Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML
Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML
Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML
Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML
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Top comments
Huey_Freeman 4
Maybe they're watching too many pornos and expect you to deliver an extra large "sausage" pizza...
gc327072 31
It's not delivery, it's a porno.
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Comments (211)
Fisheyedfool7 2
Where the hell are you delivering pizzas?? I'd like to stay far far away!!!
roxasfightshard 0
I'm with you
noisebox 1
And they're eating lots of pizza!
Steffi 26
Why are so many of them naked?!
olpally 33
I love pizza... Or I used to, until I read this FML... *shudders* oh the horror!! D:
severe_fml 3
She's not actually naked. Her undies are hidden under her fat rolls.
Inciter 33
I guess she wanted to act out her pizza boy fantasy.
laura_outlaw 4
I weigh 200 lbs. come over tonight? LOL JK
gracehi 33
First comment? Congratulations! But FYI, no need to put things like lol or jk around here. MOST people know when you're joking on this site, and the ones that don't are funny when they rant.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Actually, it's the 56th comment...
924halle 8
They meant first comment as in the first comment that the user posted on fml, not first comment on this post
walmartpaysme 15
61, half the people on here can't recognize a joke. Lots of people seem to think this is an advice blog.
BossBorne 1
You can write that down in the "notes" section
gracehi 33
NOTE: Fat and hideous with severe body acne. Answers door naked. Avert eyes when door opens.
momo1972 3
Did you hit it? Lololololol
FmyLerrday 8
Haha this is hilarious i cant believe they would actually answer the door naked.