Love: Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her...

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 08:07 - Australia - Boronia

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 350

You deserved it 4 312

Love

Taking stock

That's a funny word, mom

Do me a solid

By stillpoor - 14/03/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191 364

You deserved it 23 468

By Anon - 18/05/2011 11:47 - United States

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 10 556

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 08:30 - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 478

You deserved it 44 082

By no cake for me - 07/11/2012 07:31 - United States - Jackson Heights

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 25 865

Ballsy move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 596

You deserved it 1 884

By mark - 05/03/2012 22:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 188

You deserved it 29 060

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 793

You deserved it 4 047

By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 6 134

Give me strength

By Michael - 05/02/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 907

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 937

You deserved it 3 861

By Nanny - 30/04/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 178

You deserved it 101 837

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 4 967

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 080

You deserved it 2 805

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 08:00 - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 518

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 036

You deserved it 3 167

By KmartFart - 04/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 440

You deserved it 4 061

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 510

You deserved it 5 078

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 068

You deserved it 5 831

By dreamdude - 20/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 255

You deserved it 4 051

By Iknoweverything - 22/12/2012 08:06 - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 663

You deserved it 3 193

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 3 366

Thermoregulation wars

By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 263

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 856

You deserved it 1 573

By NotAPrincess - 12/05/2015 16:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 232

You deserved it 12 579

By LeChameauTrisomique - 14/03/2014 04:33 - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 533

You deserved it 8 922

By Kelly - 02/08/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 107

You deserved it 3 153

By aeris - 11/11/2018 09:30 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 592

You deserved it 410

I'm right here

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 05:02

Today, I realised my husband of 14 years is addicted to his phone. It's the first thing he sees in the morning, and last thing he looks at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 09:47 - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 925

You deserved it 51 166

By lemonhead - 23/05/2011 01:58

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 874

You deserved it 47 375

By fthislyfe - 18/07/2011 07:09 - Netherlands

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 403

You deserved it 3 819

By Bob - 12/11/2010 03:55 - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 078

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 23:32 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 442

You deserved it 2 583

By ew - 12/04/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 057

You deserved it 3 041

By idgit42 - 27/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 699

You deserved it 30 286

By shinymcface - 19/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 857

You deserved it 274

By StillBetterThanTwilight - 28/08/2012 15:56 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 519

You deserved it 2 587

By queenbee - 14/06/2015 13:31 - United States - Media

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 088

You deserved it 2 483

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 422

Back and forth and back again

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 19:37 - Guam - Barrigada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 033

You deserved it 3 829

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

DinosaurTacoTime 18

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:14

Seriously she deserves to be alone. Hope she fails to find someone now.

uhhSavage 22

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:17

She's still a fat bitch on the inside, don't worry.

lifeisgood_03 8

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:14

what a bitch..

sarahshanghai 9

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:55

Agreed. Just wait a few months. When no one wants her shit personality, she'll resort to eating and come running back. By the way, sorry OP

MagicStallion 9

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 18:25

Yeah, I agree. No wonder she goes around in forests stalking people. What a total bitch.

Canuck13 12

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 19:21

Don't worry, karma's a bitch…and so is your ex. The pendulum will swing around the other way again and she'll realized what she lost.

SirCharles83 13

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 19:39

Or, her hot new body will attract many guys, she will pick one, and they live happily ever after. Just because she pulled a shit move doesn't guarantee her to be unhappy. Good things happen to bad people all the time. Also, OP, maybe you should have been eating right and hitting the gym with her. Not only will it keep you looking and feeling good, but it would have potentially brought you closer together.

MDTeddy 13

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 19:51

If she can do better then why didn't she in the first place? nobody really cares about how you look unless you had to lose like 100lb.

tjv3 10

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 23:28

Well OP karma will come around and kick her in the ass

vehementbitch 4

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 4:48

You said it 1, you said it.

420Zombie 17

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 7:24

@25: well she might come back... but she definitely won't be running with all that extra poundage

dorworters 9

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 7:32

fucking hate cunts like this. they can NOT do better. fatass whore can go fuck herself.

Trickiest_K 9

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 13:53

Who the hell would vote this comment down!?

zakkyzebra 11

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 13:56

1- you spelled cunt wrong.

DinosaurTacoTime 18

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:14

Seriously she deserves to be alone. Hope she fails to find someone now.

Cairo_Sanchez 8

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 17:36

You're clearly a good person, you'll find someone who appreciates you.

Faff 20

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 19:16

I think it's great that you are being this nice to DinosaurTacoTime, but its a bit out of the blue

RaveBlade 4

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 20:06

... And become fat again because of her deception to not find anyone else.

Dr0reos 8

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 0:47

Well get out there work out, become more attractive, and find someone whose even better!

_krystallynn_ 11

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 7:32

without him supporting her, she will probably get fat again. i hope she has horrible stretch marks that never go away. and i hope she looks like a damn zebra because of it.

fksfsdhfsdfh 26

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:15

So...you were used? That sucks!

MidnaLink 33

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 17:44

No... not exactly used... just now bitch-dumped!

HeartOfLead 24

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 6:12

Maybe she needed a personal coach, poor OP.

Whaaaaaat734 6

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:16

You can do the same, OP! Forget the bitch!

JenkJenks 6

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:16

So can you

uhhSavage 22

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:17

She's still a fat bitch on the inside, don't worry.

easyprey 8

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 18:13

Op should have said, I never liked naturally fat people anyway. Then walk off, maybe while putting sunglasses on.

mrperspire 4

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 20:04

Exactly!! She will get fat again.

rbubbles 20

Send a private message

Sunday 24 February 2013 10:28

6- perfectly worded. Well done.

SadGirl18 16

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:17

That's fucked. At least you were an awesome support system. :) And now you know you can do so much better as well.

GothickNihilist 15

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 17:16

Agreed. Anyone that loving and supportive, should have no trouble finding someone new. OP I hope that you find someone who deserves you.

Bibliovore 26

Send a private message

Saturday 23 February 2013 20:02

#7, OP may indeed have been an awesome support system. But devil's advocate: from what little is here, for all we know OP may have been a lousy support system, belittling her about her weight and undercutting her self esteem until, finally, maybe even because of her eventual success at losing weight, she realized she could do better than someone who made her feel she didn't measure up. (Sorry, OP; you may well have been splendid. Feel free to chime in.)