Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
Rawrrr14 0
#119, even if you did, my point is, don't judge someone that you don't even know, or even a group of people. Everyone is so closed minded and judges everyone on what they wear, or what they like. But, did any of you EVER sit down with a twilight fan and talk with them? So what. I bet there are tons of things you guys are fans of, and you should be able to tell people how much you like it with out getting hated on, don't you think?
Pointless 0
#117, tell me where my mistakes are. I know the capitalization after the colon, that's a habit of mine, but other than that? Point out one more mistake. :] Your post was well thought out, though, and I have to agree with most of it. I personally was a major vampire fan before, and now I have to specify that I don't like the sparkly kind. They aren't really "vampires". I like Angel, Dracula, etc. If Stephanie Meyers wanted to create a new kind of creature to stalk teenage girls, she could have at least gone with an original name, too.
Kylias 6
You're lucky she did this before you took her home and left. She could have acted like Bella, and went suicidal when you left, claiming you were her Edward. You very well could have been, in fact, if you threw glitter on yourself. He doesn't have fangs, after all.
kitti_ 0
#122, you're in your early teens aren't you? I bet you that most of these people, myself included, personally know, or are a friend-of-a-friend of a Twilight fan.
rukusrazor 0
This is why Twilight is killing our society. /I kid, I kid. //But really, Twilight sucks.
pescemora 0
#123: They are mostly just small comma errors, and I am of the mind that if you are going to correct grammar, you should probably have impeccable grammar yourself, right down to the littlest part. It's true that she could have thought up an original name, but if you did actually read the books, you'll note that she either came up with or researched many alternative names. According to all of the stories she cited in the first book, the "vampires" have different names in different cultures. If I remember correctly, Bella assumed they were some type of benevolent vampire from Italy. I don't know if Meyers thought it up herself, but she's going with the "every story is different" thing, so I respect it. Either way, should we really all be arguing about what does or does not make a "real" vampire? Last I checked, they aren't "real" at all... Or maybe OP's new chick is right, and we should all be looking for sparkly, pale, gorgeous blood-suckers???
Rawrrr14 0
#125, why does it matter how old I am. For all you know, I could be an adult, an old woman, a 10 year old, a teen...... etc. Why does it matter???
i_imagine 0
I'm favoriting this.
kitti_ 0
#128, just making an observation.
pescemora 0
#122: I think all of the "haters" have a point. The majority of the tween readers of Twilight are spectacularly crazy. Some of you aren't. But, seriously, a lot of you are...