Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
sunshinedudette 0
hahaha. i'm sorry but this was hilarious. i just think that fans should realize they will never find a real life Edward. If they are waiting for that, i'm sorry but they will just never find it.
Tickle_Me_Emma 0
HAHA. Twilight Is a pretty good Novel. I mean if it wasnt it wouldnt be so popular and they wouldnt make it into a movie. But Come on yall. Its Fantasy. Thats IT. Its not real. Period. Edward is not going to show up on your doorstep and you are not going to get chased by a vampire that "loves the Hunt" some people are just Dillusional
PhysOptGuy 0
I sympathize with the OP. My ******* girlfriend gets angry when I tell her vampires aren't real.
noclevername 0
#26: I haven't read Twilight, and have no desire to. But doesn't it seem a tiny bit hypocritical to talk about how stupid and pathetic one fantasy world is and promote Harry Potter instead? It targets nine-year-olds, love. Post above this: Jaysus. Insist that she check under your bed for dragons or something.
mouseintern 0
Another Twitard who will spend the rest of her life looking for "Edward" and will wind up lonely, sad, and alone, except for maybe a couple cats. Or bats. Sucks for the moment, but better off without such a person in the long run.
Luca90 0
ydi for not being a vampire.
mylifeisfuckedd 0
Ok he's not metro that's the point duh, he's just perfect and gorgeous. And a LOT of people like twilight, just because you don't doesn't mean you have to trash talk it. And to everyone saying "he's a stalker who wants that" its because he protects her DUH! So don't say he stalks her when you don't know wtf you're talking about!
SnipErlite 0
Gahhhh ANOTHER case of Twilight ruining people's minds and/or lives - HE'S NOT REAL PEOPLE GET OVER IT Not only were the books HARDLY the epitome of literary skill, the fascination and, need I say, obsession tons of girls are having over him is ******* ridiculous - I wish you were a vampire? I would slap that girl so hard -.-"
RJF 0
# 26. You deserve to have your face rubbed against concrete for claiming that Harry Potter is any better than Twilight. If there was NOT all this hype about the book series I bet half of you who are ripping it would have loved it. Any one who is a crazy fan of anything is annoying, not just the Twilight girls. You sound ignorant.
cardboardtastes 0
hurm... well anyone who hates twilight - its kind of sad to hate an inanimate object... And really, people are looking for the gentleman that Edward is, not a watch you sleep vegetarian vampire. They just don't know it yet. and FYL btw :)
liquidpaper 0
Bella decided to forgo college to marry a stalker vampire straight out of high school, risking her life to bear his children. That's not love, that's stupidity. She has no self-respect. Is that the kind of role model we want for young girls today?