Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
xkonstantine125x 7
At least you've had plenty of practice :] I imagine you have an impressive man gun. haha I'm sorry for you dude... I've haven't had sex in a year and 4 months, because I've said no... A lesbian with morals? WTF!
ILIEKGIRLS 5
wow, what the ****?
Peroxide 3
So um, exactly how big is ur wanking arm?
doof_fisch 2
Save yourself for marriage. That's what God's gift of sex is for -- your spouse -- and by waiting for her to be your first-- you have given her an exceptional gift of your love. Any animal (and most do) can have sex. Look at all the posts that degrade you saying that "getting laid is easy." If you think of yourself as an animal in heat then that's one thing, but if you respect yourself and your future spouse, and God's Word-- then you will have a different attitude.
lawlkat 0
Sex isn't the prize of humanity, pick your self up and get a girlfriend. Girls will have sex with anything that tells them they love them in three weeks after a relationship has been engaged. Happy huntings!
Jennika 0
Are you a guy? What's your name? You might just be my ex boyfriend, hehe. Don't worry about it. Sex isn't everything.
ohreally123 0
It's not a big deal. Maybe even consider saving yourself for marriage.
lolwut_fail 0
#132 Animals just have sex for mating purposes only, not for pleasure (except for dolphins). So you can't really compare human's sexual urges to an animal. You're either: lazy, hideous, or victim of some kind of social anxiety. But since you haven't cleaned your bedside table in 5 years, so I'm assuming you haven't moved out of your parent's house yet either...I'm going to go with lazy. Get up off your bum and get yourself some pussy.
kvgf1484 0
HAHA #122 made me laugh so hard! Annnndd I want to try that flower pot thingy. Too funny.
boredlittlechild 0
lol, you don't need a condom when life ***** you...