Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
brokenly 5
My comment sucks.
LiterOfCola 16
I'd say ask her for a ******** but...
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Comments (304)
Enslaved 38
24 hour Walgreens? Go get more condoms or do other stuff that doesn't involve having intercourse.
theluckyones 10
She obviously doesn't have hands or else she wouldn't have used her teeth and he would've just got a hand job.. Poor girl. FHL (I'm joking guys)
j_cat187 20
Well you can do other things if you know what I mean. Or watch the soap of you're in to that kind of thing.
tnlander 20
Backdoor not baby!!!
Mandeeplease 6
I'm sure it makes it much worse that you're watching soap operas. All those babes. Sorry guy.
brand0n93 5
Just take it out before you cum like how they do in the pornos
Zomg_Okay 27
The whole point of wearing the condom is so she doesn't get pregnant or they don't give each other something nasty. All the pull-out method accomplishes is keeping stupidity in our gene pool. [EDIT] For ****'s sake, you're 19. You shouldn't need to be told that **** doesn't mirror real sex and you definitely shouldn't need to be told that pulling out doesn't work.
xNephilim 19
The reason they pull out in **** is to have a nice cumshot. Not to prevent pregnancy. Also, the chicks in **** are ALL on birth control, plus they usually use spermicides afterwards.
Toshido 10
Maybe you should put the condom on yourself...instead of expecting someone else to do it for you. Or stop being lazy watching soaps, and bitching about how bad your life is because a condom ripped and go get more.
laden_swallow09 35
It was supposed to be an intimate act, her wrapping him up in a rubber.
Toshido 10
True, but that doesn't change the fact, that the OP is bitching about it like it's the end of the world. Like he was probably sitting there with his arms crossed and pouting. Instead of just sitting there he could have gone out and bought more.
Chris455 8
Pull out technique! :p
3stoogesFAN1123 0
What kind of condoms are you using? Either that or tell your girlfriend they're not brownies. You don't shove the whole thing in your mouth.
unknown_user5566 27
Your hand isn't broken, is it? Just go take care of yourself. Some of those soap operas show enough skin to give you some inspiration.