Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea... - FML

By frenchy - 24/3/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

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Territorial pissings

This ain't working out

Creepy

By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00

Going pro

Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML

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By fmlsrsly - 25/3/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

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By ooh cat - 18/5/2012 21:50 - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

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By yourmainman - 28/1/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 09:26 - United States

Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML

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By fuckmyjob - 19/6/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

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By emie0209 - 11/4/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

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By Loose Goose - 24/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2010 11:13 - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

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By hoboman - 2/9/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

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By itsalwaysme - 9/11/2017 06:00

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

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By BAMN2187 - 31/12/2013 03:51 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

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By Felicityfrank - 1/5/2014 14:17 - Australia - Glen Iris

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

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By triplenipple - 10/1/2011 20:35 - Sweden

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

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By ouch - 20/12/2011 12:46 - Australia

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

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By Username - 16/4/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

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By Boo - 16/8/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

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By olive_costume - 5/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By father of the year - 1/8/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

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By Tom - 1/11/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

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By Lies - 19/8/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

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By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 21:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

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By BiteMe - 30/8/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

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By leela - 25/5/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 07:56 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By natasha - 1/7/2020 05:03

The void

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

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By blacktyaffair - 9/11/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

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By reluctant teacher - 15/6/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

School's out for summer, thank God!

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

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By mummer11 - 15/11/2013 17:49 - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

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By ellarose - 10/4/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

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By Alisha - 30/3/2011 17:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

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By Steven - 3/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Judgmental much?

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

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By tonedef - 9/7/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

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Top comments

By tekie | 0

#55273 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:18

Ugh....I had this happen with someones kid when I was working in a childrens clothing store. The kid told the mom for 30 minutes that she had to go potty, and the mom ignored her. She left a trail of diarrhea all over our store. I had to clean it up because I was 17 at the time, and the only one working who wasn't a manager. Gross. People are disgusting and rude. I'm sorry you had to deal with this!!

By audiogasmic | 0

#55270 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:18

ugh that's disgusting, i understand it can be hard to hold explosive diarrhea in, but honestly at the first sign of pain down there you should probably skidaddle to a bathroom ASAP.

sorry you had to deal with that :(

COMMENTS

By derfboy23 | 0

#55265 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:16

FIRST!

And that's exactly when you ask your manager for a payraise :-Þ

Reply

ampsmagss | 0

#1180905 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:14

sucks!!!!!

By audiogasmic | 0

#55270 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:18

ugh that's disgusting, i understand it can be hard to hold explosive diarrhea in, but honestly at the first sign of pain down there you should probably skidaddle to a bathroom ASAP.

sorry you had to deal with that :(

Reply

kiki123_55555 | 0

#955786 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:47

well my taffy councler Julie had to clean shit out of the porta-potty. How she found out? she was getting toilet paper and it was in there, in the urinal, and on the walls. So BEAT THAT HOTWHEELS!!!

Reply

joeh1219 | 0

#960536 - Thursday 18 March 2010 3:11

comment space wasted

Reply

angrymexican | 8

#3979919 - Thursday 2 February 2012 3:38

First of all, it's hotwheels, beat that, not beat that hotwheels, second of all this one is way worse.

By tekie | 0

#55273 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:18

Ugh....I had this happen with someones kid when I was working in a childrens clothing store. The kid told the mom for 30 minutes that she had to go potty, and the mom ignored her. She left a trail of diarrhea all over our store. I had to clean it up because I was 17 at the time, and the only one working who wasn't a manager. Gross. People are disgusting and rude. I'm sorry you had to deal with this!!

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1025810 - Thursday 10 June 2010 2:33

your story is more of a FML cause you weren't trained to do. op YDI for getting trained in that and complaining, it's your job!!

Reply

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6545361 - Friday 26 February 2016 1:09

I feel sorry for you having to clean that up, and I feel sorry for that kid because her bitch of a mother ignored her. That's an example of dumbass parenting at its finest. When your child had to go, stop whatever you're doing and take them to the damn bathroom.

By amirn86 | 0

#55277 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:20

Wow that sucks. It sucks even more that you had to through special training to clean up someone's shit

Reply

deadpool91 | 0

#2177095 - Sunday 13 March 2011 19:43

wow it's really a fml if you are trained in biohazard waste removal, and you're working in a frickin grocery store. I was doing that when I was 14.

By tehhotness | 0

#55279 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:20

Diarrhea = hilarious. Except when you have to clean it up i suppose

By jam26 | 0

#55281 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:20

quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever read on this site.

Reply

Jdeluxh | 12

#2897393 - Friday 15 July 2011 13:03

Yet your picture is still more disgusting

By z_vet | 0

#55287 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:23

It is disgusting. +100 #1.

By Evilaine | 0

#55288 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:24

I agree with jam26...that's pretty horrible.

By gumcuzzler | 0

#55302 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:29

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

By arm89 | 0

#55306 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 16:31

ahahahaha im sorry, that sucks. this same thing happened at my old job...only the manager cleaned it. AND after the lady went to the bathroom, she proceeded to shop with poop dripping throughout the store, holding her dirty underwear in her hands! hahah not to mention, we only have carpeted aisle in the whole store......... that was where the majority of it dripped.