Intimacy: Reasonable - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 37

Reasonable

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:21

Spicy

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 975

You deserved it 4 374

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

That's gross, dude

19/06/2010 07:47

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 029

You deserved it 30 719

To snitch or not to snitch

By bioloss - 21/06/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I found out my mom is sleeping with my boss. My dad doesn’t know yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 59

Hey, Big Spender!

By El Sayer - 03/03/2020 23:01

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 164

Roommate from hell

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:57

Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 133

Best I can do is…

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 05:00

Today, while working in my pawn shop, I was showing jewelry to a distinguished lady. I had to fart. I tried to wait. It was too much, so I let it slip silently. As she handled a $2000 necklace, I realized that the 2-foot counter between us would never save her from the foul poisonous cloud that had formed. She realized it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 305

05/04/2009 09:43

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I were in the middle of a heavy make-out session when his cell rang. Normally, he'd ignore it. This time however he pushed me off of him and said "Shit! It's probably my girlfriend!" I thought I was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 593

You deserved it 16 350

05/06/2014 11:12

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 786

You deserved it 5 074

Bottle bank

By TiredStudent - 12/06/2020 23:07

Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 167

31/03/2015 16:47

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 771

You deserved it 2 705

02/07/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 191

You deserved it 1 807

05/03/2010 13:06

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 5 254

20/11/2015 19:48

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 2 516

10/11/2016 17:51

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 369

You deserved it 1 977

07/06/2015 07:54

Spicy

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 4 367

19/06/2016 00:34

Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 717

You deserved it 759

02/10/2009 16:47

Today, my husband of five years told me he's leaving me and will be gone when I return from Iraq. When I told him I love him and asked him not to go, he said he won't file divorce papers just yet, but he's moving out-of-state because "we need time apart." I've been gone for most of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 502

You deserved it 3 162

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 420

21/05/2012 18:42

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 095

You deserved it 35 854

21/12/2015 05:38

Spicy

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 2 580

19/09/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 216

28/05/2012 06:24

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 343

You deserved it 20 456

24/04/2013 19:14

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 185

You deserved it 14 275

06/05/2009 07:40

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 591

You deserved it 9 116

18/11/2012 22:53

Spicy

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 313

You deserved it 6 292

01/10/2010 00:47

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 479

You deserved it 3 881

13/07/2011 18:16

Spicy

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 218

You deserved it 3 975

Geometry

By sickpuppy - 08/09/2019 12:00

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 148

03/04/2016 17:28

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 451

You deserved it 2 189

31/08/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 138

09/04/2013 23:09

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 928

You deserved it 4 133

Oh, hello…

By superclutz - 07/07/2009 02:09

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 370

You deserved it 21 093

21/11/2010 23:14

Spicy

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 3 666

03/12/2014 18:34

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 21 513

24/08/2012 13:53

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 212

You deserved it 10 276

28/11/2018 03:00

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 238

24/01/2010 19:32

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 5 291

01/01/2011 05:06

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 405

You deserved it 3 907

01/11/2016 04:08

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 1 222

08/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 360

24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 190

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:50

She's not your best friend. she's your mom

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:45

omigod. D: so sorry op

Comments

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:45

omigod. D: so sorry op

Agamemnon_fml 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:49

Maybe you should have uglier friends. ;)

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:00

wouldn't it be wierd if the dad and the friend had a kid together?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:06

And the concieved child grew up to create a FML account with the name of TookiMyCooki

stephanie0613 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 10:04

Ughhh !!! wow FYL Op, sorry.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:01

OMG sorry op=( from now on make sure your dad is out of the house when she comes over! other wise things could take and ugly turn!!

LightningLadyy 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 17:56

25, that was awesome.

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Monday 1 November 2010 23:40

how is being drunk an excuse

missawesome16 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 6:34

shes a whore she was probably sober and u might have a half bro/sis on the way

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Thursday 8 September 2011 4:38

U honestly think she's still gonna be friends with her?!

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Tuesday 27 August 2013 7:07

And in what situation was she drunk AND with her friend's father in a place that they could have sex?

mariafromkorea 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:46

How does this qualify as a FYL?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:50

I know right? lol

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:46

If op's "father" lost his virginity to her friend, that would be a strange twist and more of an FML for op.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 10:17

35 you are a scientist !!! lol

ItsCommonSense 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 14:05

35 good thing that's not possible since OP exists.

blkpanther510 4

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:08

couldn't it be that OP was adopted? Therefore the father of OP could have OP without having sex?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:14

it was her dad and best friend that is a fml for her re read n maybe ull understand it

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Saturday 30 October 2010 18:42

Judging from the name 63, I'd expect you to get the possibility that op was adopted or something and lied to about it. Person above me: I was responding to the one who doesn't think this is an FYL and giving them a scenario. Reread the post and maybe you'll understand.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 22:24

or genetically created in a lab :P no sex for father.. just a good magazine xD

EulessMeangirls 0

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Sunday 31 October 2010 10:52

Shes 15. Lmao

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Monday 26 November 2012 1:19

Other way around 35

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Saturday 10 May 2014 15:02

#35, the friend lost her virginity, not the father.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:47

Looks to me like she is trying to be an American beauty!

TheFlyingLampie 4

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:04

Agreed :D

z620 0

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Monday 1 November 2010 2:38

ftw dad

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:49

eww so nasty. hopefully she's not a minor;) ew but her virginity. wow

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:04

hmm actually.. wait op is your dad single and sexy;)

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:10

That's just messed up to a another level...

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:26

you never know. he could be Johnny depp status

fmlsxmakexmyxday 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:27

^win

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:44

agreed

MissErikaHart 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 17:10

dads not hot, ops friend was drunk

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Saturday 30 October 2010 17:26

You don't know that, he could be pretty good looking all the fml said was her main excuse was being drunk

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Saturday 30 October 2010 23:13

Yeah dad could be early thirties rich and buff. Or he could be fifty fat and drunk and your friend just identified with that.

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Monday 1 November 2010 22:47

Ew no. I'm not just saying this cause he is my father...he is just very unattractive

suckmysarcasm 10

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:43

Haha you lady are made of win! ^^

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:49

What is this, American Beauty?

Sarah Berryman 8

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Sunday 4 June 2017 20:38

ooh god

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:50

Lol go dad! XD

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:31

he must of been a sly dad lol and your pic is beautiful :)

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:50

She's not your best friend. she's your mom

ca123 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:01

Step mom, even! OP, things will be tough at first but just remember: she's not there to replace your mom. she's there to touch your dads weiner.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:22

It's impossible to say "wiener" and use it in serious conversation. That's hilarious.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:36

Bahaha!! yesssssssssss...

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Saturday 30 October 2010 14:34

lol thats pretty funny

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:59

your cute

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:50

6- 3 beat you to it. op uhhhh yikes better keep your legs closed. you never know when your dad could pounce

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:55

Didn't see 3 when I posted, I'm getting some iPhone lag. Regardless, let's make jokes about it now. Let's see...YDI for being drunk enough to think Kevin Spacey is hot.

BrittazEdward 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:51

thats awkward..

SingleMaltScotch 4

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:52

Her father goes after girls (possibly underage girls) his daughter's age. And OP's friend believes it's fine to sleep with a friend's father. These are totally effed up relationships. So yeah, it's a FYL.

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Tuesday 19 May 2015 2:43

My God, I was starting to think I was the only one concerned with her age! Like you said though, even if she is of legal age, you would think OP's dad and friend would be creeped out by the thought of the situation.