Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey, except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML
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Top comments
darlinjai 18
Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...
ThatPlankton 15
Did she figure that out by your socks?
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Comments (112)
yeti37 16
Shout "I'm the master of my domain!" Then go watch Seinfeld.
Ziggy122 15
It's no secret to anyone that when a teenage guy locks himself in his room, he's probably masturbating. Nothin' wrong with that. Though 75 is right. Doing it in the shower is more practical. Easy cleanup!
mr_sarcastic416 29
going back to your dads question though, if you ********** before you shower.... why DO you take really long showers?
BigSexy123 11
Because long showers are awesome. The water's nice and warm, you get a bunch of time to contemplate life decisions in a secluded area, and if you have a portable waterproof radio, then you get music :D
Hamz1989 13
I think its about that time that you go out to find a girlfriend and change your parents perception about your loser statues.
BigSexy123 11
How, exactly, does masturbating make someone a loser?
Satoaoi 13
lol number 4 ... also wow very intuitive parents
melkymac101 17
Dang. Well now you should do it in the shower.
mrebeccan 19
better shower after... if it's a good wank, you can really work up a sweat
alipod 11
Now, you don't need to lock yourself in your room anymore.
AlexJones44 9
Wow...
effyolife23 9
YDI for being so obvious.