Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer"... - FML

By fuckdubstep51 - 21/7/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24530

You deserved it

1762

Tweet

Share

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

Hello everyone!

By justfat - 12/3/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68613

You deserved it

15569

Tweet

Share

By HouseWife - 21/5/2014 02:24 - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50216

You deserved it

6903

Tweet

Share

By Ryan - 18/12/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33412

You deserved it

10870

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2011 13:04 - United States

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63909

You deserved it

4172

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 06:06 - United States

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18567

You deserved it

43989

Tweet

Share

By mdp624 - 16/8/2012 12:10 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28613

You deserved it

1550

Tweet

Share

By sam - 2/5/2010 00:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11233

You deserved it

47313

Tweet

Share

By Nicks - 3/7/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74144

You deserved it

4784

Tweet

Share

By linn - 27/9/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41927

You deserved it

3155

Tweet

Share

By gracie511 - 29/1/2019 12:00

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2463

You deserved it

482

Tweet

Share

By scarlet - 9/5/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37782

You deserved it

3393

Tweet

Share

By claudio117 - 8/4/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40617

You deserved it

2786

Tweet

Share

By HereKittyKitty - 1/12/2013 20:27 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42763

You deserved it

2848

Tweet

Share

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/8/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2652

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By donotbelieveinsecondchances - 2/3/2015 14:04 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39817

You deserved it

4407

Tweet

Share

By gfg - 16/3/2009 18:48 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

173227

You deserved it

24494

Tweet

Share

By BadBribe - 24/6/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52916

You deserved it

30018

Tweet

Share

By FourKnees - 15/5/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43257

You deserved it

4199

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 20:30

Today, I was watching my 2-year-old sister in the bathtub. As she was splashing, she stopped, and pointed at the "owie" on my head. I told her it was okay, and that it was just a pimple. She said, "Wow, you have a lot of pimples!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3061

You deserved it

335

Tweet

Share

By spiderlady - 21/9/2015 03:00 - United States

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24879

You deserved it

2152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

4328

Tweet

Share

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/6/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45861

You deserved it

4893

Tweet

Share

By JenniWearsPrada - 20/4/2011 08:27

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16897

You deserved it

26177

Tweet

Share

By Kiki - 23/6/2016 23:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that my brother buys audiobooks only to play them on "mute" so that he can tell everyone that he read them later and flaunt the proof. The rest of my family think he is a genius for reading War and Peace in two days and won't listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12843

You deserved it

1080

Tweet

Share

By anon - 12/12/2014 01:43 - United States - Commack

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47250

You deserved it

2792

Tweet

Share

By LaughingFML - 1/6/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8818

You deserved it

1105

Tweet

Share

By Sad - 28/4/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

217657

You deserved it

15260

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32381

You deserved it

13178

Tweet

Share

By LittleRed79 - 3/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11778

You deserved it

1008

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 20/3/2012 22:33 - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28234

You deserved it

3982

Tweet

Share

By Muina - 23/10/2015 11:08 - Morocco - Mekn?s

Today, I got mugged for my phone. I stupidly offered to give the guy my money if he'd let me keep my phone. He took both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14081

You deserved it

23955

Tweet

Share

By sydsophnova - 2/7/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44995

You deserved it

9354

Tweet

Share

By -___- - 14/9/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50494

You deserved it

5603

Tweet

Share

By Ashley - 7/9/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31422

You deserved it

25162

Tweet

Share

By 20month dry spell - 27/9/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4600

You deserved it

1324

Tweet

Share

By Stressed - 24/9/2018 22:00

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2007

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By Kath - 8/2/2009 13:55 - Poland

Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37417

You deserved it

15422

Tweet

Share

By InDebt - 4/2/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22349

You deserved it

1938

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59588

You deserved it

4454

Tweet

Share

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 2/6/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61242

You deserved it

6591

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JustKittyKat | 24

#4718115 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

What a prick!
1. For saying you did it.
2. For writing that.
You give that fat bitch all the samples she wants. :)
(I am obviously kidding when calling her that)

By MDM15 | 5

#4718119 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

Just keep giving her free samples...that'll show your boss!

COMMENTS

By JustKittyKat | 24

#4718115 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

What a prick!
1. For saying you did it.
2. For writing that.
You give that fat bitch all the samples she wants. :)
(I am obviously kidding when calling her that)

Reply

DreBeezy | 9

#4718172 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:19

Wow, your boss is a real immature dumbass. It's not right that you have to work under such a douche.

Reply

scarface90 | 8

#4718221 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:27

Go to his boss (assuming he has a boss) and explain the whole thing...

Reply

Futacy | 29

#4718505 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:45

Your boss is an ass, that "fat bitch" is putting money into your boss's pocket!

Reply

dumboears | 8

#4718514 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:47

By eating FREE samples..?

Reply

Futacy | 29

#4718536 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:55

#41, I guess it depends on whether she comes only to eat the free samples or if she buys stuff and then stuffs her face with samples on the way out.

Reply

_Oblivion_ | 12

#4718548 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:58

Close the lane and walk away like nothing happened. She'll be dumbstruck for years

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#4718617 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:18

Tell her the truth and give her double free samples.

Reply

dubleduke | 11

#6228804 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:03

Remind him. Violently

By MDM15 | 5

#4718119 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

Just keep giving her free samples...that'll show your boss!

By cameronman9 | 2

#4718121 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

Quit.Just.Quit.

Reply

igive | 28

#4718204 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:24

Yes because bills don't exist.

Reply

BunchieRules | 31

#4718363 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:58

16 - And jobs are so easy to find. OP, try to keep your job, even though your boss is an idiot.

Reply

PhishloverA | 14

#4718545 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:58

Yeah, I agree with #16, don't quit and go through all the trouble to get another job. Try getting your boss fired

Reply

tisvana20 | 6

#4718819 - Sunday 22 July 2012 8:07

Secure a new job THEN quit. There is no reason OP should have to put up with that boss.

Besides, with a boss like that, OP will probably get fired eventually.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4719091 - Sunday 22 July 2012 11:40

Ah, retail bosses... what cunts.

By CessOMG | 3

#4718123 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:11

How pathetic of her.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4718324 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:50

The boss or the fat bitch?

Reply

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4718375 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:00

Everyone involved. :)

Reply

CessOMG | 3

#4719026 - Sunday 22 July 2012 10:50

The boss.

By ThePK | 5

#4718124 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:12

At least he only gave you a warning for that...
But perhaps he ONLY gave you a warning because he knows he did it! Hmm.

Reply

DreBeezy | 9

#4718232 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:29

Good sir, I believe this comment is missing a little something: sense.

Reply

PhishloverA | 14

#4718566 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:04

#5, OP shouldn't even have gotten a warning for what his boss did. OP shouldn't have gotten in trouble at all

Reply

k2_silly | 2

#4718574 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:07

I was thinking the same.!!

Reply

alycion | 38

#4718778 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:22

It makes sense. Boss knows he did it. Didn't want to admit it. Needed fall guy so gave op a warning. Now he disciplined someone and can attempt to keep up the illusion that he was innocent.

Reply

nevershoutkendal_fml | 10

#4718803 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:50

The boss is a female.

By katydid95 | 5

#4718126 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:12

I'd quit. Your dignity will be torn to shreds if you stay.

Reply

misspulkadot24 | 17

#4718364 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:58

Never mind you will lose your house, car, and everything else you need money for. Oh well, you can always be a hobo with unshredded dignity.

Reply

plaguer | 26

#4718670 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:32

29, at what point did OP say he had a house, car, or bills to pay? He could be a fifteen year old on his first job for all we know.

Reply

misspulkadot24 | 17

#4718783 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:26

My point was if your boss is an idiot or whatever the case may be, it's best to not just quit, because later in life you will have a house, cars, and bills.

Reply

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#4719200 - Sunday 22 July 2012 12:37

Why on earth will the OPs dignity be "torn to shreds"???

Reply

tisvana20 | 6

#4720471 - Sunday 22 July 2012 20:10

Get a new job THEN quit. The boss is going to get OP fired eventually and OP is in a dead end job anyways.

You wouldn't stay with an emotionally abusive partner because of a house, so why would you do that with a boss?

By ArmouredPenguin | 2

#4718128 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:12

Your boss is a douche, just quit

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4718824 - Sunday 22 July 2012 8:08

And have no job in this economy?
I think not.

Reply

SuaSponte | 1

#4718831 - Sunday 22 July 2012 8:12

Quit? Quitting will get you nowhere in life. Everybody will deal will shitty bosses in their life, you just have to suck it up, not take the easy route and giving up.

By cactasaurus | 7

#4718139 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:13

Why on Earth would someone even say that about a customer or to them? Especially your boss. What an ass..

Reply

JaromStone | 0

#4722348 - Monday 23 July 2012 4:35

Hey how are you doing I saw your profile and you looked pretty chill. Have a few things in common. Was wondering if you wanted to talk?

Reply

JaromStone | 0

#4722367 - Monday 23 July 2012 4:41

Erica how do you send a message? Haha ;)

By greenie213 | 23

#4718140 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:14

If you keep giving her samples, then she'll no longer be a bitch. Food makes them happy.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4718352 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:55

But she'll still be fat...

Reply

greenie213 | 23

#4718361 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:57

Come on. Who doesn't like a jolly fat person?

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4718394 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:05

Ahh, I was being sarcastic. It didn't seem to get through... I don't mind fat, jolly people D:

Reply

TheDragonWarrior | 5

#4718427 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:17

I prefer the term jolly and pleasantly plump.

Reply

greenie213 | 23

#4718438 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:19

Like Santa!

Reply

mduffy08 | 8

#4718726 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:36

*nom nom nom*

Reply

nevershoutkendal_fml | 10

#4718805 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:52

"I gave that bitch a sample. Bitches love samples".

By AznSamoan52 | 10

#4718147 - Sunday 22 July 2012 3:15

Don't worry Op. Your fucktard boss is trying to "mask the pain of guilt." She's trying to put the blame on others to make herself look good to others. I'd say quit the job before she makes gives you a bad rep.

Reply

flutter4 | 7

#4718498 - Sunday 22 July 2012 4:43

Fucktard. Thats pretty funny :)