Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse...

By AylaMarie92 - 21/7/2014 21:04 - Canada - Hopkins Landing

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

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AylaMarie92 Say more :

OP here. I definitely threw away the toothbrush after this, and brushed my teeth with a brand new, mouse-free toothbrush for about 2 hours straight, and listerine listerine listerine o.o I keep my old toothbrushes around for such occasions when there's a hard to reach, disgusting mess to deal with such as this one XD Thanks for all your comments, I've had my tetanus shot lmao, still going to get checked out by a doctor ASAP

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By mjbx - 1/1/2012 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

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By Username - 25/5/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By OpenSesame - 9/5/2020 05:00

Portal

Today, at Walmart, I unknowingly chose the only non-automatic door to exit through. I stood in front of the door looking for the motion sensor while the greeters laughed at me for at least half a minute before I saw the "PUSH" sticker. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2020 01:00 - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

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By prego - 30/4/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

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By sara - 24/7/2020 23:01

Spotted

Today, I discovered my first wrinkle at the same time as my millionth zit. FML

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By CriminalMistake - 4/5/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

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By anon - 8/3/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

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By arw - 25/7/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

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By AmericanDream - 1/12/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

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By notmyfault - 14/1/2016 22:21 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

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By Garfield - 21/1/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

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By WPA2 OR DEATH - 7/12/2012 21:49 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 08:00

Rules are rules

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

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By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

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By Ya - 10/5/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 19:00 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2012 05:55 - United States

Today, I was finally leaving my hometown to live in my dream city. Everything was packed, keys were handed in, goodbyes were made. The moment my truck began pulling out to get underway, the guy I had gotten a room from in my new city called to inform me that he decided to rent to someone else. FML

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By lerouxmaster - 22/12/2010 11:43

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

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By DontBeRude - 28/9/2015 04:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

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By NotSoSick - 12/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

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By fihifgni210 - 20/5/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

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By ~~~~ - 27/5/2016 18:45 - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

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By Alisha-_- - 23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

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By t-dawg - 9/5/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

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By smyp - 24/12/2015 17:34 - Lithuania

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

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By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

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By Bruja5 - 7/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

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By take a fucking seat, gran - 14/12/2013 22:05 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

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By thatguy - 25/6/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

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By ishoweredincorpsewater - 6/4/2018 19:00

Today, our hot water tank got replaced because all our hot water had been smelling old and musty for a month now. There was a dead seagull in the tank. FML

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By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - 9/6/2014 21:45 - France - Toulon

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

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By Kay - 20/10/2016 10:37

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

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By Weightlosshereicome - 8/8/2016 10:06 - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

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Top comments

By 3mi1y_ | 16

#6014974 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

I actually just cringed

By mentallizzard | 19

#6014972 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

what a terrible mistake

COMMENTS

By mentallizzard | 19

#6014972 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

what a terrible mistake

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#6015055 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:52

Yeah, talk about your ratatouille.

ber4fun | 23

#6015206 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 12:36

It's karma for using a mousetrap instead of the less lethal traps.

PeopleLikeGrapes | 12

#6015231 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 13:31

Get over it #57, you can't put poison everywhere.

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6015240 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 13:47

#57- Also, if you're talking about using the sticky traps instead, those are horrible and cruel. Mousetraps get the job done much quicker and painlessly; sticky traps leave the animal terrified and unable to move while they slowly starve to death, and some (not all) poisons are dangerous to animals who eat the mouse after it has injested the poison.

reneetlovesyou | 30

#6015453 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 18:15

Not to mention the fact that you shouldn't put poison on your stove.

By noahf0108 | 5

#6014973 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

Damn that sucks OP, hope you don't get sick!

Ian7890 | 23

#6015355 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 16:19

This is one of the nastiest fml's I have heard

thatADHDdude | 21

#6016551 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:59

This one is definitely up there but go to "best of all time" and you will be disgusted

By 3mi1y_ | 16

#6014974 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:50

I actually just cringed

LibertyLife20 | 20

#6015000 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:03

So did I!

OhWhoCares | 42

#6015034 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:27

My first reaction was to cringe. I can't imagine what that must've tasted like. Don't mice have fur? Or hair of some kind? o_O

brandoneyez1 | 25

#6015266 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:52

I think everyone who read this cringed.

mete_orito | 34

#6015279 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:26

Never eat while reading FML.... never eat while reading FML.... I have to remember that!

Queenie2014 | 11

#6015646 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 22:26

Yeah. I wasn't even eating and I just threw-up a little.

NzaHaFML | 13

#6015862 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 3:05

I legitimately gagged.

By ostfaiz | 18

#6014975 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:51

yaaaks..you need an acidic mouthwash now plus FYL

martialart1st18 | 19

#6015082 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:28

I would want the top layer of the skin in my mouth to be completely gone!

junkman6 | 22

#6015267 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:56

Gargle with bleach. Obviously the only solution.

Taink3765 | 6

#6015611 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 22:05

@38 Eat a hot pocket

By DARKDAY07 | 16

#6014976 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:51

ohhh snap time for the listerine and seriously who puts ydi on this.....

10splayer | 5

#6015026 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:23

haha, does anyone ever really deserve to have crusty rat blood in their mouth?

badluckalex | 23

#6015078 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:21

sometimes people put ydi on accident, but there are some trolls

junkman6 | 22

#6015268 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 14:57

Doing something completely idiotic to yourself... Yeah you deserved it for being completely idiotic. I mean everyone's done stupid things to themselves and we all know deep down we deserved the results.

1two3four5six | 23

#6015471 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 18:35

What, you've never made a mistake out of habit, #69?

junkman6 | 22

#6015751 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 0:32

Umm yeah I have, I even said I had. You know the part where I said "we've all done stupid stuff to ourselves" .... But I still deserved it for being an idiot.

To get philosophical on ya. If you can't admit you deserved it for being an idiot you'll probably stay an idiot.

AninOnin | 24

#6015801 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 1:32

I put YDI just because it should be common sense not to put a mouse trap on counter space or on your stove. Seriously, who wants a dead rodent where you prepare food?