Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette... - FML

By AIienware - 30/6/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

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Whatthefuckaburger

Delayed proposal

Hello everyone!

By jessiethebestie - 5/5/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

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By hoo flung pu - 3/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

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By Rayvyn - 21/10/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

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By nomegusta - 5/1/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

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By Joel - 2/9/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By MissArizona - 8/8/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

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By gimmeabreak0_o - 18/6/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 04:00 - United States

Red Sox Nation

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

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By sadparty - 6/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

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By Ginger - 8/7/2017 16:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

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By marriedtoaretard - 19/2/2012 22:45 - United States

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

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By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

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By Paul Rushing - 19/3/2020 15:00

Panic buying? What panic buying?

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

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By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2011 09:52 - India

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

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By littlefinger - 11/3/2014 16:11 - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

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By Crud - 6/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

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By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

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By TJFuentes - 11/2/2015 13:39 - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

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By dear god why - 26/5/2014 20:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

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By useyourownbed - 18/9/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

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By fatmom - 10/4/2013 13:26 - United Kingdom - Royal Tunbridge Wells

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

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By Lolrus - 28/3/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

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By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

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By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/4/2020 20:00

Lava lamp

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 23:08

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

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By Marcowalker95 - 7/8/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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By ihatemyparents - 22/1/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

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By 3some? uh, no - 1/2/2013 19:59 - Dominican Republic

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

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By zbaby - 23/5/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 10:30 - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

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By Sadfaic - 23/1/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

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Top comments

By Cads1 | 24

#6336752 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

By buckstop1 | 37

#6336726 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

COMMENTS

By CoGhostRider | 31

#6336715 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

Looks like you fumbled this job big time.

Reply

dewberry2001 | 25

#6336754 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:43

Go home

By jadelagrue | 14

#6336716 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

oh no thats horrible maybe talk with your boss and see if theres another option at all?

By Quetzal27 | 12

#6336725 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

Thats sounds awful, since anything that looks realistic like that would cause anyone (including your boss) to be surprised. Sucks that you dropped and broke it. See if you can offer to pay half, you boss may be somewhat reasonable if you offer. Sorry that happened.

By buckstop1 | 37

#6336726 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

Reply

IthinkYouForeign | 11

#6337356 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 20:31

Why? He broke it he pays for it

By rockninja | 21

#6336729 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:24

well... if i was the woman i surely have said that it was real just for a laugh.

By Dartual | 8

#6336732 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:26

That would still worry me if it were fake...

By Psycocharger | 19

#6336748 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:38

Ouch. Sorry for you OP! FYL

By NakuEh | 27

#6336751 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:40

Why would someone keep something like that in their car? That is a FML involving cops having the same misunderstanding waiting to unfold.

By Cads1 | 24

#6336752 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

Reply

JackAtPage | 13

#6336756 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:44

How is this not top comment?

Reply

TheCookieComet | 23

#6336778 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:04

Top comment is the one who posts first....

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6336812 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 2:32

Oh boy... you came from iFunny, didn't you.

Reply

vreddyp | 10

#6337182 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 15:30

love this. intra app references.

By BananaCoconutty | 24

#6336757 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:45

I OVERHEARD A FATHER YELLING AT HIS TODDLER WHO REFUSED TO SIT STILL IN THE SHOPPING CART “IF YOU FALL DOWN AND BREAK YOUR FOOT DON’T COME RUNNING TO ME."

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6336792 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:33

WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Reply

xluciferx666 | 21

#6336795 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:37

LOUD NOISES!!!!!

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6336867 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 4:41

I AM YELLING ALSO

Reply

Hildy93 | 21

#6336920 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 6:27

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Reply

Rented_eyebrows | 18

#6336949 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 7:09

Am I the only one not yelling?

Reply

RockstarJAy | 16

#6336987 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:24

YES

Reply

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6336996 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:47

HOW IS THIS RELEVANT?