Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started... - FML

By Laura - 20/03/2012 22:27 - United Kingdom - Girvan

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 3 675

Sorry…

Keep up!

Nice place

By Savviecat97 - 25/07/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 171

By In Pain - 11/01/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 627

Puppy love

By Hotmama - 30/01/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 082

You deserved it 623

By foxytheologian - 15/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 345

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 156

You deserved it 11 943

By andy1r - 07/10/2011 06:41 - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 633

You deserved it 2 703

By ohhhman - 10/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 666

You deserved it 58 066

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 18:12 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 081

You deserved it 1 640

By 205 - 13/11/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 688

You deserved it 2 141

By Unteachable - 08/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 210

You deserved it 780

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 242

By Zack - 11/03/2009 18:57 - Israel

Spicy

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 130

You deserved it 96 892

So selfish

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 104

By earlytermination - 06/09/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 973

You deserved it 2 430

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 185

You deserved it 6 355

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 3 467

By jwz - 16/02/2009 15:25 - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 402

You deserved it 80 001

By soso - 13/05/2012 21:26 - Sweden - Bor

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 418

You deserved it 3 043

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 302

Renegade neighbor

By Fuck you, Yolanda! - 19/10/2021 22:00

Today, I have an egregious delinquent neighbor. She is always using internet and electrical services illegally, but is always getting packages from Amazon. Her packages are always left at my place, as she is so afraid of tax collectors, she won't open the door. She gave my billing address without my consent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 295

Rough school

By strayking - 24/05/2021 17:01

Today, my daughter admitted that she doesn’t have any friends at her elementary school. When I asked her why, she said it was because whenever she talks to any of the other kids, she gets punched in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 864

You deserved it 2 596

By Jrex89 - 02/06/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 3 162

By noeducation - 27/08/2009 09:16 - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 293

You deserved it 3 012

By Mary - 10/07/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 254

You deserved it 6 785

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 326

You deserved it 3 068

By anonymous - 01/10/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 681

You deserved it 3 000

By haveahappyperiod - 04/10/2013 09:39

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 020

You deserved it 4 709

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 764

You deserved it 2 119

By Cammy - 29/04/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 313

You deserved it 63 232

Smash face

By Tori - 29/10/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I remembered to show some customers at work photos of my cat that I had taken recently, and they love my "flat face" cat. All good, until I scrolled to a whole body nude I had taken to send to my boyfriend. I showed it to an entire family during my breakfast rush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 587

By gjh - 19/01/2009 03:20 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 775

You deserved it 13 307

Greased Lightning

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 16:07

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 189

By MessyMal - 25/12/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 363

You deserved it 9 338

By justwantingtohelp - 16/08/2013 05:02 - United States - Highland

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 522

You deserved it 3 408

The Rupture

By oofouchmyvagooter - 06/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 181

By tahneee - 31/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 209

By Momlovesme - 08/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 151

You deserved it 17 422

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 04:36 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 923

You deserved it 4 333

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Top comments

xkonstantine125x 7

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:41

i wouldve kicked him in the nuts.

Mizuy 7

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:41

Hate it when that happens...

Comments

Mizuy 7

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:41

Hate it when that happens...

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:14

Aw, he was just trying to tell you that he had to go out. Haven't you ever had a dog before?

beccaishereyay 11

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:18

If I had a nickel...

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 12:45

23, you could probably get a job doing this that will make you more than a nickel each time.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 14:45

How can op be sure it wasn't semen?

HeyMondayAddict 4

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 15:53

You must produce a lot of semen if you can practically ejaculate ALL over a person's leg.

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 3:02

You should make the face jennamarbles does!

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 7 November 2013 1:05

I love when that happens! You know, minus the whole guy part haha. Last summer at a Brand New/MGMT show I had this cute little Indian girl grinding all over my ass. Haha, she'd just giggle when I'd turn around. Usually I go to more metal shows so it's definitely a nice change having a cutie rubbing up on me than getting clocked in the face by some huge mother fucker. But I can attest, there are some seriously grimy dudes at concerts. It's a very sad fact.. Fuckers make us all look like horned up freaks who feel the need to grab every boob and ass around. Fuck you, weird concert guys, fuck you very much.

xkonstantine125x 7

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:41

i wouldve kicked him in the nuts.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:59

And punched him in the face. That is disgusting! D:

iamyummylicious 14

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:24

I feel like a good swat to the nose with a newspaper and then sticking his nose in it would suffice.

LMA0 5

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:50

Don't be so pissy. :p

iiDangerCloseBK 6

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 12:58

This is the one and only time kicking a guy in the nuts would be acceptable.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 13:37

34- Wrong place, wrong time. Not funny.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:42

Was he drunk? Because that would make the pee smell extra bad... Pissy alcohol... Mmmmm what a smell ...

kooochris1995 14

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 14:00

So you smell your pee, than compare it to the other smells and repeat it at different occasions?

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 21:41

Actually when you pee while drunk it is mostly water. Therefore would probably not smell as bad as it would compared to the morning piss.

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Thursday 22 March 2012 2:01

Thank you piss expert

perdix 29

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:44

You wish it was piss...

LMA0 5

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:47

Haha what was it?

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 11:37

I don't know! What other fluid comes out of a penis?

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 12:33

bad maynaise

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 22:58

Blood, acid, or maybe, milk?

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:45

Lmao disgusting

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:49

Should have pissed back on him to get even

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:09

That deserves to be punched in the happy sack. That's just downright rude and disgusting.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:16

That is very gross. I've always been just slightly jealous that us girls can't pee standing up or aim it. Even so, this wouldn't be one of those times. I'd be more focused on teaching that pervert a lesson. >:|

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 12:43

One word. She-wee.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 19:58

Just pretend dude is a fire hydrant.

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Saturday 24 March 2012 2:46

well, in order to pee on him, she would have to also whip out her pussy, which is inviting him to an unwanted welcome

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:59

I think he'd like that...

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:49

Pics or it didn't happen.

AwkwardHaole808 16

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:50

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:54

Wow I'd be pissed.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 9:00

Horatio approves this comment.

hazelsun41311 0

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 16:04

I see what you did there.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 18:33

I see what you did there...

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 20:23

PUN INTENDED LMAO

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Friday 30 March 2012 4:57

Better be pissed off than pissed on.

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Wednesday 21 March 2012 8:57

Pics or it didn't happen.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 39

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 25