Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML
Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML
Today, I went to my gym and tried a new workout machine that had just been installed. I set the weight too high and ended up stuck halfway through a lift, making weird struggling noises. Most people around me stopped and stared as I awkwardly dropped the weights. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML
Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML
Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML
Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML
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Top comments
GoW_Chick 14
eBay to the rescue!
mwrc8man94 1
Wear a helmet.
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Comments (81)
GoW_Chick 14
eBay to the rescue!
taradeborde87 3
And don't worry about your landlord or security deposit while you're at it. And any common sense you may have, just throw that out the window too. So stupid.
yourdumb101 0
Hey whats up
aliciamartinez15 11
Do u have a balcony...
Keyman1212 14
When people question the bruised knees, tell them one of your resolutions was to 'please' more people.
mwrc8man94 1
Wear a helmet.
oreobunbun 3
Dig a hole
death_dolphin24 0
Break the ceiling
freakinglaugher 10
I am fat and I'm digging a hole, diggy diggy hole. Anyone?
Rowdey 10
107 - I have no idea what your talking about, dude.
Marcella1016 31
Keep your head down?
Hobbit_Killer 3
That's okay, you probably would've given up on your new years resolution soon anyways!
shellz102 12
Well at least he actually meant his new years resolution unlike that other guy
perdix 29
You just need to bend over when you use it. Please send me video of you putting my sage advice to use;)
perdix 29
Man, if she falls for that and sends me a video of herself working out naked, I'm sending it to you and I'll buy you a beer for being a great wingman!
ohmandapants 16
Duck.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Goose!
ohmandapants 16
Aw man I suck at this game.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
It's ok, it's not for everyone I guess.
ohmandapants 16
Definitely not :'-(
silentbutfunny 0
Hen! :)
iDaniel525 8
Co-ROOSTER!
ShakeMeDown 12
Dead cow! Am I winning? :o
rofl99 0
Taco... Nothing bwats tacos. YES it counts. Some people eat duck... Bleh. x3
xbrit551 13
Awww! Go for a nice jog outside, smell the fresh air possibly see some wildlife.
redmnky21 8
how low are ur ceilings or how tall in the machine? I don't see why you can't return it, its not like its underwear, most companies have a buyers remorse period
deadbabies 0
Elliptical machine: $450 Your daily food consumption: $500 Monthly budget for broken chairs your fat ass has to replace: $1000 The look on your face when you realize buying a tape measure and reading the dimensions would have saved you $450: Priceless
WCARlover 34
^no.
upyourzlolz 11
$500 daily? $1,000 for chairs? What are you, eight years old?
GoW_Chick 14
Maybe they're really expensive chairs...
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I remember those commercials! Apparently, no one else does ._.
chelseaaababyyy 17
56 - we remember the commercial. his comment just sucked.
downtime 12
56 Also, it doesn't follow the theme of those commercials. It wasn't just 1 main cost followed by a few vaguely related points that don't tie in to the punchline, usually the final comment wrapped up all the key points.
efemel94 7
Exactly. My wife left me for having irrelevant and depressing punchlines The holocaust
downtime 12
Weird. Your wife left me for being an over-opinionated asshole who always has to make condescending cynical remarks. Maybe shes just a bitch with unrealistic expectations of people.
WCARlover 34
Crawl on it :p haha