Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML
Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML
Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML
Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML
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Top comments
Huey_Freeman 4
Maybe they're watching too many pornos and expect you to deliver an extra large "sausage" pizza...
gc327072 31
It's not delivery, it's a porno.
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Comments (211)
VooDooCarrie91 19
I bet she hid your tip money in her cleavage and asked you to fish it out.
l0v3p4in 7
I'm picturing the girl whose boyfriend had to move her fat rolls out of the way just to enter her. *Shudder*
sharksfan48 13
No man should go through that pain.
jadedtiger 4
Or woman eeeeek
skyeyez9 25
Free range, naked, obese zitty girls. Gah!
Pandacupcakelove 26
They open the door naked!? WTF is wrong with people... Gosh!
SmittyJA24 26
What's sad: you had to see this ... & you weren't at WalMart.
walmartpaysme 15
Yeah... Because people walk around Wal-mart naked all the time?
mcinnesandrew 6
Have you ever been to a WalMart?
walmartpaysme 15
86, if you were talking to me, you're a moron.
Silent_Thrill 17
It's great how people come to a comedy website and can't understand that people are making jokes.
walmartpaysme 15
Sometimes people understand that a joke was being attempted. They just don't see how it's funny.
Manj3rico 3
Look... The next time it happens just make fun of the whole situation, but not at her directly, so she doesn't complain to your manager. Use a line like "Hey, I just had a weird déjà-vu..." If she asks, just make up a funny story about you and (imply that she's smokin' hot) your girlfriend, or on how you met these models/cheerleaders/hot babes while delivering and you remained friends. Make her feel interested in the whole thing/you and ditch her like a rotten apple. But always be polite.
downtime 13
...Wait, what? Try to KEEP the pervert sexually harassing you as a customer? Right...maybe you should sit this one out, champ.
KJ21_fml 6
Haha wow story of my life
agonydrum 7
Op I literally just got out of the gym and reading this made me throw up, seriously FYL
RubyRae 2
Stop complaining, ass hole. Fatties deserve pizza too. And maybe the dominoes pizza tracker wasn't working so she just didn't know when to put on pants.
julieanne719 0
Simple solution, put on pants when the door bell rings, or like a normal human being put on clothes of you know someone will be at your door soon.
gracehi 33
"Yet ANOTHER naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne?" How many 200 pound girls with body acne order pizza from your store and answer the door naked?
RubyRae 2
That's what I was thinking.
walmartpaysme 15
This is what happens when fat girls are encouraged to accept their bodies. There is a very small amount of men looking for BBW's and body acne means you don't fall under the BBW category. On another note, OP must be hot if girls are opening the door naked. They want you, OP.
walmartpaysme 15
Congrats, FML commenters. You guy aren't as shallow as I thought you would be.