Health: Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got...

By i see fat people - 07/12/2012 21:10 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 047

You deserved it 9 841

Health

Triage

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Sorry…

By period pains - 22/08/2015 10:47 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 775

You deserved it 2 115

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 269

You deserved it 4 812

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 20:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 327

You deserved it 33 827

They're all eggheads to me

By sadie - 13/03/2021 23:01

Today, my daughter once again called my boyfriend by the name of an ex-boyfriend. She always does this and she claims it’s because they’re all bald. Can she not remember their very distinct faces? FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:59 - United States

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 091

You deserved it 2 913

By brokenkneechick - 07/02/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 2 211

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 141

By AshleyRose24 - 23/11/2013 08:02 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 053

You deserved it 3 739

By ScrewedOver - 02/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 216

You deserved it 4 513

By GhettoBeast - 08/09/2009 04:42 - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 776

You deserved it 15 578

By UnfortunatelyAmusing - 05/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Princeton Junction

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 180

You deserved it 8 637

By ninnang - 09/07/2014 21:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 977

You deserved it 3 494

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 202

You deserved it 7 374

By megan228 - 20/03/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 317

You deserved it 8 985

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 08:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 4 161

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 272

You deserved it 4 597

By blah - 15/08/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 075

You deserved it 10 394

By link - 26/05/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 4 351

By DroopyDog - 27/12/2009 08:48 - Netherlands

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 3 922

By Isoneedtomove - 09/11/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from a shipping company telling me they had dropped off a package of expensive electronics at the front door. Too bad someone stole it before I made it to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 05:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 925

You deserved it 28 796

By wtf - 15/08/2010 12:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 230

You deserved it 2 883

By Lady_Luck - 25/03/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 794

You deserved it 126 762

By Debra2005 - 20/05/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 268

You deserved it 10 677

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 60

Good boy

By akasoor - 11/02/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 250

You deserved it 5 932

By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 319

You deserved it 1 827

By hopeless - 07/10/2016 20:28 - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 308

You deserved it 793

By Nominome - 07/02/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 44 084

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 094

By chinousmc - 06/12/2012 11:30 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 786

You deserved it 3 395

Zapped

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 108

Lazybones

By ProjectDude - 20/10/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, a group project for work was due. I honestly forgot about it and edited some words to make it seem like I worked on it. Did you know that Google Docs spreadsheet can track not only the changes made, but who made the changes? My colleagues were pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 2 040

By HoobidibooFox - 13/11/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 500

You deserved it 6 388

The results are in

By PuzzleMommieCubed - 04/03/2021 21:30

Today, I went to get Covid test because I had chest pain and shortness of breath. Turns out, I just have depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 107

Fuck the patriarchy

By single not ready to mingle - 27/10/2020 18:02 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that we could keep dating, but he doesn’t see a future with me because I’m not a good submissive woman like his mother. His mother who’s been married four times for cheating on all her husbands. Yeah, good woman indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 18:11 - United States

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 3 635

By no more tp - 17/02/2011 06:22

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 019

You deserved it 4 330

By k.love - 22/06/2010 12:59 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 451

You deserved it 4 355

By Ari - 16/06/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 693

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Top comments

spaerro 8

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:17

I bet realizing someone wasn't outside your window was a real weight off your shoulders.

DocBastard 38

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:18

You really want to get in shape? Then forget the weights and go catch that motherfucker!

spaerro 8

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:17

I bet realizing someone wasn't outside your window was a real weight off your shoulders.

Stalkerloo 11

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:19

They should probably take some time to reflect over their mistake, with a large price of chocolate cake.

dre9889 4

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:22

I bet the price of that mistake is weighing on you now.

XPetrova 10

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:35

I see fat people.

oj101 33

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:39

His reflection must have been so big, he would have overwhelmed himself by his sheer size.

spaerro 8

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:39

How dare you guys thumb me down. That was a phenomenal display of humor. Where's Perdix when you need him?

Futacy 29

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:39

23- yes, that would be OP's username -_-

shaagy2760 13

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:01

If my eyes are deceiving me 25 u have 8 thumbs up

Teyros 24

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:08

The trolls passing by have yet again taken their toll on the FML audience.

spaerro 8

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:27

28, it was a joke. Lighten up, please.

Stalkerloo 11

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:38

36- Don't try and joke about thumbs. It translates terribly.

TheRandomIndian 17

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:38

36 jokes are meant to be funny

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:51

25 Set down the viewing device. Get some warm milk. Relax. And simply not give a fuck about it. Most of us don't care about the thumbs, but simply making someone smile or chuckle.

free2speak 14

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Saturday 8 December 2012 1:10

Agree with 44. I have gotten thumbed down for very well stated comments (or at least I thought they were) and thumbed up into 100's for quite a few. Doesn't make me sad/happy, either way.

gracehi 31

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Saturday 8 December 2012 2:23

A weight off his shoulders...and onto his foot.

russfml 31

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Saturday 8 December 2012 4:54

Hahaha those were awesome puns

DLT_fml 20

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Saturday 8 December 2012 6:05

I can't believe it took that long for someone to finish the pun!

mb2_native 15

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:17

Painful experience I take it haha

connerwonner 7

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:29

No it turned out to be just a boo boo.

newbiehere99 6

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:35

Honey boo boo?

mb2_native 15

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Saturday 8 December 2012 0:41

Well it depends on the weight if it was painful or not, ya never know

Dawnxxoo 11

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:17

wouldve done the same thing xD

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 8 December 2012 1:18

You get scared that easy?

SirCharles83 13

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Saturday 8 December 2012 2:09

No 47. 3 is just a dumbbell.

haha_funny_me 7

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Saturday 8 December 2012 9:39

I have to admit, my heart has skipped a beat when seeing my reflection when it's dark outside.

Lennes 12

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:18

I applaud you for the attempt, it was merely the result which was unfortunate.

nictransitglory 4

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Saturday 8 December 2012 14:35

OP needs to work his balls out first it seems.

DocBastard 38

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:18

You really want to get in shape? Then forget the weights and go catch that motherfucker!

mb2_native 15

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:21

Try sewing it back to your feet, then you wouldn't have to chase it

kenleybunch 15

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Saturday 8 December 2012 8:54

Never ending work out. I like it. Personally I think I would do well being on a treadmill with a snickers bar dangling in front of me :)

xrudeboyrock 29

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Saturday 8 December 2012 13:21

I laughed way too hard at this

mb2_native 15

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Saturday 8 December 2012 21:08

Yea, wasn't really thinking when I wrote my comments that day. Everyone has those days don't they? It's a learning experience not to comment when I have those days. I'm going to go back to my spinning chair. Any day is a good day with spinning chairs.