Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my teenage son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
But aquarium gravel is tough and gritty! If your novel is a mystery, I think that was a great compliment. Wait a second...it's also really disgusting and slimy and smells like dead fish...
ycrem0n 21
Aquarium gravel? Sniffing boot polish? In that case, I suggest you write erotic literature instead..
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Comments (150)
carnage1108 0
Is your name Stephanie Meyer?
monkeyhead641 6
Best comment ever
TheEpicMilkMan 13
many authors fail before nailing it, you'll nail it one day OP just keep your creative juices flowing and keep trying ^_^ I believe in you!
NickKuiper 8
So basically your writing the equivalent of Alice in Wonderland...
TheEpicMilkMan 13
I love Alice In Wonderland :3 it's dark but amazing c: along with the games lol
TheGITP 0
They sound like nice friends :)
TheGITP 0
Just to let you people know that was sarcasm...
msl1333 4
Is your novel called "faster than the speed of love"?
mangoqueen 8
Haha, first thing I thought!
CyberPunkTink 0
Was it about aquarium gravel and boot polish? That might just be your problem right there....
nofearjenshere 12
Maybe you should stop writing while stoned.
MysteriousX_fml 10
Or start..
nofearjenshere 12
Touché. ;p
cchan034 23
K
krysxkatastrophe 14
Just remember: it probably sounds nicer coming from them than it would from a publishing company. Just ask them what they think needs to be changed and show it to them again when you made those changes.
Enslaved 38
Your friends sound like asses. I know it's common to jokingly roast your friends but their criticisms went a little too far- to just being plain rude.
OffToTheGayBar 9
Er, not really. I'm a writer and that's the kind of harsh criticism I look for when I present my pieces for critique. One is not going to get any better if they don't hear what people honestly thing of their work. I didn't when I showed my friends and they gave me flowery reviews. I showed real critics and got railroaded. That hurt, not the railroading itself, the fact that I had to hear it from someone else. I personally think OP'S friends gave him 'im a great load of incentive to write better.
Enslaved 38
I agree. I've done a little writing myself, as a side project. (: If the writing is not up to par, I wouldn't want someone saying it's great, especially when it's far from that. But pointing out what could be improved or what one can do differently, is not asking if you sniffed boot polish. ***btw good luck with your writings!(:
CrazyManNo9 29
Clear, honest, harsh criticism is one thing. Stupid comments that don't give you any clear information that would help you improve is something else altogether. Get new friends.
perdix 31
#64. I'm so glad you said that. That book ruined 8th grade for me! There's other Dickens that's good, but that story just sucked so badly. And it was so long!