Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues...

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 288

You deserved it 72 514

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 210

You deserved it 52 376

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 782

You deserved it 75 992

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 989

You deserved it 7 969

By Anonymous - 09/06/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 169

You deserved it 64 331

By SpontaneousAM - 15/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 093

You deserved it 1 178

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 614

You deserved it 4 699

By burnt38392 - 24/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 503

You deserved it 19 557

By shiiiiit - 15/11/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 167

You deserved it 12 523

Close but no cigar

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 604

You deserved it 15 128

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 674

You deserved it 27 489

boycrazy30007 12

Wednesday 30 November 2011 8:31

I get being a pyro, but there is no excuse for being an idiot

ILoveEggnog 7

Wednesday 30 November 2011 8:29

I really hate to say this, but you definitely deserved it.

Comments

rosaparks14 0

Saturday 3 December 2011 2:12

Only in Kentucky....

AliCat18 12

Saturday 3 December 2011 18:41

IDIOT! enough said!

cowgirl7109 4

Monday 5 December 2011 10:18

Ur a ******* idiot

Scarlettx7 0

Thursday 8 December 2011 7:29

Put a furniture on top of it

EvanescenceLuver 12

Sunday 11 December 2011 20:15

Yay for pyromania!

MissKittie 3

Sunday 15 January 2012 4:21

Don't breed. Ever.

lolyeahthatsme 11

Monday 23 January 2012 23:27

No shit sherlocks! Who doesn't know that paper is VERY highly flamable?

kei1108 13

Tuesday 3 April 2012 19:41

You really shouldn't do that. And if you have to, at least do it over the sink.

kjklopu 1

Saturday 18 August 2012 4:14

Retardation at its greatest

OceanBlueSea 12

Thursday 20 September 2012 23:46

****** pyro....but I'd do the same thing. Haha

Keywords

Animals Cats Cute Family Awkward Sex Intimacy Alcohol Work Coworkers Health Psychology Mental health AITA Love Relationship advice Weird Cops Miscellaneous Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents Birthday Dogs Cake Cars Embarrassing Transportation Fire

The Top

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 350

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend with wet celery, a flying helmet, a feather duster, and an egg whisk as an 'Allo 'Allo! themed sex joke. He didn’t get it so I had to explain it to him, which kind of ruined the joke. In the end we just spent yet another sexless night, bored, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 290

The Top

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 920

You deserved it 6 949

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 2 142

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 774

You deserved it 91 802

Today, I am a grown ass man and I cry when someone is slightly rude to me. I pretend to own my extreme emotional sensitivity, but when push comes to shove, I hate it. I wish I could be more assertive but I just can't. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 263

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 039

You deserved it 1 467

Today, my brother turned into a fanatical vegan, and while I was eating my scrambled eggs, sat across from me glaring and whispering, "fried embryo, amniotic fluid" the entire time. I have a feeling i'll be eating most of my meals in my room from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 164

Same thing different taste

Close but no cigar

Top comments

Comments