Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break,...

By imsadnow - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

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Kids

Serious times

This is us

You've got some explaining to do

By ieatoreos

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

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By SetoAyumi - United States

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

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By stun_zeed

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

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By shoeaddiikt - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

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By teeeessst - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

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By for my brother in law - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

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By toomuchmetal - United States

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

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By efff my life. - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

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72982

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By :$ - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

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By not telling you my name - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

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By loser doctor - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

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By UnluckyReporter - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

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By Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 17:02 - Germany

The Blob

Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML

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By MadSon - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

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By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

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By StupidJob - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

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By nude - United States

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

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By Jake - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

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By DrugDeal - Canada

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

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By pugs - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

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By uncoretard

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

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By Tomb Raider Wannabe - Australia - Premer

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 20:08

Really close

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

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By baberuth - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks?

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

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By my eyes!! - 27/5/2020 08:00

Knock next time

Today, I walked in on my husband's elderly parents getting it on. It’s beautiful they still love each other, I just wish they hadn’t decided to express that love on our living room sofa. FML

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By Mack - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

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By Username

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

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By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 02:00

Stealth dog

Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML

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Top comments

By Emerant | 0

#2030911 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

That is so cute! I mean, c'mon, OP, even if you may have been insulted by it, it's still nice of him to say. :3

By ilovepandaz | 2

#2030912 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

At least he thought u were pretty

COMMENTS

By Athlete21 | 3

#2030884 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:07

not a fml sir lol just a Lil bit

funktown | 2

#2031118 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 0:37

take the compliment man!

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2031418 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 1:59

I get compliments on my looks all the time. sucks to be you.

Kurg | 0

#2032037 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 6:33

At least you're pretty.

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2032112 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 8:08

He wants you. Bad. Run.

By flamegrilled123 | 3

#2030888 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:08

lol that happened to me once get over it

MrNewOrleans | 0

#2031342 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 1:34

it means the kid wanted him 2 b his bitch

By Doortje | 28

#2030905 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:14

You're a pretty girl.

By diesel42o | 0

#2030907 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:14

at least ur a pretty girl

By McMan | 23

#2030909 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

Maybe the kid saw that you were down and wanted to brighten your day, see how he was trying to make you happy take it as it is.

This_is_funny | 0

#2032239 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:13

I agree ^^
lighten up and stop being such a sour puss. He was probably trying to cheer u up.

By Emerant | 0

#2030911 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

That is so cute! I mean, c'mon, OP, even if you may have been insulted by it, it's still nice of him to say. :3

By ilovepandaz | 2

#2030912 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:15

At least he thought u were pretty

MrBoredGuy | 1

#2032184 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 9:11

something is seriously wrong with that panda

LADYGAGAGOOGA | 0

#2084533 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:25

he's a sad panda

By iliketurdles | 7

#2030917 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:18

Its the thought that counts?

I didn't think so either... Ohh well, you'll live.

By ItsMeA_Chanel | 0

#2030919 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:19

So! You're just a pretty boy. Take the compliment.

By Emerant | 0

#2030921 - Monday 31 January 2011 23:19

Did he kill someone to get you to say that?