Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson.... - FML

By Shady_Soldier - 31/10/2013 08:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

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Fear factor

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Social distancing gone wrong

By anonymous - 21/3/2011 19:01 - United States

Today, I tried to clock in at work, only to have the clock tell me I "wasn't scheduled", so I asked my boss what was going on. Turns out I was fired, and this was her way of avoiding conflict. FML

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By Parenting... - 27/8/2013 04:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

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By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

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By Blackfell - 7/8/2012 17:59 - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

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By T - 1/10/2010 09:09 - France

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

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By peaaaak - 3/6/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

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By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 6/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

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By NoConfusion - 14/9/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

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By ohdang - 12/8/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, whilst babysitting, I broke a glass. I explained to the kid that it was very important not to walk barefoot around where it had happened, because of the tiny bits of glass. He jumped back, scared, and while doing so tripped. I rushed to help him and ran through the broken glass. Barefoot. FML

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By Jer - 15/7/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

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By Kamburgler - 2/7/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

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By Megan - 17/8/2012 07:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

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By meatballz - 16/3/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

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By notpregnantthankgod - 20/11/2015 17:20 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

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By BrokeAF - 22/12/2016 12:21

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

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By santasadiekins - 17/8/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2016 16:35 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

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By so much pain... - 9/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 07:10 - United States - Cedar Crest

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

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By dumped and dusted - 13/7/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

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By mylifeissad - 30/12/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

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By awkwardbf - 9/9/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

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By HM - 6/4/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2019 06:00 - Australia

Roller coaster ride

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2013 19:59 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

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By possibly a sweater - 5/12/2013 22:26 - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

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By amy1023 - 26/11/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

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By Christoams - 12/1/2009 04:35 - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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By Stinkbomber - 24/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2016 02:39 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

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By epicfail - 28/5/2011 06:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

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By LoveBytes - 27/3/2012 21:29 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

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By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/2/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

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By smsmall - 3/10/2011 12:08 - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

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Top comments

By skilova4lifezzz | 19

#5736642 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:26

Wow. What a thriller. Probably scared you black and white.

By Welshite | 39

#5736643 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:26

I'll bet you Beat It out of there.

Comments

By skilova4lifezzz | 19

#5736642 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:26

Wow. What a thriller. Probably scared you black and white.

Reply

deet124 | 10

#5736659 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:36

Dammit you beat me to it. FML

Reply

Nyx_fml | 23

#5736660 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:37

All OP could do was Scream.

Reply

epicwaffles | 7

#5736663 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:39

Am I the only one not making puns and wondering how they got the real Michael Jackson to pose as a statue?

Reply

xXxJaGsTeRxXx | 11

#5736666 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:41

OP didn't even notice. That man is such a smooth criminal.

Reply

HowieDoIt | 21

#5736698 - Thursday 31 October 2013 17:16

These puns are so Bad. It's time to learn the ABC's of humor.

Reply

trueblue170 | 13

#5736702 - Thursday 31 October 2013 17:19

It IS Human Nature to be scared of some things.

Reply

mackdeezy | 21

#5736748 - Thursday 31 October 2013 18:32

I guess This Is It. The moment when you face the facts and realize your fear is Invincible.

Reply

fucMyLifeSoHard | 18

#5736813 - Thursday 31 October 2013 19:24

18- I really hope you're kidding.

Reply

Freethaawave | 19

#5736904 - Thursday 31 October 2013 20:27

#56 - Youuu are not alone

Reply

bfsd42 | 20

#5736936 - Thursday 31 October 2013 21:07

No 18, you are just thread Jack-ing.

Reply

andrealovvve | 17

#5736969 - Thursday 31 October 2013 21:52

There's no words for how idiotic you made yourself sound.

Reply

swaggalikethat | 22

#5737005 - Thursday 31 October 2013 22:41

That sounds Dangerous, I hope it wasn't too Bad, Op.

Reply

mansen | 15

#5737038 - Thursday 31 October 2013 23:37

ABC 123...Peeee!!!

Reply

jman26 | 11

#5737286 - Friday 1 November 2013 3:19

It coulda Ben worse

Reply

Kage01 | 4

#5737399 - Friday 1 November 2013 5:10

Time to look at the man in the mirror

Reply

Bobby_007 | 9

#5737685 - Friday 1 November 2013 11:50

#18 you need to, Beat It.

Reply

karlymarie27 | 9

#5738266 - Friday 1 November 2013 21:14

#18 You can Beat It out of them.

By Welshite | 39

#5736643 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:26

I'll bet you Beat It out of there.

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5737311 - Friday 1 November 2013 3:48

Yeah, if I were the OP, I'd leave too. After all, I don't Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'.

Heck, I'd probably laugh about it in the future. "Remember the Time when I Scream-ed at that Stranger in Moscow?"

By DocBastard | 38

#5736644 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:28

Your fear of Michael Jackson? What's to be afraid of? He just liked children, slept in a hyperbaric chamber, had a pet monkey, destroyed his face with plastic surgery...

Ok you have a point.

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5736651 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:31

His face after all the surgeries creeped me out the most. My brother printed out pictures of him and posted them all over the house and my room to help me "get over it".

Reply

skilova4lifezzz | 19

#5736654 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:34

That's Bad, could have ruined your Childhood, but don't worry #9; You Are Not Alone. We will all Come Together, and as a group we will Smile as we Heal The World.

Reply

\ | 28

#5736722 - Thursday 31 October 2013 17:49

If MJ had went to therapy and not used Propofol, he'd likely still be with us today.

Reply

Cwizer | 17

#5736735 - Thursday 31 October 2013 18:19

Nothing to see folks. Just another pop legend scaring people in the afterlife. It is Halloween !!

Reply

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5736868 - Thursday 31 October 2013 19:55

I think there should be a phobia of Michel Jackson...
There is one for everything... Even for Halloween O_O

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5737040 - Thursday 31 October 2013 23:38

We'd call it kingofpopaphobia.

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#5737144 - Friday 1 November 2013 1:47

Don't forget that he turned himself white

Reply

buttcramp | 21

#5737216 - Friday 1 November 2013 2:27

I grew up scared of him too

Reply

Sputnikspak | 13

#5737268 - Friday 1 November 2013 3:03

83 - He didn't so much turn himself white as he had vitiligo, spots started showing up in the 80's and eventually his skin was white with brown spots, it was easier to use makeup to make him all white.

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5763891 - Friday 22 November 2013 10:33

So I AOL searched "michael jackson scary face" and clicked "Images". God bless anyone who decides to do the same.

By sassypants93 | 17

#5736645 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:28

He is the king of POP!

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5736717 - Thursday 31 October 2013 17:42

How DARE you even breathe that hack's name in the same thread as His Majesty?!

Reply

cgart96 | 14

#5736869 - Thursday 31 October 2013 19:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5736901 - Thursday 31 October 2013 20:24

^ You seem fun at parties

By thatonegirlnic | 10

#5736646 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:28

You fear him? So You don't happen to be the baby he dangled off the balcony do you...?

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5738941 - Saturday 2 November 2013 6:55

Makes some people wish he was Eric Clapton's kid instead...

By MattOnFML | 13

#5736647 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:29

Tough luck on that. Still a funny joke though! Just unfortunate that it was scarring someone afraid of a person or statues.

By skilova4lifezzz | 19

#5736649 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:29

I don't blame you though, it is Human Nature.

By BFons | 19

#5736650 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:29

Haha that's great.

By Enslaved | 36

#5736653 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:33

Why do you have a fear of him? Did he invite you over for a sleep over?

By riddenhopes | 13

#5736655 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:34

Ask Billy Jean to help you with your fear.