Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an... - FML

By JenniWearsPrada - 20/4/2011 08:27

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

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Work name

The student becomes the master

Headache

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 02:45 - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

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By krissysays - 25/10/2010 02:16 - United States

Today, I heard on the news that the average debt one is in when they graduate college is $24,000. I've been in college for one year and my debt is already $20,000. And it turns out that my school's accreditation does not exist like I was told. $20,000 in debt and no college credits to show for it. FML

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By anonymous - 26/1/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

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By sarskii - 16/8/2010 23:01 - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

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By HWS - 15/4/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

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By guy - 30/7/2012 03:24 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

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By Nicholas Laughton - 16/6/2017 14:00

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

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By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

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By Mr. X - 23/2/2016 17:46 - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

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By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

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By Ashlee - 15/2/2010 15:21 - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

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By Neversleepingthereagain - 28/2/2013 19:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

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By andromeda80 - 28/3/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

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By kingpin7 - 30/3/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

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By MrDisgrace - 17/9/2017 13:00

Today, my mom bitched me out in front of my friends because I had my first kiss at "such a young age". She's 15 years older than me. FML

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By awkwardpaul - 22/11/2013 10:18 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

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By lizzzie - 9/10/2009 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

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By playdated - 6/6/2014 06:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

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By OTZ - 26/1/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2011 11:28 - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

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By sproket - 11/4/2011 23:37

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

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By norpedo - 17/5/2015 19:32 - United States - Cleveland

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

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By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

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By boob sisters - 2/7/2014 17:01 - United States - Lilburn

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

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By Zack - 11/3/2009 18:57 - Israel

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 20:00

Rock, hard place

Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML

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By caramelkarma - 15/4/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 17:08 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 14:02

Sewer monster

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 07:23

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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By cartrouble - 25/11/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 06:05 - United States

Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML

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By Well then - 1/3/2019 20:00

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started uni is my sleep cycle. FML

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By limegreenpoopie - 6/9/2016 13:38 - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

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Top comments

By IceCweaaam | 0

#2378244 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:01

Just ignore them, you're trying to make your life better while that's all they can do with theirs >_>

By marinus_fml | 19

#2378284 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:05

Did they bring folding chairs onto your front lawn, put down an esky full of cold drinks, and give you a standing ovation? If not, you're not doing it right.

COMMENTS

By IceCweaaam | 0

#2378244 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:01

Just ignore them, you're trying to make your life better while that's all they can do with theirs >_>

Reply

Norwegian_Wood | 4

#2378340 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:15

I've got to agree with number one on this. Your neighbors need to find some new hobbies but good for you for wanting to get in shape.

Reply

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378481 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:36

Ha I can see how they might think you look funny if they don't what your doing, but way to be motivated and do something to get in shape!

Reply

Carpy | 8

#2378516 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:44

or you could just make sure your windows are closed?

Reply

dum_dum1 | 0

#2378652 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:11

YDI for trying to get in shape. go to a gym like a normal person. and buy some blinds. what an idiot!

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#2378701 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:19

49, ydi for trying to get in shape? You are the idiot my friend.

Reply

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378716 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:24

Ya WTF 49. Why would you diss someone for getting in shape and working out at home? Your a Low life #49.

Reply

xoxospontaneousx_fml | 0

#2378722 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:25

I agree with 36, can't you pull down the shades or something and continue with your workout

Reply

NuyoRicanGirl | 3

#2378812 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:39

op put your hands in the air like you just don't care =p

Reply

fizzyslik75 | 2

#2379097 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:37

I don't think it's that big of a deal. the person forgot. why dont you just laugh at the fact that the person forgot to close them and move on?

Reply

esu | 5

#2385583 - Thursday 21 April 2011 23:53

it's ok you're on your way to a hotter body

Reply

mzeemzima | 0

#2397940 - Sunday 24 April 2011 14:53

wait so what OP is saying is that African dances consist of people waving their hands like idiots FUCKIN RACISM MUCH??

By teddy4nyy | 13

#2378250 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:02

haha sucks for you you fat monkey

By Dumeril | 0

#2378261 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:02

Hahaha, I love this one!

Reply

Nellygirl | 0

#2378406 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:26

*gasp!* U look like Demi Lovato! :0

Reply

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2378908 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:01

haha, no wonder I never see out of shape people running or in the gym anymore.... african dancing sounds so much more appealing....

Reply

oemgeezz | 0

#2381431 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:14

#20 a lil bit

Reply

oemgeezz | 0

#2381448 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:16

#20 a lil bit

By Isabelleee | 0

#2378263 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:03

legendary.

Reply

florenzfang | 0

#2378625 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:05

legen..dary :)

By mariazzz | 5

#2378266 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:03

have you not heard of curtains or blinds? YDI

Reply

fmart | 0

#2379025 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:24

yea really

By epicwinmaster | 0

#2378271 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:04

Y U NO EXERCISE LIEK NORMAL PERSON

Reply

Miss_Michaela | 10

#2378291 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:06

Y U NO TYPE LIKE NORMAL PERSON. Hahaha! This comment made my day, it's just full of irony.

Reply

epicwinmaster | 0

#2378316 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:09

You obviously have no clue what sarcasm is, lol.

Reply

flickyourbic1223 | 7

#2378463 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:35

13- It takes 10 two hands to hold a phone for a picture. You souldn't have expectations too high for that one.

Reply

zmoney314 | 0

#2378579 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:56

#10 Y U NO UNDURSTAND INTERNET MEMES

Reply

Randuhh_17 | 4

#2378978 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:13

41-I enjoyed your picture. Imma have to take a trip to hoe carnival...lmao!

By deputy_g | 5

#2378276 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:04

at least it wasn't porn you were watching

Reply

lmaoatall | 6

#2378444 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:31

don't knock porn workout videos. there's some good ones out there. like feeling the groove with Richard slims in. Jane pounda's jaz and jiz. and my fave, Jack off Elaine.

By Miss_Michaela | 10

#2378281 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:05

Your neighbours must have had a laugh, but they'll forget it eventually.

By marinus_fml | 19

#2378284 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:05

Did they bring folding chairs onto your front lawn, put down an esky full of cold drinks, and give you a standing ovation? If not, you're not doing it right.

Reply

DaveOnDope | 4

#2378487 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:37

I used to watch this local woman that did a morning exercise show on PBS every day. She almost always got a standing ovation out of me. But I never stood up, I was busy.

Reply

amerwin | 3

#2378913 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:03

Oh, you got a boner. I get it.

Reply

DaveOnDope | 4

#2379308 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:20

Well, thanks for the offer, but you DON'T get it. My lady gets it regularly.

Reply

movingtarget_fml | 4

#2383099 - Thursday 21 April 2011 13:51

yea your left hand or you cat is not a lady

By Residence_fml | 4

#2378305 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:08

Get that workout DVD, watch and follow it! Come on, there is no shame in wanting to get in shape and feeling good about yourself!!!! People in the gym look ridiculous sometimes too but it's so normal there that there is no need to laugh

Reply

DaveOnDope | 4

#2378525 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:46

THIS PERSON IS RIGHT!
Just close the window, pull the shade, and DO IT!