Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I entered my neighbors’ yard around a shorter corner than usual. Their old dog is getting a bit slow, but unfortunately only in her head: By the time she recognized me as harmless, she had already run up and bitten me. FML
Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML
Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML
Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML
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Top comments
Dalliance 4
I assume you made it.
WeezyBites 6
Pretty good way to stay in shape
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Comments (185)
Dalliance 4
I assume you made it.
runnamuk 6
Nope, Heaven has a wireless connection.
malchik_fml 0
At least it helped keep you running!
marmlr339 14
This happens to me all the time. People down my street have no respect for others
zandalee 19
Try wearing a shirt then
iNewKid 20
Run, Forrest, run!
marmlr339 14
42 - pardon my ignorance, but what does a shirt have to do with it? :-/
br0ccoli 14
59- Dogs like the sweet scent of sausages and fear, which is more apparent without a shirt on.
skoob1 12
Of course heaven has an Internet connection! It is supposed to be 'more bliss than anything on earth'...
citymayer 7
Thank you lord jesus christ that heaven has wireless..
jab7769 8
Well on the bright side he burned way more calories that way.
VoteForTaco 8
And the reason why hell is hell is because they have one bar connection ?
runnamuk 6
Worse, dial up.
tjv3 10
Just think of him as your personal trainer. But for real call animal control getting bit by a dog sucks
kenshin496 3
People have got to learn how to finish their stories...
ambowew 7
If they can post this on FML, I think it's safe to say that they escaped the dog. Or can enter an FML whilst running from said dog. Or they have FML in the afterlife. Hey, one can hope.
kenshin496 3
Lol fair enough...
wallandpiece 16
Maybe they were using FML on a mobile device, and are still running from the dog as we speak. At least it'll help OP burn off calories.
ladyLALAA 28
Yay, 12 when I read this I imagined OP with terry-toweling head and sweat bands trying to type on the iPhone! Yay!
TrimKibbles 12
36, your mother must be proud.
iloveyou2129 6
dont you talk bout 36's mother! haha just kidding
WeezyBites 6
Pretty good way to stay in shape
gantzlord 5
Yeah op should stop running the dog could bite off those pesky extra pounds.
ohgoud 1
Lol
thisisafunnyname 12
This reminds me of this joke where there's a guy who joins a weightloss program and on the first day, a hot girl wearing only sneakers shows up at his door with a sign that says "if you catch me, you can do what you want with me." He runs for 5miles then has his way with her. This continues everyday with a hotter and faster girl than the day before. Finally, he tells the program director that he's ready for the final challenge. The director says, with a wink, "Are you sure? You might not be able to handle what you get after you're done running." The guy says he's sure, and sure enough the next day, he opens the door to a big hairy naked man with a sign that says "If I catch you, I'm gonna have my way with you."
maskedman 9
How many calories did you burn? That's what's important.
yahoowizard 16
And how many calories did the dog get xD
runnamuk 6
Are you the bacon lady from the super market? If so I know why you're over weight/the dog likes you.
br0ccoli 14
Previous OP: "This is for kicking my defenseless cart down the isle and taking all the low-priced bacon! *makes dog sniff bacon* Fluffy, go get her!"
TarieBoo 2
Run Forrest, Run!!!
SluggerJ 7
LOL thats what I was going to say
VictoriaSchultz 8
Mama always says lifes like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to find Classic!
ebonyirony 29
Yes you do. Chocolate.
CaramelMacchiato 13
But what kind of chocolate? Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate... I'm hungry now.
Trisha_aus 15
And that's all I have to say about that
The_Hitdude 12
56-*"You never know what'cha gonna get." Nice try though.
hthelittleone 10
Exactly ^ you don't know which FILLING you're gonna get.
stargazur 9
How did this go from running from dogs to chocolates????
jmigs17 19
I hereby move to change the phrase to "life is like sampling the different fillings contained within the chocolates that are found in boxes." All in favor?! ... And the Nays have it! Expressions are less fun when you are over literal.
juunebug 2
At least you got a good workout in?
hellaflushfa5 6
Nothing like a big mouthful of teeth nipping at your heels to keep you on track with your goal.
Keevarou 17
The good news is that you probably got a new friend and a good exercise !:)
ILoveEggnog 7
Where did you get the idea that he got a new friend?
Keevarou 17
You can make friends with your enemies so.. Dunno, I think there is a difference between untamed and rabid, untamed dogs still have a chance :)
ILoveEggnog 7
I don't know about you, but when I meet a dog that has an unpleasant reputation and it's chasing after me, I don't try to be friends with it.
Keevarou 17
True eggnog :) But even if they have unpleasant reputation, they can still be good companions :) I may be a little too optimistic though
laden_swallow09 34
Yeah, that's a bit too optimistic. A healthy dose of realism would do you some good. :)
laden_swallow09 34
I mean, it's not impossible if OP really wanted to put forth an effort to make a connection with the dog, but unless s/he is good friends with the owner already and OP's over at their house often, it's not gonna happen.
lantern 6
There's no such thing as being "too optimistic". Unrealistic, maybe. But who's to say OP won't get to know the neighbors and their dog?
fentron 3
The people you live with did that on purpose
egc573 40
That's a safety issue, OP. If the owners continue to be so negligent (I assume that's why the dog was out), you really should report it or at least talk with your neighbors. There's a REASON the police employ that breed. Some neighborhood children or small pets might not be so lucky as you were. As a former German Shepherd owner, I'm pretty surprised. Those dogs are ******* fast! I could never outrun mine (then again, she was a trained former police dog).
TheGewt 7
It was just testing her. Next she won't be as lucky.
skoob1 12
When a dog is running at me barking, there is no communication. I'll either run for my life, or try to kick the crap out of it.
tbribri33 0
Straight up
Bobissmall 13
No-one ever told me not to run from a dog... what?
BenignSociopath 10
Well Baustigt, I think OPs problem was that they were already in the process of jogging when they passed their new neighbor. Which would have given the dog immediate reason to give chase. OP was screwed from the start and to stop running at that point might have been a terrible idea depending on how amped up the dog already was.
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
First: *never* run from an aggressive dog. Running tells it u r easy prey. Instead 1) Tell neighbors what happened; polite first, but if they dont seem to care tell em you WILL get authorities involved; 2) Learn from hardcore "Alpha"-philosophy dog training vids. Cesar Milan rehab'd figter pitbulls.
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
This type of vid can tell how to properly react to aggressive dogs- show them in their language that you are not prey and they need to not chase you. @ GrammarNazis: I tried to get this right but was being cut off! This serious matter needed more text than I was being permitted.
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
Also, try to condition yourself with the proper responses to replace your "flight" instinct. (It is possible.) Your neighbors ARE douchebags, at fault, need their balls chopped off- but your life could depend on this at least until they acquiesce or animal control takes the dog. :(