Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
SteelersGirl 0
Dude that sucks. I got no issues with Twilight until kids turn all fangirl. It shouldn't affect their daily life.. but unfortunately it does. But now you know! Before you take a girl out, ask her if she's ever read it. If she has, how much did she like it?
loserlife90 0
******* TWILIGHT!
lifeisunfair_fml 0
wow, a similar thing happened to me, ******* Stephanie Meyer had to create a BSed boy that all the girls are obssesed with because they are all drowing in their own ******* pool of estrogen, in my opinion you are lucky it didn't go any further she sounds like a crazy freak who was no life and just re reads twilight bcuz she doesnt understand its a ******* fiction story.
polly87 0
#139, LOL. Trudat.
Pointless 0
#127: About my comma errors, I use commas as I use pauses in speech. It's how they were originally used, and that's what I use them for. In my opinion, the current etiquette, or style, for using commas is a degeneration of the language. Sorry if you disagree. And true, there are different kinds of vampires according to culture, but I prefer authors who are original enough to create an entirely new species. It would have given her even more room for creativity and originality, as well. And anyways, that's simply one of my problems with the books. All in all, I think that if the basic story idea had been given to a different author, it could have been an amazing book. As is, it is not. Also, I notice your grammar is somewhat flawed as well, but then again, whose isn't? ;D
pescemora 0
#156: Commas used for the sake of pauses are known as "comma splices." If you disagree with the rules of grammar, I respect that, but my case is that you can't really comment on others' grammar errors if you don't follow the rules yourself. And I never claimed to be perfect with my grammar. Just for ***** and giggles, however, I'd like to know my grammar faux pas?
EmilyLovesYou 0
Edward *drools* haha sucks to be you. you should have just grabed her and bitten her neck... in a nice way obveously ;)
Pointless 0
#156: I note you're talking to yourself, there. ;D But in your previous comment, you said littlest instead of smallest, things like that. No big deal, just something I pointed out for fun. And when people say "lol ur retrded" and things like that, I feel that anyone with a third grade education in grammar has a right to correct them. Sorry. Also, I learned a different definition for comma splices. Interesting. I'll have to look that up.
Maniacishere 0
Me and my mates got hold of a copy of twilight, we replaced like every word in it with penis, it sounds so much better now, i think they should release our revised addition of ... PENISLIGHT
Pointless 0
Hmmm, nevermind abut the talking to yourself thing, #154. Before I refreshed it, it said you were 156. How sad. :[