Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my teenage son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
But aquarium gravel is tough and gritty! If your novel is a mystery, I think that was a great compliment. Wait a second...it's also really disgusting and slimy and smells like dead fish...
ycrem0n 21
Aquarium gravel? Sniffing boot polish? In that case, I suggest you write erotic literature instead..
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Comments (150)
RendarSelin 5
People said the same thing about the Twilight series, but Stephanie Meyer is laughing all the way to the bank. Then again, that just tells me there's too many idiots that can't appreciate good literature, so...nevermind
jaredofmo 22
1. How literary are your friends? 2. Even if it's harsh, take criticisms to mind. I recently self-published a little book of my own, and in writing, I'd been advised to toss out my entire first draft. It was actually the best advice ever.
ImafukNskittleYO 4
It's twilight, isn't it?
TheBinksOhhhh13 0
Boot polish ...?
brutuka 2
You won't post it
pinklaf9 6
Don't feel discouraged!! Just keep writing, and finish the novel. As a great writer once told me, if you never have the will to finish the crappy novels then you will never write a good one. You never know how the finished product will turn out!
kei1108 13
Don't listen to them; they sound like terrible friends. Get someone who knows something about writing to critique it instead of people trying to tear you down.
laurenmacias 0
You know what your profession is not gonna be
brittany1655 5
in other words, continue to slave away.
capnbzarr 43
On the bright side, you now know you can count on your friends for an unvarnished, candid opinion.