Animals: Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching... - FML

10/10/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 5 924

Sorry…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Stop talking!

29/01/2011 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 30 411

26/02/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 990

You deserved it 35 334

26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 5 380

02/03/2015 20:40 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 484

You deserved it 54 076

TSA

By androgynous - 30/03/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 471

You deserved it 4 733

Slow moving accident

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 14:01

Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 374

Vicious circle

By DarkMaskDiva - 21/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 195

03/10/2010 14:59 - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 086

You deserved it 3 218

03/04/2011 09:16 - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 4 751

15/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 029

You deserved it 445

04/07/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 490

You deserved it 7 512

He tried.

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:00

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 834

You deserved it 272

27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 027

You deserved it 38 489

01/06/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 104

You deserved it 4 938

07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 243

You deserved it 7 510

30/04/2017 02:00

Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 819

Geyser Söze

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 824

23/10/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 003

You deserved it 5 200

22/02/2015 05:15 - Canada - Nanaimo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were just razor rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 5 079

11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 641

You deserved it 3 213

17/03/2009 17:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 988

You deserved it 23 010

Thanks, that fixed it

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, my coworker touched me inappropriately. I reported it to HR, and all they said was, "Do you want to talk to a therapist?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 98

17/09/2015 17:28 - United States - Macon

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 274

You deserved it 2 433

Foolish

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 05:59

Today, I watched as a bin man picked up and threw into his truck the bag I foolishly left a few metres from a public bin before I got on the train. That bag contained every document that proves my identity for my new job, my driver's licence, birth certificate, passport, oh and my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 1 253

16/08/2016 18:54 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 735

You deserved it 993

08/07/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 336

You deserved it 1 856

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 2 010

05/12/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 37 118

07/04/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 597

You deserved it 4 100

08/07/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 536

You deserved it 42 679

16/10/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 4 031

11/04/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 686

You deserved it 9 753

29/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 594

You deserved it 3 038

19/06/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 17 256

24/04/2014 20:52 - United States - Glenview

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 737

You deserved it 3 948

15/12/2011 21:43 - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 192

You deserved it 2 770

24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 3 963

20/06/2015 14:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 2 804

03/06/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Thornton Heath

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 956

You deserved it 5 617

21/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 235

You deserved it 27 500

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:25

Holy crap, you're a woman and you wear a bra? How will you ever live this down?

livexlaughxlove1 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:24

that's not even that bad.

Comments

giganticbrain 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:23

Lame.

livexlaughxlove1 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:24

that's not even that bad.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:59

AND THE PUN CHAIN BEGINS: This is the "breast" FML I've heard in a while

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Sunday 11 October 2009 2:54

Geez, guys she just needs our support.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 3:23

Probably wouldn't have been so embarrasing if you didn't chase the dog

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Sunday 11 October 2009 4:20

#30 wins

gameoverman_fml 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 14:08

The dog is definitely Breast in Show.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 22:33

The dog just likes smelly underwear.

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Monday 12 October 2009 2:20

#66 wins

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Saturday 14 November 2009 15:15

The neighbors have bras too. I doubt it's anything they haven't seen before.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:25

Holy crap, you're a woman and you wear a bra? How will you ever live this down?

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:46

Yes YES YES this If it had been underwear you "wet" yourself in, then this would be a proper FML.

thelukeman321 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 6:54

lol it depends? were you wearing another one at the time of the pursuit? or did it just grab the one you were about to put on? I hope the answer is b; makes it a lot funnier

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Sunday 11 October 2009 16:32

This whole FML is just silly, why would you chase him? That's the only reason that it's odd,

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:26

lucky neighbors xD sooo what color is it? xD jk

23lf 16

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Thursday 4 September 2014 16:03

"Jk" jokes don't work on FML

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:28

If you were a man, that would be embarrassing. You are a woman. Most women wear bras. Who gives a shit? Your neighbours may joke about it every now and then, but it's not even close to an FML

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Sunday 11 October 2009 15:27

exactly its an ordinary bra big whoop grow up

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Wednesday 12 May 2010 14:20

yah, it's a good thing yer wearing a bra....

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:28

no but really what color was it

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:28

not that bad atleast it was your bra!!!

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:32

#7 hahahhhahha at time like this where I want to be superman (x-ray vision xD)

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:30

Not really that embarrassing. FML is getting locked out of your house naked. People seeing your undergarments isn't that bad.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:32

pffft shit fml...next!

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Sunday 11 October 2009 1:34

This is really not that bad at all. How many of your neighbours were actually outside or looking out the window at the time? But it's still funny, so I like it.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 101

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 132