Work: Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 1 483

30/06/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 501

You deserved it 6 073

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

17/03/2010 01:34

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 335

18/11/2008 07:36

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 903

You deserved it 9 377

16/06/2010 14:42

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 997

You deserved it 19 180

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 3 382

12/03/2013 05:19

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 536

You deserved it 4 114

04/11/2015 18:26

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 3 639

29/03/2016 19:44

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 954

You deserved it 2 653

15/05/2016 22:25

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 535

You deserved it 1 332

05/02/2010 21:18

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 789

You deserved it 4 999

28/05/2016 22:10

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 938

You deserved it 1 807

25/07/2013 04:44

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 107

You deserved it 4 986

12/07/2016 20:08

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 220

You deserved it 3 717

Catboys rise up

By CatWoman - 11/02/2010 05:33

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 39 096

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 1 988

07/03/2010 05:41

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 962

You deserved it 39 239

01/03/2017 18:00

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 786

21/09/2009 17:16

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 711

You deserved it 2 706

12/09/2016 15:52

Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 195

You deserved it 769

06/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 382

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 610

You deserved it 82 865

17/03/2012 22:26

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 2 045

Shot

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 20:13

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 012

You deserved it 29 536

16/07/2009 06:15

Spicy

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 491

You deserved it 74 078

Scammed

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 17:01

Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 904

21/04/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 613

You deserved it 528

07/01/2011 05:46

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 25 761

02/05/2012 22:41

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 998

You deserved it 2 454

05/02/2012 00:35

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 3 180

21/12/2008 05:04

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 850

You deserved it 2 516

Potholes

By Yudith - 16/10/2019 00:01

Today, I ran to catch the night bus which passes every hour, when it unexpectedly passed its stop and turned right. I ran faster, only to trip on a roadwork sign and scrape both knees on the half-rebuilt road, ruining my new yoga pants in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 280

10/02/2011 20:06

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 306

You deserved it 12 661

06/04/2012 14:24

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 546

You deserved it 7 179

Epic Boss Battle

By Anon - 04/01/2018 15:00

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 287

You deserved it 781

Bizarre Love Triangle

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was told by my boyfriend and best friend that they have feelings for each other. I also just found I was pregnant. We have 16 months left of our 18 month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 118

29/04/2009 04:52

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 097

You deserved it 11 647

24/03/2019 22:00

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their brand new mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiped a mini-van I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 155

09/11/2016 20:54

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 861

You deserved it 886

Gender bending

By Anonymous - 03/09/2021 16:59

Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 160

28/01/2009 15:12

Spicy

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 270

You deserved it 4 049

17/01/2012 05:05

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 6 431

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Cads1 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

Comments

CoGhostRider 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

Looks like you fumbled this job big time.

dewberry2001 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:43

Go home

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:19

oh no thats horrible maybe talk with your boss and see if theres another option at all?

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

Thats sounds awful, since anything that looks realistic like that would cause anyone (including your boss) to be surprised. Sucks that you dropped and broke it. See if you can offer to pay half, you boss may be somewhat reasonable if you offer. Sorry that happened.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:22

That toetally sucks that you have to pay for it.

IthinkYouForeign 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 20:31

Why? He broke it he pays for it

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:24

well... if i was the woman i surely have said that it was real just for a laugh.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:26

That would still worry me if it were fake...

Psycocharger 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:38

Ouch. Sorry for you OP! FYL

NakuEh 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:40

Why would someone keep something like that in their car? That is a FML involving cops having the same misunderstanding waiting to unfold.

Cads1 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:41

You should not have to foot the bill on that.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:44

How is this not top comment?

TheCookieComet 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:04

Top comment is the one who posts first....

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 2:32

Oh boy... you came from iFunny, didn't you.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 15:30

love this. intra app references.

BananaCoconutty 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:45

I OVERHEARD A FATHER YELLING AT HIS TODDLER WHO REFUSED TO SIT STILL IN THE SHOPPING CART “IF YOU FALL DOWN AND BREAK YOUR FOOT DON’T COME RUNNING TO ME."

domolovesyoshi 33

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:33

WHY ARE WE YELLING?

xluciferx666 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 1:37

LOUD NOISES!!!!!

Lalala579121 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 4:41

I AM YELLING ALSO

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 6:27

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Rented_eyebrows 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 7:09

Am I the only one not yelling?

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:24

YES

KobeLebroJordan 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 9:47

HOW IS THIS RELEVANT?