New relations - FML

New relations

By Pat - 22/09/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 66

Empathy lives

Cats are like drugs

Can't take the heat

By AuntSucka - 08/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 422

You deserved it 3 665

By cnkk07 - 14/10/2011 10:36 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 2 506

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 794

By Roma - 16/06/2017 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 168

You deserved it 505

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 02:01

Today, I got home from my tour of duty. The first thing my teen daughter said to me was could she have some money, because mom won’t give her anymore since she got caught using her allowance to buy weed. Not even a "Hello" or tears of joy to see me, just a demand for drug money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 161

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 2 134

By thrifty gone wrong - 28/01/2013 17:24 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 967

You deserved it 4 320

By halza - 30/05/2016 11:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 362

You deserved it 963

By Rowden - 26/04/2010 09:58 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 164

You deserved it 9 593

Parenting gone feral

By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 269

By fuck my arse - 08/08/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 391

You deserved it 19 499

By thisiswhyimsingle - 14/09/2015 05:17 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 3 459

By fuckedup - 13/11/2009 19:13 - Germany

Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 3 055

By kittkatt1 - 11/11/2013 01:52 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 322

You deserved it 5 482

By ElixirRose - 20/07/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 390

You deserved it 46 565

By WTF - 12/09/2013 23:08 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 187

You deserved it 4 461

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 153

You deserved it 3 603

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 15/09/2009 04:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 8 019

Jammed

By stinky car - 16/08/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 983

You deserved it 10 395

By bridget1989 - 11/03/2016 10:03 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 084

You deserved it 2 068

By awkwardgayboi - 11/03/2009 18:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 843

You deserved it 92 428

By Dispute - 08/08/2011 05:30 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 5 950

By PseudoHappiness - 18/07/2016 00:16 - United States

Today, I found out my debit card information has been compromised and that someone in San Jose, CA has completely drained my bank account. Joke's on them though. I was already broke as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 586

You deserved it 1 344

Moment ruined

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:25 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 496

You deserved it 3 361

By jay ze punk - 29/01/2013 19:56 - France - Metz-tessy

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 644

You deserved it 5 191

Pentaxed

By sonja_n - 10/10/2019 23:00 - Australia - Kew

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 522

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 82

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 669

You deserved it 2 253

By e.middlechild - 13/06/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 371

You deserved it 3 698

Run Away

By dman92 - 09/04/2017 14:24

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 698

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 847

You deserved it 4 522

By Godi - 10/12/2009 19:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 707

You deserved it 2 957

Well shit.

By Trist - 09/08/2018 14:30

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 166

By whatjusthappened - 20/12/2013 08:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 095

You deserved it 4 904

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 810

You deserved it 6 850

By theregoesmyspermcount - 02/08/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 774

You deserved it 5 680

By spermbankonlegs - 16/03/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 566

You deserved it 4 852

By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 2 500

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 457

You deserved it 5 193

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Top comments

Yudith 20

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 12:41

At least he's not going to marry your girlfriend's daughter. Now that would have been awkward.

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 13:46

if you're an adult, it doesn't matter... it'll be a bit odd at family get togethers,, but other than that, nothing wrong with it.

Comments

Yudith 20

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 12:41

At least he's not going to marry your girlfriend's daughter. Now that would have been awkward.

2deployments1divorce 10

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 13:41

Go watch a movie called Lone Star State of Mind.

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 13:46

if you're an adult, it doesn't matter... it'll be a bit odd at family get togethers,, but other than that, nothing wrong with it.

spinspinsugar 12

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 21:53

dude, Idgaf how old they are. his gf will be his stepsister and you don't find that weird?

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 22:49

Is it a little odd? Yes. But if they are adults it has far less impact on their life in general than if the o.p. and his gf are teenagers. If they are teenagers, then I can see a weurd/gross factor, and to date would be inappropriate in some states. And if they'd be living in the same house as brither/sister, then definitely not ok. But, if they are adults, and not living with their parents, then it has little impact.

Michael Sawyer 9

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Wednesday 23 September 2020 17:27

My step-sister and I dated in High School. We got together in 1996 and dated right up until my mother and her father got married. We both get a kick out of telling people that we used to date our step sibling and watching their reactions. Then we will tell the rest of the story and say.. how do you think that our parents met (by they way it was my senior prom in 1997 when my mom and her dad met, married 2 years later). There is NO BLOOD relation between you and your possible step sister, do not let it get to you there is nothing wrong with it. If you decide to stay together try and find the funny in it like my Step-sister and I did.

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 20:56

Just think how much fun you'll have telling everyone that you married your step-sister (assuming it goes that far).

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 22 September 2020 22:42

Just make sure your future children know that you were with your mom BEFORE she became your step-sister. It'll be harder explaining how their paternal grandmother and maternal grandmother are the same person. Your family tree is a banzai.

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Wednesday 23 September 2020 0:14

"we're home all alone stepbro"

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Thursday 24 September 2020 20:25

Thats hilarious 🤣

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Wednesday 23 September 2020 2:58

As long as you don't live in the same house it's not tough at all. It all depends on your age.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 25 September 2020 17:40

It's not like it's illegal for you to carry on dating her when she becomes your stepsister.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 38

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 595