Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
drimpossible 0
Have you tried, I mean *really* tried being a vampire?
jolar1 0
Maybe she doesn't like Twilight. Maybe she just likes being bitten... Show her just how vampire-like you can be.
_soe_ 0
hahaha FYL.. i mean seriously how effing obsessed can you be
Rawrrr14 0
wow. #108 are you serious? Way to label people. #111, yeah so? people like twilight. Don't hate. And I just LOVE how people are saying "Twilight ruined too many relationships" HAH! yeah okay. Is that your excuse for being a sucky boyfriend/girlfriend people?! lmao.
Rawrrr14 0
#19 I totally agree.
pescemora 0
101: In case you've yet to notice, everyone on here has horrendous grammar and spelling. Including you. I'd double-check your holier-than-thou post *before* you start ripping on Twilight fans for bad grammar. To that end, I'm a Twilight fan. It's easy to read and an interesting storyline. It's also called "fiction," people. If Stephanie Meyer wants to invent a new brand of vampire, don't lose your sh!t over it. Just don't read it. It really is that simple. I'm not saying Twilight is on the level of the classics, (because it is DEFINITELY not that good), but there are pretty good moments of writing among the sappy teen stuff. It was a fun break from finals and everything else. Nothing more. Any girls who take it further than that are nuts. And #53: Jacob Black?! Last I checked forcing yourself on someone with your werewolf-y strength is not that hot either... Geez, kids, get a life and a real boyfriend, (see: not a mythical/fairy tale/horror story creature).
doll_face 0
i'll vouch for twilight. it's a really good book. but people who say shit like that are so ******* retarded. i wonder how many relationships that book has destroyed or prevented.
kitti_ 0
#115, I understand that people like it. But hey, I love Girl, Interrupted... and I don't go around telling my friends that I wish they were in a mental institution.
drimpossible 0
#115, I think you are missing the point. The girl the OP mentioned has set an expectation for her partners that no one will never be able to meet. Ever. She will not be happy. The people that try to date her will be not be happy. Just because she cannot distinguish fantasy from reality
01100110 0
number 1 ftw.