving at his house. Turning on my phone, he'd left me 5 voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 805

By Snufflopagus - 01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 342

You deserved it 10 543

By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 953

You deserved it 38 496

By Btdtgts - 25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 535

You deserved it 312

Food for thought

By Heather Scurfield - 17/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 186

By NotASpiderMan - 11/10/2015 04:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 581

You deserved it 5 993

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 2 422

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:07

Awww hun,don't worry ): Maybe he wasn't your father and was just creeped out at your message since it came from a stranger claiming to be his daughter. But if he was your father,then fuck him,he's not worth you!

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:09

4th He is not your father. The man who raised you is. Better off without him in your life.

Comments

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:05

first!

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 20:17

First of all, how can you tell that the father who you have NEVER met is the guy you just facebooked. How many people have the same name/last name combo? I think you just wierded some random guy out by claiming he was your father. This story sounds strange boderline fake.

godsrightnutsack 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 0:05

that sucks. :/

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 0:43

I found out about all my biological father's side of the family when they found me on FaceBook. I found about 10 cousins.

NotNegativeNews 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 1:56

Probably got the wrong guy. And even if it was the right guy, that was probably an unfair shock.

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Thursday 24 September 2009 15:55

Either that or he just doesn't realize that this chick is his daughter. He might not know what her new last name is or what she looks like or anything. So how's he to know?

giganticbrain 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 22:31

What the fuck is "shoked"? OH! Did you mean "shocked"? And did you also mean to say "consider" instead of "concider"? And "seems" instead of "seams"?

fridalovesyou 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:56

geez you sound like my english teacher. Calm down.

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Sunday 28 March 2010 10:41

YDI for not "meating" him in person

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Saturday 15 May 2010 8:12

hahahaha XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ImFatAndLonleyFM 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 11:34

no idiot, the same thing happened to me. My dad left when I was 1 so Its a bit different but let's say he left before OP was born. That doesn't mean OP hasn't seen pictures

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:07

Awww hun,don't worry ): Maybe he wasn't your father and was just creeped out at your message since it came from a stranger claiming to be his daughter. But if he was your father,then fuck him,he's not worth you!

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 19:21

But she didn't add him, she sent him a message and he went out of his way to not only ignore it but BLOCK her. If he isn't her a father, and simple "I think you've got the wrong person" would do nicely.

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Monday 6 September 2010 17:38

shudda sent him nudes

detroitsucks247 3

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Wednesday 5 October 2011 6:36

^ WTF

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Friday 26 December 2014 0:52

If you interpret #2 literally, I find its a bad idea to make love to your own father

peoc 0

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:07

Maybe hes never met you, or doesnt know you exist

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:09

4th He is not your father. The man who raised you is. Better off without him in your life.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 22:10

How do you know that there is a man who raised the OP? You don't know why the biological father wasn't in the picture, either. Don't get all judgmental.

SuperFlyTilliDie 0

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 23:41

Well even if there wasn't a man that raised her, why would she want to know the man that had nothing to do with her this far in life? I mean, if she's never met him then he's just a stranger... I don't get how just because they have the same genes she needs him in her life. Just because you're related to someone doesn't make them family.... Families have love.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:46

Yes, but there are a lot of kids who feel like something is missing when they haven't met a parent, or both parents, even when they are raised by two perfectly loving people. Ever heard of Darryl McDaniels from Run DMC? He was depressed half his life and didn't know why. A couple years later he found out that he was adopted. Once he had met his mother and found out a little bit of where he came from, he is a different man today. It doesn't always make sense. But sometimes, you just need to know....

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:37

It's true I'm adopted and I've met my biological mother but never my biological dad. And it just doesn't feel right not knowing...

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:10

What a jerk.

PandaPandaPandaX 0

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:10

Haha awww rejected :S Well you're probably better off without him.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:14

gosh that's mean :/

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:16

You real father is whoever raised you, not the guy whose little swimmers made it to the egg. If he knew about you and blocked you, he's a jerk, if he didn't... try a less sudden approach next time maybe. ^^;

barlessprison 16

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:21

What did you expect? If you've never met him, it was probably a huge bomb to drop on him by just claiming to be his daughter and sending him a Facebook message. Another approach would have probably worked better.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:34

That's true but maybe she was really excited! And that seemed the best way to reach him.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:25

Just go on with your life, and hope that douche isn't genetic.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 425

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 710