Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
Today, my mom revoked my shower privileges for a week, all because I'm “using too much water.” I'm the kind of person who will smell like garbage after one skipped shower. FML
Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML
Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
I feel sorry for the dog, their sense of smell is 100 times that of ours.
BurningGrannies 16
Then... how often do they give the dog a bath?
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Comments (55)
Needafarm 22
Maybe you could recommend that they clean their nether regions and underarms with a wash cloth if they are that worried about the water. Like they show in old movies with a water basin.
fml121785 14
It's called "a *****'s bath", where they just wash their underarms and privates. That would work or they could get a big box of the baby wipes and freshen themselves up a little in between their bi-weekly baths. Yuck! o.O
ManInTheMachine 20
I'm just waiting for the idiot that thinks "fortnight" means every other day.
igive 29
Yeah, those idiots. Everyone knows a fortnight is the nights when you build forts. Duh.
ManInTheMachine 20
...the FML IS about building forts, isn't it?
ViviMage 40
Isn't that once every two weeks?
ManInTheMachine 20
It is indeed. :)
vadaaa 11
Refer to comment 7.
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
Thats messed up
whY402Jay 12
At least you had enough respect to not rag on your parents.
perdix 31
You don't know anatomy. It has nothing to do with the heart. You have the brains not to reveal the disgusting truth to your friends, but you lack the balls to confront your parents for being dirty hippies. Tell them that saving water by creating air pollution is a net loss for the environment.
bnutzinger 11
Are you high on bath salts? Net loss for the environment? Really?
YodasTwinSister 11
#21.) Have you no idea who you're talking to? Show some respect. This man can say whatever he pleases. Be gone with your negativity, scoundrel.
TheRandomIndian 17
Perdix she wants the D
YodasTwinSister 11
Ugh, it's like you know me. I've been searching for this "D" ever since I got on the internetz. Someone please just give it to me so I may say I received the ever elusive "D".
picante72 24
Challenge accepted :)
perdix 31
#30, she can go to Dallas whenever she wants.
99megster 15
25).... I'm not wearing any ;)
lcd42 7
I'm thinking they might want to look elsewhere for their water savings... although, they could have gone for another old-fashioned trick of only flushing once a day. Time to stock up on body spray!!
lovelyohhmee 8
Body spray is only going to work for a little while then make them stink worse.
cupkate18 6
Is just tell my parents they smell awful and are driving people away with there stench . Or make up a fake article on how not showering could make you develop cancer .
greenie213 23
Sometimes, the nose is more important than the environment.
Dimence 9
Show your mother a blue waffle (thank you perdix, no I could not resist not looking). I'm sure she will start showering every hour. If you don't know what that is, take perdix advice. DON'T look it up.
dancinwookie 21
What kind of online community do you think this is? Of course we're going to look it up now...you told us not to.
dancinwookie 21
Oh god. It's like a kaleidoscope!
Ultimate_No 7
Wait outside for them to get home and then hose them down in the yard.