Miscellaneous: Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school....

By Kitty_Gem - United States

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60089

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Miscellaneous

All in the family

Mom of the year

Medicare for all, please

By aragmir - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5643

You deserved it

2807

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By Anonymous

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29749

You deserved it

1647

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By mylovelifeisanepicfail - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34656

You deserved it

3864

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By blondieforlife - United States - Racine

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31420

You deserved it

3565

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By poked - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63788

You deserved it

4122

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By Jules - 29/10/2020 02:03 - Germany - Aachen

Modernity

Today, my health insurance has finally gone digital, so I sent them a message through their webpage, asking a question. I then got an email, telling me they'd replied. I had to log into their webpage again to see the reply, which read, "A letter concerning your question has been sent to you by post." FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

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By FedExMan - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41607

You deserved it

2585

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By sarahrachel - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24934

You deserved it

5013

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By disasterbutton - United States

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41674

You deserved it

2990

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By dempasi - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14534

You deserved it

2493

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By ScienceFail - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29969

You deserved it

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By konichiwa - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11779

You deserved it

34452

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By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28037

You deserved it

2502

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By Naomi - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55434

You deserved it

4883

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56619

You deserved it

3714

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By college student - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26719

You deserved it

9005

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1701

You deserved it

126

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By Locked Out - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41653

You deserved it

3527

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By alo1434 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43490

You deserved it

3303

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By effingdoucher - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37657

You deserved it

10960

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By roomingwithevil - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29633

You deserved it

2049

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By emselin - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28588

You deserved it

4982

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By Juliett - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Good question

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

266

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By mmmretail - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47868

You deserved it

3276

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By bleeding - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28183

You deserved it

6563

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43729

You deserved it

4206

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By jokersgirl

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2104

You deserved it

786

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By jjgirl - 1/11/2020 05:02

Weight Watchers

Today, I proudly announced to my mother that I would cut down on sugar. Without missing a beat, her response was, “Out. You need to cut it out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

697

You deserved it

283

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By Anonymous

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3827

You deserved it

472

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By wah wah "you raised him" - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41676

You deserved it

5242

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By tasian14 - 1/1/2021 17:01

Here's to a better year

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years decided on New Year's Eve to get on his knees and tell me that he cheated on me with his ex, and they're getting back together. Yay last day of 2020! FML

I agree, your life sucks

1120

You deserved it

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By jostertoaster12 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30132

You deserved it

2391

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By Bad Teacher - Australia - West End

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43649

You deserved it

3266

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By ConfusedFiancé

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4148

You deserved it

804

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By toomuch - Australia

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

You deserved it

12834

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By aliciababy24 - Australia - Ashburton

A Poopy Proposal

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4233

You deserved it

537

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By little nokken - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3729

You deserved it

460

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By cjgreer70 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42267

You deserved it

4626

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22789

You deserved it

2317

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35150

You deserved it

9109

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Top comments

By 24788 | 6

#520086 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:13

Don't listen to her... You are your own person. Is she going to pay all your bills & expenses?

By where_i_stood | 0

#520089 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:14

Don't quit.
It's your life.

COMMENTS

By silverwolfe2121 | 0

#520077 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:12

Ahahaha that sucks. FYL.

Edit: First? Wow :D

lol123mely | 0

#520211 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:49

heres your prize, *cookie*

Marakara | 0

#520288 - Friday 28 August 2009 0:16

"Im doing so well in school the only bad part is that my mom thinks I'm -too- successful. MLIG"

djb23 | 0

#520850 - Friday 28 August 2009 3:57

shit that sounds just like cinderella..

InfamousRaider | 15

#5525621 - Saturday 8 June 2013 5:39

Who cares if your first

By DanizzleXFoSho | 6

#520078 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:12

That's fail..

slasher29 | 0

#520318 - Friday 28 August 2009 0:26

yes, but that reminds me of cinderalla

screwtaylor | 0

#520352 - Friday 28 August 2009 0:39

#44 Thanks for copying what I said in my comment.

;)

VampiressMiharu | 0

#532541 - Tuesday 1 September 2009 23:36

Oooooh! Somebody copied your comment because this FML really is reminiscent of Cinderella's story and yours was so ha-ha-hilarious. It's copyright infringement!

Bitch, please.

screelov | 0

#1242310 - Sunday 15 August 2010 1:16

woah. calm the fuck down.

By Zombierella | 2

#520080 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:13

Thats a lame excuse
|:

By whoaelena | 0

#520084 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:13

FAIL!

wow...Mommy Dearest sucks there!

By 24788 | 6

#520086 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:13

Don't listen to her... You are your own person. Is she going to pay all your bills & expenses?

By where_i_stood | 0

#520089 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:14

Don't quit.
It's your life.

By where_i_stood | 0

#520090 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:14

Don't quit.
It's your life.

By screeewed | 0

#520094 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:14

http://mylifeisscrewed.com/

By screwtaylor | 0

#520095 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:14

I think the OP is Cinderella.. but she just doesn't want us to know.

By rick_james_b17ch | 0

#520100 - Thursday 27 August 2009 23:15

FAIL!!