Miscellaneous: Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show...

By skyhawk13 - 30/10/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 127

You deserved it 53 910

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Same thing different taste

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 516

You deserved it 6 376

Nice try

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 21:00 - Philippines

Today, I got drunk until morning at a college friend's apartment with bunch of strangers. Some officials came in due to the noise and I tried to scare them away by pretending to sing a latin song of worship I made up, thinking they'd respect the gathering if it was a religious one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 460

Costume parties are the worst

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 563

You deserved it 57 484

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 723

You deserved it 5 245

By lifesucks - 24/02/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 963

You deserved it 50 278

By cagel - 13/12/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 794

You deserved it 2 776

By obsceene - 18/10/2010 10:49 - United States

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 103

You deserved it 8 377

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 263

The next day hangover

By CantHandleAlcohol - 17/05/2022 18:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, I got drunk enough to do cartwheels at a company party. In a dress. I work in HR, can’t land a cartwheel, or handle my alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 366

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Danby

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 599

You deserved it 2 728

redbluegreen 40

Friday 30 October 2009 12:06

Probably the Horny Hornets.

pawpaw_fml 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:04

What's your school mascot?

Comments

pawpaw_fml 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:04

What's your school mascot?

redbluegreen 40

Friday 30 October 2009 12:06

Probably the Horny Hornets.

thegreenfairy 0

Friday 30 October 2009 18:53

skyhawks

kevick93 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 17:01

lucky hawk

GiddyXD 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:10

lmao #2

iValerest 6

Monday 7 June 2010 5:10

Lol

itsnikki 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:09

Did you win?

B4SK3TB4IL 0

Monday 27 September 2010 2:09

good one 2

omgcookeys 15

Saturday 29 October 2011 6:45

A beaver?

addiizcherry 0

Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:29

Sexy seal?

ajscw 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:06

Lmfao!!!!!! Lol op tht sux for u

staffer 0

Saturday 31 October 2009 3:23

I want a YTM option added for you the man, thats f'n hilarious. I hope someone got it on video and its on you tube right now,

jchansfan 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:10

Did the mascot enjoy it or are you looking at a restraining order? :P

wellinever 5

Friday 30 October 2009 12:10

You win at Midnight Madness. Is that a good thing? Is that mascot talking to you today?

aback 4

Friday 30 October 2009 22:42

Worse. The mascot won't stop following him around.

wtfismyfml 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:20

yeah school spirit FTW

Superawesomestev 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:23

happy ending?

PimpMyFML 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:24

You must've won then. If not, there's always next year, give him the reverse cowgirl.

jchansfan 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:27

I hope your mascot was a goat or pig or something. You would look so hilarious.

Acid80 3

Friday 30 October 2009 12:34

Epic Win!

Chasted 0

Friday 30 October 2009 12:41

I hope you won...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized I’ve been saying “a whole nother” instead of “a whole other” my entire life. It wasn’t until my friend pointed it out with a smirk I’ve been speaking in an alternate universe. He was also the one to point out last year that my use of "like" every three words was "annoying and cringe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 426

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 266

The Top

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 2 986

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 712

You deserved it 87 027

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 161

You deserved it 3 616

Today, I thought it would be a nice idea to take some flowers and candy to a friend whose cat had just passed away. As I was leaving, I ran over her other cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 347

You deserved it 1 883

Today, while my eyes are closed in the shower, I asked my son to hand me the shampoo. He gave me his mother’s hair removal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 69

Today, I explained to my husband how much it bothers me when he constantly talks about one of his coworkers. He listened closely, never interrupted me, and seemed genuinely sorry afterwards. While he was consoling me and telling me that he'll stop, he called me by her name… three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 61

Same thing different taste

Nice try

Costume parties are the worst

Party hard

The next day hangover

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