Miscellaneous: Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 81

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 112

13/12/2011 02:04

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 3 107

Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

Our house, in the middle of our street

07/07/2010 13:17

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 185

You deserved it 8 005

20/04/2014 02:39

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 3 530

05/12/2010 05:13

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 181

You deserved it 67 025

07/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 2 376

Captain Dumbass

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 05:00

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 548

12/09/2016 10:52

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 762

15/05/2012 01:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 947

You deserved it 42 409

09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 677

10/09/2011 05:05

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 297

Not now!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:01

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 305

You deserved it 3 818

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 46

19/07/2009 05:12

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 5 425

01/09/2015 15:30

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 658

You deserved it 1 601

06/02/2015 18:51

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 734

You deserved it 3 010

29/03/2017 07:00

Today, it's the 6th day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 782

You deserved it 1 083

16/06/2013 23:27

Spicy

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 375

You deserved it 5 016

28/07/2013 06:18

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 4 652

06/07/2014 19:28

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 637

You deserved it 8 676

27/05/2009 18:37

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 089

You deserved it 2 964

09/05/2009 06:08

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 953

You deserved it 51 118

10/01/2010 09:14

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 353

You deserved it 29 605

25/10/2012 16:27

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 719

You deserved it 2 473

02/09/2009 00:59

Spicy

Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 30 288

27/08/2010 06:49

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 231

You deserved it 3 796

09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 2 549

08/03/2010 03:12

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 2 459

09/07/2012 19:54

Spicy

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 947

You deserved it 33 721

16/10/2010 02:00

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 700

You deserved it 3 963

31/03/2015 02:50

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 895

You deserved it 2 361

25/08/2019 19:00

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 105

23/12/2014 18:32

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 391

You deserved it 4 636

Creeped out

By dadum - 27/01/2011 07:17

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 666

10/11/2010 17:33

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 4 476

22/08/2010 03:32

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 025

You deserved it 6 450

09/03/2009 17:04

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 076

You deserved it 8 642

Run away, fast

By wtf babe?! - 10/08/2021 22:01

Today, even though we were together every day of quarantine, now that I’m working my boyfriend has become a completely different person. He’s now jealous, insecure and makes wild accusations. He’s called and showed up to my new job so many times the managers are threatening to let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 75

11/03/2011 18:34

Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 469

You deserved it 7 120

The Intruder

By sad_unicorn - 19/04/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 977

04/02/2010 16:03

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 3 689

22/02/2009 02:07

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 83 831

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:43

Um I have a no door locked policy at my house but I'm smart enough to realize it doesn't extend to the bathroom.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:59

It's okay spelling bee contestant.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:38

No more locked doors! Thank you.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:56

im sure he meant all doors BUT the washroom door, ahaa

Ani28 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:02

Next Friday! Gracias ;)

nateylovesporn 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:17

yeah I agree with number 8 the bathroom doesn't apply.. you should know that

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:18

Yeah that rule doesnt apply to the bathroom

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 18:07

8, you douchebag

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 20:05

Gracias!*

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 21:25

Y u no lock door? ?(????)

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 21:27

Sorry for the extra question marks, i tried to put the face to go with it..

Send a private message

Thursday 22 December 2011 10:05

Hey ;)

Send a private message

Thursday 22 December 2011 10:07

Hi

BIGBOY4rmAHM 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:54

Hypocritical* And OP, just do the same thing to him..

BIGBOY4rmAHM 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:56

Sorry spelling bee judge

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:59

It's okay spelling bee contestant.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:44

Haha touché

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:01

The bathroom door shouldn't apply to that rule..

brown4lifejot 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:40

Can't win either way.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 8:43

Um I have a no door locked policy at my house but I'm smart enough to realize it doesn't extend to the bathroom.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:20

Isn't there a universal rule to knock if the door is closed? Knock, wait for response, proceed. Not that complicated.

xXToxicPenguinXx 12

Send a private message

Saturday 20 September 2014 13:28

but the door is closed. should least assume someone would be in there, its called common sense

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:03

Most likely applied to the bedrooms and not the restrooms...

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:06

I had a similar policy at my house, but then I became a teenager.

aisthecoolest 8

Monday 16 April 2012 12:36

Giggedy giggedy goo

Send a private message

Thursday 25 October 2012 7:15

On the floor

GSP101 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:08

Common sense people. Common sense.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:18

Is not common

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:01

Irony.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:33

if the door is shut knock and if no reply say is anyone im there or just walk away lol. @DAD

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:52

I'd hate to live in your house. I think everyone needs a little privacy. I don't understand why some parents would have that rule. Unless the child was an endangerment to themselves?

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:42

If it happens once,hummm,ok. If it happens again,give dad something to look at,then call him a perv. Lol

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 December 2011 20:45

You, mister.. Are DISGUSTING