By IBleedArbor - United States

Realistic

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48127

You deserved it

4993

Favorite

Intimacy

No smoking

Freshman blues

Laundry drama

By Anonymous - 27/8/2020 05:01

Let down

Today, after having spent 2 weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1409

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By Flarewolf - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

17001

You deserved it

46425

Favorite

By thanks google - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2563

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By telefucked - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32497

You deserved it

4165

Favorite

By bald&ugly

Empathy City

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2239

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By great - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39624

You deserved it

6516

Favorite

By Kate - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65559

You deserved it

8220

Favorite

By sadface - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31386

You deserved it

7391

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18313

You deserved it

31078

Favorite

By nutrigrain123 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45477

You deserved it

27483

Favorite

By Iceicebaby - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5105

You deserved it

640

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20256

You deserved it

50147

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15835

You deserved it

86196

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By iHateWorms - Australia

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11477

You deserved it

33577

Favorite

By hairdresser - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49561

You deserved it

5186

Favorite

By SoClose - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65639

You deserved it

5455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 20:00

Creepy

Today, one week after moving into my new apartment in a new city to get away from my stalker ex, I met my new neighbour. Yep, stalker ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

Favorite

By oopsiecoffee - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full" He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13274

You deserved it

76523

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9587

You deserved it

29307

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23776

You deserved it

3207

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3963

You deserved it

468

Favorite

By he fucking smells like death! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2986

Phew, glad it wasn't me

367

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7536

You deserved it

49681

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I finally had the courage to break up with the father of my child. When I got to my parents' house, they were happy, but after explaining that I was going to spend more time with them, they called and told him that they don’t accept devolutions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1999

You deserved it

230

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27854

You deserved it

3296

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

You deserved it

5026

Favorite

By peachass - Australia - Melbourne

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25766

You deserved it

1278

Favorite

By majorlyturnedoff - United States

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31153

You deserved it

3290

Favorite

By Nofreeride

Today, after arguing with my husband over who needed the car more, I thought he clearly won. As the loser, I spent the day walking everywhere. Later, I learned that he thought I'd won and left the car in our apartment parking garage for me while he took the bus to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6862

You deserved it

2036

Favorite

By sick - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35680

You deserved it

11271

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45380

You deserved it

8248

Favorite

By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28047

You deserved it

3790

Favorite

By fatgirl4 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53948

You deserved it

6492

Favorite

By a268 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39168

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By Anony-moose - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26050

You deserved it

2553

Favorite

By gumless - United States

Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn't whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25184

You deserved it

7646

Favorite

By AloneAgainNaturally - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18127

You deserved it

1856

Favorite

By demotivator - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23062

You deserved it

27447

Favorite

By ellabellabooboo - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32154

You deserved it

2666

Favorite

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Top comments

By Hannah_fml | 0

#2836 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 2:04

You have a GREAT mum!

By FunWriter20 | 0

#2853 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 3:07

Lol, that's hilarious and brutal. But maybe she wasn't being mean. Maybe she means girlfriends just add stress, because you'd have to get brave and ask one out, figure out nice dates and whatnot.

COMMENTS

By Hannah_fml | 0

#2836 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 2:04

You have a GREAT mum!

raider6444 | 0

#985288 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:09

Hans I can see ur nipples threw the dress FYI;)

blueridgemtns97 | 0

#1010282 - Friday 28 May 2010 15:55

raiders6444. ha ha! me too!

eehizle | 0

#1043578 - Friday 25 June 2010 22:10

omg. this isn't threadjacked.

well it is now :D

Scoty12C | 6

#2445913 - Monday 2 May 2011 17:15

#45 Through*

By Xephik | 1

#2842 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 2:21

I lol'd

By Slalomskiracer21 | 0

#2851 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 2:48

Its still fun jeez...hahajk

By FunWriter20 | 0

#2853 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 3:07

Lol, that's hilarious and brutal. But maybe she wasn't being mean. Maybe she means girlfriends just add stress, because you'd have to get brave and ask one out, figure out nice dates and whatnot.

By elguapo_fml | 0

#2854 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 3:09

haha... wow, people on this site have the weirdest parents. whatever, you'll either grow some thick skin and get over it or you'll have psychological scars. no biggie

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#2855 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 3:13

I think she's hitting on you.

By bobdole | 0

#2857 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 3:15

I like the word choice: "again."
Suggesting you did already. Also suggesting that not only did you, that she knows about it as well.

By Seegtease | 0

#2933 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 9:25

I usually lol at parent insults, but that's pretty messed up.

By KenMcGormick | 0

#2971 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:52

your mom is awesome

By IBleedArbor | 0

#5959 - Monday 23 February 2009 20:58

My mom didn't know what she was talking about; it was just a good guess. and i'm not incapable of getting a GF.

RussianRedneck16 | 3

#5782341 - Saturday 7 December 2013 8:57

gf's just add more stress find a hobbie that you can get lost in and free your mind or find someone to talk to and let your stress out good luck