How does that work?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00

Today, after I spent years, and thousands of dollars, searching for my birth father, he changed his mind about adopting me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 868
You deserved it 153

Same thing different taste

Top comments

sleepymom1234 7

Why would your birth father need to adopt you? He's already your dad, isn't he?


Why would your birth father need to adopt you? He's already your dad, isn't he?

sleepymom1234 7

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. Now I'm curious about whether she has more or less pubic hair than her shared toilet and which outcome is considered winning? Such a confusing day!!!

To everyone saying this doesn’t make sense, the fact she(or he, but for some reason I am assuming a she) refers to a “birth father” implies that there’s an adoption in there, so she has a custodial parent or guardian who is not her biological father (whether a step father or adoptive father, or if she’s in foster care). What she wants is to have a relationship with her biological father and live with him, likely because her relationship with her custodial parents, but he decided he doesn’t want that responsibility. And it seems like that if it was even an option her custodial parents or guardians didn’t want her either. So essentially she’s an unwanted child.

the part that doesn't make sense is that he "changed his mind" after op "finally" found him. which means they were in contact while OP was looking for him which doesn't make sense because he would have just told them where he is.

OP, first let me say that I understand this is a painful blow. As an adoptive father, I feel strongly that your parents are the people who raised you. I don’t understand why you would feel so strongly about finding your birth father. I assume it’s the result of some fantasy about the life or parents you wanted to have. And of course this is the end of that fantasy. Remember this, if you were put up for adoption it’s probably because you birth parent(s) were unable to provide a home for you and made the judgement call that adoption would be better. Or it is because they didn’t want or weren’t ready for the responsibilities of being a parent. Given that, why would you think that now you are going to be greeted with open arms many years later? It could happen but it’s highly unlikely. The same applies to divorce and blended families - Sometimes a child thinks things will be better if they lived with the non-custodial parent. That almost never works out either. Nearly anyone can be pleasant for a brief visit, but to actually live with and be responsible for a person is something else entirely. Decisions about which is the custodial parent or about adoption are not made quickly or easily. While it’s easy to second guess those decisions, much of the driving force behind those decisions is based upon on the characteristics and situation of the person making the decision. That’s not really likely to change, even years later. If you have issues with the family that raised you, I strongly suggest you see if they cannot be worked out - At least try. I know that sometimes there are irreconcilable differences between a parent or parents and child, especially in the teenage years when things get more difficult and this can happen with natural or adoptive families. But to be honest, the likelihood of being loved and accepted is higher with the family that raised you than with the ones who put you up for adoption.