Work: Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette... - FML

By AIienware

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

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Pleased to meet you

Creepy idea, dude

Management

By fuck - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:02

Denied

Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML

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By counselor - United States

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 16:58

The virus claims another victim

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

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By Loveless - United States

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

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By god - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

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By stuff2710 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

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By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

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By Monroe - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

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By Amazon Ruined My Life

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

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By fatty - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

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By sadman - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

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By serenti - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

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By SmallAngel - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

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By nickcedola40 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

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By toughbf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

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By tryfailtryget11 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

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By madbirthdaymomma - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

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By Mr Hawks - France

Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

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By Mel - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

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By jj4320 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

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By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

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By Bullet dodged - 20/2/2021 00:59 - United Kingdom

Get out while you still can

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

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By a7xforever - United Kingdom

Get out

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

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By themonkeyman - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

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By Sophie - United Kingdom

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

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By ReallyBro - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

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By 2in longer - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

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By notcool - United States

Today, I finished part of a project. When I asked my coworkers what they thought, they said they liked one of the few things that had already been implemented almost a year ago. Thanks for noticing. FML

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By snowman - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By Dizzie Rascal - United Kingdom

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

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By Avery - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 23:01

Private Catholic school?

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

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Top comments

By Cads1 | 24

#6336752 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

By buckstop1 | 37

#6336726 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

COMMENTS

By CoGhostRider | 31

#6336715 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

Looks like you fumbled this job big time.

Reply

dewberry2001 | 25

#6336754 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:43

Go home

By jadelagrue | 14

#6336716 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

oh no thats horrible maybe talk with your boss and see if theres another option at all?

By Quetzal27 | 12

#6336725 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

Thats sounds awful, since anything that looks realistic like that would cause anyone (including your boss) to be surprised. Sucks that you dropped and broke it. See if you can offer to pay half, you boss may be somewhat reasonable if you offer. Sorry that happened.

By buckstop1 | 37

#6336726 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

Reply

IthinkYouForeign | 11

#6337356 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 20:31

Why? He broke it he pays for it

By rockninja | 21

#6336729 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:24

well... if i was the woman i surely have said that it was real just for a laugh.

By Dartual | 8

#6336732 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:26

That would still worry me if it were fake...

By Psycocharger | 19

#6336748 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:38

Ouch. Sorry for you OP! FYL

By NakuEh | 27

#6336751 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:40

Why would someone keep something like that in their car? That is a FML involving cops having the same misunderstanding waiting to unfold.

By Cads1 | 24

#6336752 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

Reply

JackAtPage | 13

#6336756 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:44

How is this not top comment?

Reply

TheCookieComet | 23

#6336778 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:04

Top comment is the one who posts first....

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6336812 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 2:32

Oh boy... you came from iFunny, didn't you.

Reply

vreddyp | 10

#6337182 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 15:30

love this. intra app references.

By BananaCoconutty | 24

#6336757 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:45

I OVERHEARD A FATHER YELLING AT HIS TODDLER WHO REFUSED TO SIT STILL IN THE SHOPPING CART “IF YOU FALL DOWN AND BREAK YOUR FOOT DON’T COME RUNNING TO ME."

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6336792 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:33

WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Reply

xluciferx666 | 21

#6336795 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:37

LOUD NOISES!!!!!

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6336867 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 4:41

I AM YELLING ALSO

Reply

Hildy93 | 21

#6336920 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 6:27

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Reply

Rented_eyebrows | 18

#6336949 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 7:09

Am I the only one not yelling?

Reply

RockstarJAy | 16

#6336987 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:24

YES

Reply

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6336996 - Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:47

HOW IS THIS RELEVANT?