Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my teenage son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
But aquarium gravel is tough and gritty! If your novel is a mystery, I think that was a great compliment. Wait a second...it's also really disgusting and slimy and smells like dead fish...
ycrem0n 21
Aquarium gravel? Sniffing boot polish? In that case, I suggest you write erotic literature instead..
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Comments (150)
numbersystem 4
Your next novel should be about an oversensitive writer that slowly, cruelly, and methodically destroys the lives of those who have been critical. Then ask them again what they think about it.
hereinnc 12
At least they were honest. I won't speak on their harshness, I have no idea on your relationship with them and bluntness might be part of how you all interact. However, OP, don't give up. Keep writing!
Skittles_Rawr 8
What's it about?
linkinpark98 24
Sniffing boot polish? Please don't tell me that's going to become to new fad. .-. Lol But good for you, OP. I'm sure your novel turned out just fine. :)
SlightlyUnstable 6
Although it is humorous to read, your friends were harsh about evaluating your work. I'm not saying that they should have lied and told you that they like it, but constructive criticism would have been a much better option. The way you put it, OP, your friends sound like insensitive assholes.
bobbyn25 3
If more than one person said it then u should probably consider the possibility that it actually might suck and they weren't lying...
MoogleSam 8
Well since they aren't very helpful, I would suggest looking at these things: 1) Punctuation, if you aren't good at punctuation, writing a good book will be incredibly difficult for you. 2) The first sentence. The very first sentence has to make the person interested so these are recommended: a minor sentence, a one word paragraph, onomatopoeia, a well written dramatic sentence or actions which can make the situation seem dangerous which can either be achieved by starting at the end of the book and jumping back in time, starting off with a chase scene or making a safe situation appear dangerous and reveal it isn't. Not recommended: A name as the first word, a dull sentence with boring day to day actions only, description of the setting or character. 3) The amount of description. Several people make the mistake of giving too much description which can honestly turn a brilliant book into mind-numbing drivel which I have seen in multiple books sadly. You don't need to describe every single location nearby in excruciating detail, you only need to describe, in a fair quantity of detail, the important locations and give vague descriptions of unimportant locations they will only be at for a few pages. 4) Characters. Mixing too many characters into one story will make it boring AND confusing for people so you have to limit the main characters to 6 or below. Also, supporting characters shouldn't just disappear into the abyss, use the ones you establish, don't bring in 500. I have seen books make this mistake and it has made me extremely confused because I don't remember who R is when they only appeared in page 213 and then it focuses on S, S2, S3, T, R2, Q, R3, D, D2 and L before suddenly bringing R back in page 402. 5) Word choice. Look up synonyms of words you know that you use too frequently because a varied vocabulary is required to make a good book. 6) Genre. Don't try to cram all genres into one book, you need to pick one and focus on it, some others will get mixed in as the book progresses depending on how you write it but you can't try to mix in everything. 7) Consistency. You can't suddenly conjure up a dragon in a book that states there is no magic and no dragons 5 pages ago.
OffToTheGayBar 9
Er, this isn't a writing forum; this is FML. We haven't seen the work; we can't dole out suggestions when we haven't read it. Your post, the suggestions, might not be relevant. Who are we to know? Your advice on punctuation is a mite hypocritical, seeing as how your use is lacking at best. Judging from this post, your vocabulary isn't varied either. I focus on a whole cornucopia of genres. I haven't been gifted a single critique telling me I should not. I know a plethora of writers who focus on more than one at a time, as well. I'm, uh, not a minority. And yes, contrary to your statement, I can conjure up a dragon in a world with no magic and no dragons. It's called a hallucination. It's called surrealism. It's called being a good enough writer where you can drop things in such as that without jeopardizing the story's consistency. I understand you were trying to be helpful, but, to me, you came off a tad bit pretentious. Pretentious, if not downright arrogant.
forever_born 6
Well that's rude! Ask them to not be so blunt next time.
davek 36
Nobody told me boot polish gets you high... maybe I'll have to go and polish my boots.
TylerDirty 15
Well I guess you can't be to mad at them for not lying to you, although they were to blunt they could of said it in a better way. Perhaps you should re-write your book and show it to your friends again.