Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
purple_sarah 0
It's better than having sexual experiences you regret. Focus on forming relationships first, getting to know new friends and potential partners, you'll find someone worth waiting for.
randomdude1234 0
#11-Borat?? #73--nice green day quote
were_giraffe 2
yeah throw them out. but ... your friends will tell you differently... but there's no crime in passing up on the skanks while you wait to find someone worth being with. not to mention... those high school sex ed classes NEVER tell you the truth about condoms and birth control. Here's a few things they taught in a college level human sexuality class: 1 Condoms - Condoms are 98% effective in laboratory testing. - In real life they have about a 17% failure rate. That statistic is taken from the number of people who use condoms only and still end up with a pregnancy. 2 AIDS / HIV - The pours in latex are 50X bigger than the size of the HIV virus. Yep. You can still become HIV positive while using condoms. So... you're a virgin. Who cares? The only people who care are other boys who want to tease you about it... and most likely ... they're just embellishing their stories, or outright lying.
cossackkid01 0
Dude- just go pay an escort already. This has 2 virtues- 1) you won't have to worry about your lack of experience or skill, since she's only there for the money, anyway and won't be critiquing your skills and 2) once you lose your V-flag, you may well feel less nervous about the whole thing, leading to you ultimately doing better with the girls. Good luck, broheim.
wtf_fg 0
That was a FEMALE. Try to keep up. :)
Vagrarian 2
#162...the story about HIV and condoms is disputed. The CDC reports that correct usage of condoms is conclusively proven to help prevent HIV infection. And the stuff about pore sizes is based on faulty info...from what I've been able to find out, whoever started that had the measurements of pore sizes from latex gloves, but condoms are manufactured differently. It's also been found that some folks citing this permeability stuff refer to fictitious studies and seem to be making stuff up. However, that misinformation is commonly spread by pro-abstinence anti-sex types and now too many people in the general public take it for a fact. The truth is that so far nobody has been able to conclusively prove that HIV can permeate a condom; people who claim so appear to either do so out of ignorance or are using a life-and-death medical issue to push an idealogical agenda.
cossackkid01 0
Oh, and #32, if you've been with the same man for 6 years and are not having sex, then 1) He's just not having sex with YOU or 2) he's not so much a 'he'... what's the correct pronoun for eunuchs, anyway? #162, good points, but as I like to say; when you get into an automobile, you put yourself at much higher risk (statistically) than you do during sex, providing that you're not having unprotected anal with a heroin-junkie vegas go-go dancer. The same folks who want to scare us away from sex aren't about to give up their SUVs, though, are they?
SamanthaLynne7 0
# 78, wow the OP is too picky and maybe thats why they havent had sex? or maybe they want their first time to be special, and not just **** some random person. there is nothing wrong with that. why would you buy condoms for your 18th birthday? you dont have to be 18 to buy condoms......
cherrystarkiss 0
You haven't cleaned your bedside table in 5 years?
wowfmlife 0
How long does it take for condoms to expire?? Does anyone know?
FKO 0
Look at it this way buddy; 1 in four people have herpes. Blessing in disguise brah.