Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny....

By brokenrainbow. - 31/12/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

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Animals

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Assumptions

Abuse

By Anonymous - 19/9/2015 05:24 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

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By ringmaster101 - 4/3/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

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By kha - 24/3/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

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By Kathrynn - 7/3/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

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By Ishikur - 3/2/2016 13:33 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

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By Pelota - 1/7/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

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By not a jesse pinkman joke - 16/3/2015 17:55 - United States - Princeton

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

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By oops - 4/12/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

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By Infected - 20/2/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

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By JimiHendrix - 1/3/2013 01:55 - France - Luynes

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

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By anonymous - 30/6/2012 06:26 - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

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By Rightswiper - 26/7/2017 05:00 - South Africa

Trolled by technology

Today, as soon as I put my card into an ATM, the words "Out of Order" popped up and it would not return my card. Since I was at the bank, I got a free replacement. Trying to draw money again the second machine did the same thing and a third card costs more than what I have in my account. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2019 02:00

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

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By pathetic_girl - 14/10/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

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By Kelsiiii - 11/3/2020 03:00

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 20:26 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

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By Peter C. - 22/1/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By poop - 21/3/2015 16:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

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By 1357katie - 19/9/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

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By Noname - 31/12/2009 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

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By swiggityswooty - 23/7/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

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By tryingtohelp - 24/5/2020 20:00

Good samaritan

Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

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By xXxJoe16xXx - 1/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

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By anonymous - 16/9/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

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By Belt issues - 9/6/2016 12:21 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2015 00:37 - United States - Mantua

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

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By disfordiploma - 25/3/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

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By latepayer - 13/10/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

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By ZombieMommy - 10/3/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Plooped

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

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By rastafarimon - 17/4/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

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By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/3/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2014 06:06 - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

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By mylifeisfed - 4/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

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By yeastly - 9/7/2012 19:54 - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2017 14:44

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

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By arw - 25/7/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

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By stillsick - 2/3/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

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Top comments

By Silent_Harmony | 3

#747296 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:51

You can't recognise what dog pee smells like? I can't believe it took you that long to notice...

By Finch69 | 0

#747519 - Thursday 31 December 2010 20:57

I used to work at a dog grooming place and we would put a tree up every year. My boss finally changed it to a fake tree since the dogs would use it as a toilet...but with the fake tree, we never had any troubles since there was no scent.

Comments

By Silent_Harmony | 3

#747296 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:51

You can't recognise what dog pee smells like? I can't believe it took you that long to notice...

Back_In_Action | 18

#747583 - Thursday 31 December 2010 21:32

Yeah, really. Urine has a very distinct smell. Also, wouldn't the dog realize the tree is fake from the lack of scent? Darwinism will take care of this dog and the OP.

christa953 | 12

#981609 - Monday 19 April 2010 2:41

who would have think

loganm22 | 0

#986541 - Thursday 29 April 2010 17:20

haha that would suck

itswhateveridk | 0

#2581018 - Saturday 28 May 2011 21:17

Ikr

By rambles | 0

#747299 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:53

HILARIOUS! I feel sorry for you.

By JohnnyTheFox | 0

#747312 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:58

fake

polico_wolf | 0

#747317 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:00

how the hell is this fake?

By catatonicsleep | 17

#747333 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:05

you didn't see any puddles or wet patches under it?

By Tamara2011 | 0

#747335 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:05

haha well either your dumb because it took 2 weeks for you to realize or your dog just outsmarted you either way that sucks and good luck getting rid of the smell someones gonna need a new tree :)

By tehantone | 0

#747338 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:06

throw the tree out.. and the dog..

By somethingnew319 | 0

#747362 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:16

ur pretty retarded if u dnt kno why dog piss smells like

By teamedwardftw | 0

#747370 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:21

ewwwie

By WougieBougie | 0

#747403 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:38

train your dog...

pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#747505 - Thursday 31 December 2010 20:49

We have a 3 year old potty trained dog but each Christmas, without fail, she will go to the bathroom under the tree from the day we put it up until the day we take it down.

something about those trees makes them think they're outside or something

By ragsy | 7

#747409 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:42

Isnt smelt a fish?

patticake1601 | 0

#747543 - Thursday 31 December 2010 21:11

it has something to do with fish but it also is passed tense of smell, it is used in UK and Australia (where I am from) Its not used here in USA.