Kids: Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break,...

By imsadnow - 31/01/2011 20:01 - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 061

You deserved it 7 276

Kids

Batman

You tried

Empathy lives

By makeover-needed - 06/07/2015 21:32 - United States

Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 417

You deserved it 1 851

By roidrager - 16/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 3 056

By yamblam5 - 29/05/2016 03:32 - United States - Monroe

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 745

You deserved it 1 488

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 1 536

Send help

By Virginy - 01/11/2014 01:26 - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 2 604

Wet dream

By Annettedarling - 21/04/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog acted out a scene from Disney with me, by causing me and a member of the opposite sex to fall into a river after tangling our legs with the lead. No, it didn't lead to marriage, just me being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 923

You deserved it 489

By Nicky_ham - 06/01/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 559

You deserved it 1 625

By hotandbothered - 03/02/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 4 320

By gross - 02/05/2015 18:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 951

You deserved it 3 952

By BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 078

You deserved it 4 297

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 349

You deserved it 4 027

By likesboys - 19/05/2010 12:00 - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 4 960

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 07:42 - United States - Fresno

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 730

You deserved it 3 011

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 99 740

Stuck

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 20:01

Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 100

By could be an fml commenter - 13/04/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 675

You deserved it 108 090

Where is this kid now?

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 057

You deserved it 16 914

Erection for Protection

By zingle af - 26/07/2017 20:00

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock solid erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 504

You deserved it 597

By reesemaster - 23/11/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 9 828

By JudasThePriest - 01/12/2013 07:42 - United States - Greensboro

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 487

You deserved it 3 204

By Elevated fear - 24/12/2017 19:00

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 542

By jibjab - 11/01/2009 16:46 - Canada

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 022

You deserved it 9 060

By swallowsafly - 08/06/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 121

By lovelife - 27/09/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 3 759

Fussy eater

By germaphobe - 19/08/2021 20:59 - United States

Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 115

By jordy1995 - 16/07/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 3 209

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 21:30

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 486

You deserved it 260

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 20:13 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 509

You deserved it 4 241

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:06

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 110

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 110

You deserved it 5 506

By atomwolf - 09/12/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I wanted to work out the volume of my penis and did so on the first piece of paper I could find on my desk. After I finished the calculations I realized that the other side of the paper was in fact my school report. It's the only copy I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 981

You deserved it 11 953

By nottrustworthy - 18/11/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 417

You deserved it 4 554

By Down - 16/01/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 281

You deserved it 1 903

By Sarge9774 - 20/10/2016 20:35

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 239

You deserved it 755

Salad days

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:28

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 764

Hangry

By Broke as hell - 07/04/2020 23:00

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 05:01 - Canada

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 743

You deserved it 7 897

By MaHalKiTa - 23/07/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 644

You deserved it 4 663

By kelsey - 08/03/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 948

You deserved it 4 943

By me - 07/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 618

You deserved it 3 971

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Emerant 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

That is so cute! I mean, c'mon, OP, even if you may have been insulted by it, it's still nice of him to say. :3

ilovepandaz 2

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

At least he thought u were pretty

Athlete21 3

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:07

not a fml sir lol just a Lil bit

funktown 2

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 0:37

take the compliment man!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 1:59

I get compliments on my looks all the time. sucks to be you.

Kurg 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 6:33

At least you're pretty.

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 8:08

He wants you. Bad. Run.

flamegrilled123 3

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:08

lol that happened to me once get over it

MrNewOrleans 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 1:34

it means the kid wanted him 2 b his bitch

Doortje 29

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:14

You're a pretty girl.

diesel42o 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:14

at least ur a pretty girl

McMan 23

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

Maybe the kid saw that you were down and wanted to brighten your day, see how he was trying to make you happy take it as it is.

This_is_funny 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:13

I agree ^^ lighten up and stop being such a sour puss. He was probably trying to cheer u up.

Emerant 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

That is so cute! I mean, c'mon, OP, even if you may have been insulted by it, it's still nice of him to say. :3

ilovepandaz 2

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

At least he thought u were pretty

MrBoredGuy 1

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 9:11

something is seriously wrong with that panda

LADYGAGAGOOGA 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:25

he's a sad panda

iliketurdles 7

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:18

Its the thought that counts? I didn't think so either... Ohh well, you'll live.

ItsMeA_Chanel 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:19

So! You're just a pretty boy. Take the compliment.

Emerant 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 23:19

Did he kill someone to get you to say that?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 85

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