Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

Grifter

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

Market crash

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML