Miscellaneous: Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked...

By epicc1584 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

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53071

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Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

The wrong end of the stick

Morning conversation

By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39795

You deserved it

3340

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33373

You deserved it

3303

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By LifeSucks - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38935

You deserved it

2482

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

69642

You deserved it

17424

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By Pauline - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20714

You deserved it

2450

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41102

You deserved it

4363

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By SecondBest,IGuess - United States

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62354

You deserved it

16382

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By sweetjulie

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1336

You deserved it

264

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By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18126

You deserved it

32566

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By ColdMN - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24204

You deserved it

11084

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 08:06

Easy listener

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1271

You deserved it

206

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By Conner Johnson

The Customer Is Clueless

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3108

You deserved it

275

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By footfetish - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42413

You deserved it

4547

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By Ban Hammered - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12319

You deserved it

852

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By bridezilla - New Zealand - Auckland

Honesty

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20394

You deserved it

35124

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By Tired - United States

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46821

You deserved it

5359

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By Lililaloose - France

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35798

You deserved it

3565

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By fmldr - United States

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42711

You deserved it

2765

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By Thorin - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31356

You deserved it

6647

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By Username - France

Today, my boyfriend wanted to prove how honest he is so he showed me numerous texts in his phone where he told other women he was in a relationship before asking them to sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35459

You deserved it

3338

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16710

You deserved it

68260

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By Lissa - 13/1/2021 01:58

Start worrying

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

967

You deserved it

212

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51783

You deserved it

11141

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By Anonymous

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10030

You deserved it

1019

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By weirded out - United States - Brentwood

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39014

You deserved it

3703

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By 3sacrowd - Canada

Today, while I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend, I mentioned bringing another lady in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me and said "let's ask your sister." He then got dressed and called her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11827

You deserved it

30115

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By Alyce - 9/10/2020 08:10 - United States - Lewistown

Never flip flop and drive

Today, I was supposed to deliver my S/O's keys to the garage, where he got his car fixed after a minor accident. I pulled out of my alley, only to have my flip flop catch on my accelerator, causing me to hit another car passing by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

392

You deserved it

1386

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By Emily 1992 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

104

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By Anonymous - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60308

You deserved it

5042

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By ugh - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23242

You deserved it

1428

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By milkybear - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44768

You deserved it

15833

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By notagoodtime - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27809

You deserved it

5079

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By clkoko - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21381

You deserved it

5529

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By phlyingphuck - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45557

You deserved it

7857

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By TKDConnor92 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31589

You deserved it

6696

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2019

You deserved it

230

Favorite

By shortiem - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23633

You deserved it

4797

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By lea5459 - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24592

You deserved it

3413

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7015

You deserved it

534

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45734

You deserved it

3608

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Top comments

By simplyn2deep | 2

#443198 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

nice compliments from the guys. sucks you have a jerk for a boyfriend. I would have replied back that they were the hottest guys I'd seen in a long time.

By necrobese | 0

#443179 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:19

Ouch!

COMMENTS

By necrobese | 0

#443179 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:19

Ouch!

lonelyinMA | 0

#443219 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:28

simply defending his territory

Trollinggx3 | 0

#443280 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:45

YDI for being ugly.

bloodthorn | 4

#443385 - Thursday 30 July 2009 21:22

agreed. YDI for being an ugly piece of shit

genius_man16 | 0

#443409 - Thursday 30 July 2009 21:35

Agree with 10. Jesus, what the hell is with all these extremely sensitive girls? It's called a joke, with him trying to shrug off his jealousy, goddamn.

Lmao_xD | 0

#443901 - Friday 31 July 2009 0:37

uhm wow

By venom117 | 0

#443182 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:20

HAH awesome

BussellRishop | 0

#443533 - Thursday 30 July 2009 22:41

To be fair, it is delicious.

By halflife3isreal | 0

#443197 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:23

So, what's bad about this?

seb12992 | 0

#443325 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:58

Are you stupid or something?

P.S.

Jackass crew should pick all the FMLs for now on. The FMLs they picked are hilarious!

yeahsurre | 0

#443698 - Thursday 30 July 2009 23:37

i completely agree :)

sugar_bear | 0

#444205 - Friday 31 July 2009 6:11

I agree with 32, about the jackass crew part.

By simplyn2deep | 2

#443198 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

nice compliments from the guys. sucks you have a jerk for a boyfriend. I would have replied back that they were the hottest guys I'd seen in a long time.

Edeline_fml | 0

#443465 - Thursday 30 July 2009 22:09

Niiice.

ichat21 | 9

#445214 - Friday 31 July 2009 19:18

Oooh take simplyn2deep's advice. Then dump him.
Then he'll see how funny his little joke is.

TheFection | 0

#2290213 - Monday 4 April 2011 3:09

exactly. just dump him for one of them. I would have broken up with him and exchanged numbers with the others on the spot

Hidebehindarock | 19

#6155839 - Saturday 27 December 2014 23:53

Lol..you have a lot to learn about sarcasm if you'd do that..

By Silent_Harmony | 3

#443200 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:24

Beat him up LOL

no1askdu | 5

#443297 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:50

Beat him off LOL

kyle4321 | 0

#465370 - Friday 7 August 2009 6:06

Win on #27's part

By KumoFF7 | 3

#443203 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

lol surprised they used beautiful instead of hot.
this isn't an FML

By ilikeboys | 0

#443204 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

your bf just has a sense of humor...lol
that's funny. i don't think he was trying to be a jerk but who knows

Hidebehindarock | 19

#6155840 - Saturday 27 December 2014 23:57

This should be featured.

By boysxrulex09 | 0

#443205 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:25

girls suck.

carlos177567 | 0

#443218 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:28

your mum sucks. she blows too.

cima3695 | 0

#443309 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:52

I'm guessing your gay.

lmmmr | 0

#443328 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:59

Aww, little boy still believes in cooties.

MissBoo101 | 0

#2907223 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

yes, yes we do. you should be more appreciative of it.

By Sketch_y | 0

#443233 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:32

Err. She submitted this at 8:32 AM. They knew she was the ONLY girl they saw so far.

Hurr hurr.

tikimuppet | 11

#443408 - Thursday 30 July 2009 21:34

Different countries have different time zones. It could have been past lunch in Maryland when it was posted

diet_otaku | 0

#444057 - Friday 31 July 2009 1:31

maybe you missed the part where OP said "around noon"?

By Person1233 | 12

#443236 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:33

I've moderated MUCH better FMLs than this; this week, and they didn't make it to the front page

wbrycem | 0

#443271 - Thursday 30 July 2009 20:42

Do you want a hero cookie?

xHaniffax | 0

#443375 - Thursday 30 July 2009 21:17

are they chocolate chip? If so, yes. But I don't like oatmeal or raisin.......or even better! - Make it white chocolate mmmmmmmmmm cookieeeee.

Person1233 | 12

#443431 - Thursday 30 July 2009 21:53

WTF! FML took out half of my comment to make me look like a total douche. -_-

blackdog218 | 0

#443450 - Thursday 30 July 2009 22:04

lol FYL Person1233