Today, after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhea, I somehow managed to get poop on the ceiling. I still don’t know how it ended up there, and I’m too short to reach it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
My guess is that it hit the fan. Hire a hazmat team to clean up the mess. If you try using some contraption, you'll probably get shit-faced.
Marcella1016 32
Broom handle with a rag on it maybe? Get creative. And for God’s sakes eat more fiber lol
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Comments (4)
Marcella1016 32
Broom handle with a rag on it maybe? Get creative. And for God’s sakes eat more fiber lol
RichardPencil 32
My guess is that it hit the fan. Hire a hazmat team to clean up the mess. If you try using some contraption, you'll probably get shit-faced.
Marcella1016 32
Nah, OP needs to go all in with a Rube Goldberg machine. Depending on its complexity and his mechanical prowess, worst case scenario he’ll end up with egg on his face.
RichardPencil 32
It's a lot harder to build a good Rube Goldberg machine these days. You can't find midgets to be part of a contraption, and PETA will be all up your ass if you use animals in the process!
Kaylameows 4
Damn… that’s one nasty one 😂