Miscellaneous: Today, I auditioned for my school's production of Romeo and Juliet....

By Juliet - 10/03/2011 12:36

Today, I auditioned for my school's production of Romeo and Juliet. When they announced that I got the part as Juliet, all the guys auditioning for Romeo suddenly disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 5 909

Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

Sorry…

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 268

You deserved it 21 960

Livin' la vida loca

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 08:01

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he can have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 719

By tbalboa - 01/07/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 3 262

By smarie09 - 06/03/2010 22:44 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 052

You deserved it 5 978

By wintersoldier - 14/07/2015 02:36 - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 993

You deserved it 2 355

Jackson Galaxy wanabee

By oh.geez - 05/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 4 870

By Wow - 04/09/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 846

You deserved it 3 287

By In Pain - 11/01/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 627

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 056

You deserved it 3 877

By 2ndgenoration - 17/05/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 531

You deserved it 4 188

By sad-sexed - 06/09/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 038

You deserved it 55 331

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 10:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 336

You deserved it 31 892

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 412

You deserved it 7 317

By stepsister - 10/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 414

You deserved it 4 066

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 00:00

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 614

You deserved it 3 118

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 11:33 - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 583

You deserved it 4 001

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 049

You deserved it 2 942

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 1 347

By sam - 02/05/2010 00:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 47 416

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksma - 29/01/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 730

You deserved it 633

By tsardaukar - 01/04/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 72 469

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 04:59 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 878

You deserved it 6 882

By bundie - 28/12/2008 07:02 - France

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 5 090

By hcditfi5foygy - 23/09/2018 13:30

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 130

By shitty candles - 01/12/2014 07:30 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 541

You deserved it 3 676

By wowza - 31/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 420

You deserved it 2 458

By Dave - 10/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 404

You deserved it 3 554

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 513

You deserved it 51 500

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 2 677

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 5 040

By Labro9 - 23/10/2016 08:20

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 475

You deserved it 654

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 539

You deserved it 4 114

By gj09 - 22/11/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 628

You deserved it 2 573

"I Raised a Sociopath"

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 9 782

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 676

You deserved it 6 080

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 888

You deserved it 5 976

By Sugartits - 08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 027

You deserved it 381

By Partners - 22/06/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 3 376

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Top comments

cheerupsookylala 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

where for art thou Romeo!

ruben_A_ruiz 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

I thought juliet was supposed to be pretty

cheerupsookylala 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

where for art thou Romeo!

barniclest 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:04

damn wanted to post that :(

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:07

sucks to be ugly

fluffyzoe64 1

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:08

It's a play, they know they're acting, right? No justification in leaving.

barniclest 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:10

#18 yeah there is if she ugly a fatty or both!

kill3rs 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:12

rofl

JordonMurray 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:12

#16 and #20- lmao to both replys!!!

spanelli 16

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:36

1- Actually, "wherefore art thou Romeo?" means,"Why are you Romeo?" (or something close to that). Since, Juliet is a Capulet and Romeo is a Montegue(sp?). She is not asking where he is. No worries though, a lot of people make that mistake.

catnip216 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:50

I was going to mention the same thing, "wherefore" = "why". In other words, "Why are you Romeo *Montegue*? Couldn't you have been from any other family?"

diskdude13 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:10

I'm pretty sure that means why are you Romeo or something like that.....

dudeitsdanny 9

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:11

^Ditto. Call me a nerd, but it bugs the fuck out of me when people use it incorrectly. But if I say "wherefore" to someone, and they respond correctly, we can be bestfriends. English nerd for life.

aardvarkish 15

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:37

45, correct. "Wherefore" is the question. "Therefore" is the answer.

11colio11 4

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:41

ужжаззухјлд

breakofdawn1 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:46

who cares ??????

ishatmyselfonce 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 18:35

^well you're from Russia so obviously you won't coz you know, everythings backwards there :L

instnt1nfction 17

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Thursday 10 March 2011 18:41

that's soviet Russia

rallets 22

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Thursday 10 March 2011 19:13

wow, way to shit all over #1's comment

AsianCookie247 14

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Thursday 10 March 2011 22:38

^ exactly what I was thinking.

missory_missouri 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:21

#1 said 'where for' not 'wherefore'..'Twas a pun. (For me it was anyway.)

impatientsnake 4

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:24

lol that retard

stewpididiot 11

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:45

MOOOO !!!!!!

ugwmii 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 3:03

noons. everyone knows it's "whatever are for thou thee lunch"

needsagf14 12

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Friday 11 March 2011 3:54

actually "wherefore" means "why"

needsagf14 12

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Friday 11 March 2011 3:55

my only love came from my only hate

needsagf14 12

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Friday 11 March 2011 4:21

damn I'm late

jose190617 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 4:37

I have to read the play it's so boring we just started act 4

gab_metal 3

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Friday 11 March 2011 5:26

Regardless of whether or not he knows exactly what 'wherefore' means - it's still funny.

izzy21_fml 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 6:44

now are you fat?

spanelli 16

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Friday 11 March 2011 7:16

155- Since "wherefore" was used incorrectly, it really wasn't that funny. Unless you didn't know what "wherefore" meant, I suppose.

IDGAF15 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 15:07

'wherefore art thou romeo' means ' why are you romeo?' just thought you know..

datguyuno 5

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Friday 12 August 2011 2:41

U idiot that mean why are you Romeo in shakespearian

ergo_fml 13

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Monday 21 May 2012 5:07

You guys are all pretentious idiots, it was obviously a joke.

MzKylz 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

oh that sucks.

CrazyDutch 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 21:12

you suck

HappyCynic 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 21:40

we suck?

TheKingofdaNerds 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:06

Everyone sucks!

EatnBeef 7

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:20

I'm not allowe to suck

ImmortalKratos 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 3:07

no just you

KZN02 18

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

Could it be a coincidence?

ghostychi 9

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

that sucks. maybe they all got nervous and scared of you

Ranimal 12

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:02

Maybe it wasn't a problem with you, something may have came up. Or maybe it was, I'm not too sure.

xoxchelaxox08 17

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Thursday 10 March 2011 22:30

Yay! It's nice to see nice comments. :)

chrisssyx3 0

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Friday 11 March 2011 7:03

agreeed. ^

ruben_A_ruiz 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:01

I thought juliet was supposed to be pretty

L3Paparazzo 7

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:31

lolzzzzz apparently not :P

iSitt 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:39

maybe they can't descriminate based on looks

guckylynn 19

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:01

Maybe the girl is just really bitchy or rude or something

Kallik 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 17:30

lol I actually find that pretty funny :P

TheNewGuy03 28

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Thursday 10 March 2011 19:25

cue ridiculously fat news anchors who take up all the entire screen when pointing out weather patterns. everyone wants to be politically correct these days. whatever. i'm not dissing fat people -- i'm just saying you can't please everyone. some roles just shouldn't be played by certain people. |the kid|