Miscellaneous: Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked...

By epicc1584 - 30/07/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 088

You deserved it 4 436

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

What happened?

Hang in there

By MickeyDManager - 03/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 592

You deserved it 39 109

Finishing touch

By pavloviankitty - 28/05/2021 02:01

Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 95

By thatgirl34 - 09/02/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 296

You deserved it 18 639

By drastech99 - 23/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 689

You deserved it 8 389

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 256

By it's v - 17/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 296

You deserved it 289

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 911

You deserved it 4 643

By ScarletBuckeye - 09/07/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 436

You deserved it 4 953

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 387

You deserved it 8 344

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 682

You deserved it 21 102

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 05:23 - Canada

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 066

You deserved it 7 573

By fuck's sake - 16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 007

You deserved it 2 067

Shitty

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 08:00

Today, I can only eat gluten-free food because gluten gives me diarrhea. I’m also vegan, so I bought some vegan cheese and salami to have a mess-free sandwich on the bus. As it turns out, vegan salami consists of 6% gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 869

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 748

You deserved it 5 139

By Jesse Thames - 16/05/2019 04:03

Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 23:01 - Canada

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 456

You deserved it 46 975

By AlexB - 19/08/2016 07:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 316

You deserved it 1 424

By fml333 - 21/12/2009 19:26 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 508

You deserved it 3 831

By Evolution mama - 05/02/2014 19:52 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 139

You deserved it 24 200

Free kick

By steph - 01/06/2009 04:50 - Canada

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 303

You deserved it 38 176

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 14:53 - United States - Pekin

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 139

You deserved it 7 837

Is that even legal?

By jam - 27/07/2020 08:01

Today, my boss told me that I'm being terminated. Apparently, being pregnant means I was going to quit soon anyway, so there's no point. Now I have to get job so I don't get deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 182

By Murphy - 26/08/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 213

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 4 152

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 508

You deserved it 31 778

By SadFace - 12/09/2013 12:39 - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 727

You deserved it 3 844

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 01:10 - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 736

You deserved it 3 630

By stillshakinggd - 28/11/2012 21:16 - United States

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 386

You deserved it 2 704

By inconnue - 18/03/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 527

You deserved it 9 109

By Jules - 21/02/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 4 812

By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - 17/08/2012 16:27 - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 2 755

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 455

You deserved it 4 305

What a catch

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, rather than get me a birthday present, my boyfriend just got angry that I got gifts from other people. Apparently, it "made him feel guilty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 84

By Tragics - 11/11/2009 18:53 - Canada

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 398

You deserved it 3 408

By mudafkrmas - 18/09/2009 04:14 - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 33 282

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 669

You deserved it 3 914

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 47

By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - 31/10/2015 10:20 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 723

You deserved it 1 456

By kacysospacyy - 15/07/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 4 811

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Top comments

simplyn2deep 2

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

nice compliments from the guys. sucks you have a jerk for a boyfriend. I would have replied back that they were the hottest guys I'd seen in a long time.

necrobese 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:19

Ouch!

necrobese 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:19

Ouch!

lonelyinMA 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:28

simply defending his territory

Trollinggx3 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:45

YDI for being ugly.

bloodthorn 4

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Thursday 30 July 2009 21:22

agreed. YDI for being an ugly piece of shit

genius_man16 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 21:35

Agree with 10. Jesus, what the hell is with all these extremely sensitive girls? It's called a joke, with him trying to shrug off his jealousy, goddamn.

Lmao_xD 0

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Friday 31 July 2009 0:37

uhm wow

venom117 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:20

HAH awesome

BussellRishop 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 22:41

To be fair, it is delicious.

halflife3isreal 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:23

So, what's bad about this?

seb12992 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:58

Are you stupid or something? P.S. Jackass crew should pick all the FMLs for now on. The FMLs they picked are hilarious!

yeahsurre 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 23:37

i completely agree :)

sugar_bear 0

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Friday 31 July 2009 6:11

I agree with 32, about the jackass crew part.

simplyn2deep 2

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

nice compliments from the guys. sucks you have a jerk for a boyfriend. I would have replied back that they were the hottest guys I'd seen in a long time.

Edeline_fml 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 22:09

Niiice.

ichat21 9

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Friday 31 July 2009 19:18

Oooh take simplyn2deep's advice. Then dump him. Then he'll see how funny his little joke is.

TheFection 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 3:09

exactly. just dump him for one of them. I would have broken up with him and exchanged numbers with the others on the spot

Hidebehindarock 19

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Saturday 27 December 2014 23:53

Lol..you have a lot to learn about sarcasm if you'd do that..

Silent_Harmony 3

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

Beat him up LOL

no1askdu 5

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:50

Beat him off LOL

kyle4321 0

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Friday 7 August 2009 6:06

Win on #27's part

KumoFF7 3

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

lol surprised they used beautiful instead of hot. this isn't an FML

ilikeboys 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

your bf just has a sense of humor...lol that's funny. i don't think he was trying to be a jerk but who knows

Hidebehindarock 19

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Saturday 27 December 2014 23:57

This should be featured.

boysxrulex09 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

girls suck.

carlos177567 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:28

your mum sucks. she blows too.

cima3695 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:52

I'm guessing your gay.

lmmmr 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:59

Aww, little boy still believes in cooties.

MissBoo101 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

yes, yes we do. you should be more appreciative of it.

Sketch_y 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:32

Err. She submitted this at 8:32 AM. They knew she was the ONLY girl they saw so far. Hurr hurr.

tikimuppet 11

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Thursday 30 July 2009 21:34

Different countries have different time zones. It could have been past lunch in Maryland when it was posted

diet_otaku 0

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Friday 31 July 2009 1:31

maybe you missed the part where OP said "around noon"?

Person1233 12

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:33

I've moderated MUCH better FMLs than this; this week, and they didn't make it to the front page

wbrycem 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 20:42

Do you want a hero cookie?

xHaniffax 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 21:17

are they chocolate chip? If so, yes. But I don't like oatmeal or raisin.......or even better! - Make it white chocolate mmmmmmmmmm cookieeeee.

Person1233 12

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Thursday 30 July 2009 21:53

WTF! FML took out half of my comment to make me look like a total douche. -_-

blackdog218 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 22:04

lol FYL Person1233

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 145

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 91

Finishing touch

Who are you?

Shitty

Free kick

Is that even legal?

What a catch

Stinky neighborhood

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