Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my teenage son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
But aquarium gravel is tough and gritty! If your novel is a mystery, I think that was a great compliment. Wait a second...it's also really disgusting and slimy and smells like dead fish...
ycrem0n 21
Aquarium gravel? Sniffing boot polish? In that case, I suggest you write erotic literature instead..
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Comments (150)
melrose90210 10
I find it hard to believe it could be as bad as they make it sound. I say **** 'em.
ezrabc 0
With so many comments, I'm incredibly surprised that no one mentioned the irony of this supposed writer ending a sentence with the word "at", which is, of course, incorrect.
ash1rose 11
Sorry OP. I'm am aspiring writer, too, and something like that would make me want to drive of a bridge. You can critique something without ripping it apart :(
spottyblanket 8
Well not being funny but did you proofread it first and correct all your grammar and sp mistakes? Nothing is more annoying than having to read through a friends story where they clearly have not bothered to set up paragraphs and dialogue properly, etc, particulary if it is a massive block of text... Also, make sure your friends want to actullay read it--don't force them to. Try writing a little bit at a time and cutting out all the 'padding' and edit as you go along. I always go back to the first chapter and re-read it after doing another chapter
electroguy02 4
Honestly OP, I wouldn't even bother feeling bad from such unhelpful comments from your friends. If they can't even provide constructive criticism, their opinions aren't worth anything. You see how lots of people here are giving bits of advice, like watching for walls of text or grammar/spelling issues? These are the opinions you should care about. So not FYL. Good luck!
JuuChan 3
This sounds like some douche I know named Brandon... Oops, hope that's not you.
reilyn 10
At least you have honest friends. Rather hear it from them than critics.
Bebbo_fml 21
At least they were honest!
saidawhiting 14
At least they're clever, if not exactly tactful.
at0micmin3r 23
Write it anyway and don't stop. Look at all the flack Harry Potter and Twilight (EWWW) get... and yet look how much they sold. Usually I'm a complete jerk, and maybe I am by giving you this advice. DON'T STOP FOR ANYONE!1