Animals: Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse...

By AylaMarie92 - Canada - Hopkins Landing

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

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AylaMarie92 tells us more :

OP here. I definitely threw away the toothbrush after this, and brushed my teeth with a brand new, mouse-free toothbrush for about 2 hours straight, and listerine listerine listerine o.o I keep my old toothbrushes around for such occasions when there's a hard to reach, disgusting mess to deal with such as this one XD Thanks for all your comments, I've had my tetanus shot lmao, still going to get checked out by a doctor ASAP

Animals

BO Central

Teenagers, amirite?

Pay up, dude

By stepmom - Australia

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

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By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

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By embarrassed - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

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By Scaredwitless - United States

Spooky

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

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By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after storing it for a year, driving it 750 miles to a new home, and waiting a week for a wall mount to come in, I was ready to hang the hand-painted, decorative window my brother gave me. The chain snapped as I picked it up and it shattered when it hit the floor. FML

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By couch potato

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

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By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

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By dumbucksally

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

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By I'm a joke?

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Panama City

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

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By Rachael - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

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By "refines"

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

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By creys - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

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By blairheir721 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

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By nurse - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

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By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

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By thisguy - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

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By Alexismaria - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

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By CollegeKid

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

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By freckleboy422 - United States

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

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By mackenzie_cain - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

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By tommy - United States

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

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By Sleep Walking - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

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By HardTimes

Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML

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By kellb123 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

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By grossedout - United States - Newport News

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

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By It burns down there

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

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By - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

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By momolee - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

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By strikeout - United States

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

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By Ames - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 20:02

Mixed signals

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

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By littlefella - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

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By fml - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

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Top comments

By 3mi1y_ | 16

#6014974 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

I actually just cringed

By mentallizzard | 19

#6014972 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

what a terrible mistake

COMMENTS

By mentallizzard | 19

#6014972 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

what a terrible mistake

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#6015055 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:52

Yeah, talk about your ratatouille.

ber4fun | 23

#6015206 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 12:36

It's karma for using a mousetrap instead of the less lethal traps.

PeopleLikeGrapes | 12

#6015231 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 13:31

Get over it #57, you can't put poison everywhere.

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6015240 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 13:47

#57- Also, if you're talking about using the sticky traps instead, those are horrible and cruel. Mousetraps get the job done much quicker and painlessly; sticky traps leave the animal terrified and unable to move while they slowly starve to death, and some (not all) poisons are dangerous to animals who eat the mouse after it has injested the poison.

reneetlovesyou | 30

#6015453 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 18:15

Not to mention the fact that you shouldn't put poison on your stove.

By noahf0108 | 5

#6014973 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

Damn that sucks OP, hope you don't get sick!

Ian7890 | 23

#6015355 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 16:19

This is one of the nastiest fml's I have heard

thatADHDdude | 21

#6016551 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:59

This one is definitely up there but go to "best of all time" and you will be disgusted

By 3mi1y_ | 16

#6014974 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

I actually just cringed

LibertyLife20 | 20

#6015000 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:03

So did I!

OhWhoCares | 42

#6015034 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:27

My first reaction was to cringe. I can't imagine what that must've tasted like. Don't mice have fur? Or hair of some kind? o_O

brandoneyez1 | 25

#6015266 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:52

I think everyone who read this cringed.

mete_orito | 34

#6015279 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:26

Never eat while reading FML.... never eat while reading FML.... I have to remember that!

Queenie2014 | 11

#6015646 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 22:26

Yeah. I wasn't even eating and I just threw-up a little.

NzaHaFML | 13

#6015862 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 3:05

I legitimately gagged.

By ostfaiz | 18

#6014975 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:51

yaaaks..you need an acidic mouthwash now plus FYL

martialart1st18 | 19

#6015082 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:28

I would want the top layer of the skin in my mouth to be completely gone!

junkman6 | 22

#6015267 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:56

Gargle with bleach. Obviously the only solution.

Taink3765 | 6

#6015611 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 22:05

@38 Eat a hot pocket

By DARKDAY07 | 16

#6014976 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:51

ohhh snap time for the listerine and seriously who puts ydi on this.....

10splayer | 5

#6015026 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:23

haha, does anyone ever really deserve to have crusty rat blood in their mouth?

badluckalex | 23

#6015078 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:21

sometimes people put ydi on accident, but there are some trolls

junkman6 | 22

#6015268 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:57

Doing something completely idiotic to yourself... Yeah you deserved it for being completely idiotic. I mean everyone's done stupid things to themselves and we all know deep down we deserved the results.

1two3four5six | 23

#6015471 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 18:35

What, you've never made a mistake out of habit, #69?

junkman6 | 22

#6015751 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 0:32

Umm yeah I have, I even said I had. You know the part where I said "we've all done stupid stuff to ourselves" .... But I still deserved it for being an idiot.

To get philosophical on ya. If you can't admit you deserved it for being an idiot you'll probably stay an idiot.

AninOnin | 24

#6015801 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 1:32

I put YDI just because it should be common sense not to put a mouse trap on counter space or on your stove. Seriously, who wants a dead rodent where you prepare food?